


Monade

by breadandramen



Category: H.O.T. (Band), K-pop, SECHSKIES (Band), jtL (Band)
Genre: 1st gen, 90's kpop, Abuse, Child Abuse, H.O.T. days, JTL days, M/M, There might be some mistakes, This is going to be a 2 part fic, Tony Being Tony, Tony loves ramen, Trainee Days, Warnings May Change, also some stuff might not be accurate, attempted humor, there's gonna be talk about depression, this was a one shot that got out of control, yeet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-01-05 14:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 45,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21210371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breadandramen/pseuds/breadandramen
Summary: "Do you regret it?""Regret what?""Becoming H.O.T."Tony smiled, "Never."Woohyuk smiled back, "Good."Also posted on wattpad under the user: breadandramen2





	1. pepper spray

June 27, 1996

Seungho stood at the gate, holding his father's hands. He can't remember the last time he held them but they were much rougher than before. Probably due to the extra hours he put in the restaurant. It was comforting, though. 

"You can see your mother again now that you're going back to Korea." His dad said. There was a familiar wetness in his old eyes that Seungho hated seeing. 

"Yeah…" he swallowed and looked behind him. The line of people boarding the plane was getting shorter with each second. Seungho turned back, not failing to notice the single tear that ran down his father's cheek.

"Dad I—"

"Come back after summers over, okay?" The grip on his hands grew tighter. 

Seungho smiled nervously, "Of course I'll be back. I promise." 

His father hugs him tightly and kisses his cheek before letting go, "Bring me back something delicious." 

"I will." He took a few steps back, holding his backpack straps. He gave his father a smile before jogging towards the entrance, occasionally looking back at his father. 

His last glimpse of him immediately made him feel like shit. There was hope behind those large glasses of his. It almost made him turn around and run back to him, but he shook that urge away and went through the door. 

_ You're lying to him. _

.

.

.

He shifted in his seat for what seemed like the 80th time that hour. He could not, for the love of God, get comfortable. Who would anyways? The seats were small, cramped and made him feel a bit claustrophobic. It didn't help that the guy in front of him had his seat leaned all the way back, making it almost impossible for Seungho to move his legs. He could also catch a glimpse of the guy's receding hairline. So his front view was ruined. Not that there was a front view to begin with. 

He rolled his eyes and switched his sight to the window. There was nothing but a few clouds floating in the night sky. Seungho peeked a bit lower, squishing his cheek against the glass. He raised his eyebrows when he couldn't catch a single sign of life under them— his stomach lurched as a wave of vertigo hit him at full force. He turned away and closed his eyes, breathing deeply to calm his stomach down. _ Your first flight in forever, Seungho. You are _ ** _not_ ** _ throwing up. _

Seungho opened his eyes only to close them again. There was no way he was going to stare at receding hairline guy again. He opted to look at his hands instead, praying for the flight to end as quickly as possible. 

A small tap on his left arm interrupted his prayer. He sighed in frustration and turned to see a small child gawking at him with her big brown eyes. The kid refused to sleep the entire flight and would sometimes try to get a tired Seungho to play with her. 

He grimaced at the liquidy piece of snot hanging out her nose. She held a block of chocolate for him.

"Don't want it." He said. 

She pouted, looking like he just insulted her. And he might as well have. It was probably her favorite chocolate. Or she was just sulking. Either worked. 

"At least clean your nose, kid." He whispered, glancing at her father who was snoring loudly with his mouth open. No one but him seemed no notice how annoying it was, "I asked you twice already." He said, turning back to the kid.

She giggled in response and ate the chocolate. 

Seungho rubbed his forehead, already feeling the start of a migraine. A strong one at that. He leaned his head on the cool glass of the window and closed his eyes again, trying to imagine himself in first class.

He was away from snot girl, snoring dad, and receding hairline guy. In fact he preferred to be in a private jet where he was the only passenger sitting in a nice comfy chair. He'd have so much space to stretch his legs and lean as far as he wanted. He'd listen to his walkman in peace as he watched the clouds go by without feeling like his stomach was having a civil war. The food would actually taste like food and not just school lunch in disguise. Ew.

Of course this was only his imagination because the second his dream completely materialized in his mind, the reason why he was even on this flight disrupted that beautiful dream like he had accidentally stepped on a minefield. 

Seungho's eyes snapped open. He was back in his cramped seat listening to snoring dads loud snores. He looked down at his right leg and patted the jeans, almost panicking when he felt that the papers were _ still _there. 

Seungho let his head fall back with a soft thud and grimaced. 

_ This is stupid, _ he thought to himself for the billionth time in the past two months, _ you're stupid. _

.

.

.

He probably should've stayed put, but he just wanted to get away from everyone on his flight. Hopefully he never saw them again. He walked around the airport with wobbly legs. Who knew not moving his legs for hours would give him the meanest paresthesia ever.

Despite currently being lost, he was calm as a sense of familiarity coated him. There were Korean words floating in and out his ears. Korean writing. Korean _ food. _Outside the windows, Seungho could see the land he left almost a decade ago. It was a bit different than it was before, but he still loved it—

"An Seungho?"

He jumped, turning to find the source of the voice. 

A bald guy stood behind him wearing a cheap suit. He looked sweaty and was currently trying to catch his breath. His eyebrows were furrowed together like he was pissed. 

"Um, yeah?" 

"I've been looking everywhere for you!" He exclaimed with a forced smile.

Seungho stared. "Oh yeah?"

_ Not even an hour in Korea and you already got a creepy stalker. Good job, Seun— _

"I'm a manager at SM. Mr. Lee sent me for you." 

"O-oh." He stammered and shook his hand with his _ own _ shaky hand, "Nice to meet you Mr.—?" 

"Jung."

"Mr. Jung. Okay. Cool." He mumbled, almost snatching his hand away. They were sweaty, "..."

"Follow me to my car."

"Right."

Seungho followed with a nervous heart. He didn't know what he was expecting to be honest. He thought Mr. Lee would pick him up himself. Instead he sent a sweaty bald guy for him. What's worse is that baldy here didn't even seem happy to see him.

_ Well you walked away from your spot and forced him to run around the airport to look for you. _

_ … _

_ Shut up. _

Once outside, Mr. Jung led him to a black van which was hidden behind a large tree. 

_ Okay that's a kidnappers van. _

_ ...Shut uP. _

"Take a seat in the back." Mr. Jung said, sliding the door open for him, revealing a rather luxurious seat. 

He hummed in approval and sat himself on the comfy leather seat. When he looked to his left, though, Seungho felt like banging his head on the window. There were no other seats in the back except his. They all seemed to be taken out. Maybe this space was used for storage and they just stuffed a random seat here. 

_ Luxurious my ass. _

"Why is there only one seat?" He blurted out. 

Mr. Jung's eyebrow twitched and he slammed the door shut. He quickly moved himself into the driver's seat, "Just sit quietly, kid."

Seungho slumped and hugged his backpack close to his chest and rested his chin on top of it. He jumped when Mr. Jung began to drive.

_ Oh yeah. I also promised my dad I'd call him once I landed here. I passed a lot of payphones, too. Great. Now he'll never know I'm being kidnapped by a bald dude. _

After a while of sitting in silence, Seungho grew bored at only looking out the window. 

He turned to look at Mr. Jung's bald head. The sweat made it look like it was shiny. He bet he could spot him from miles away with that amount of shine.

"So how long have you been working with Mr. Lee?" He asked, leaning forward. 

Mr. Jung flinched at the sudden question, "What makes you think I've been working there for a long time?" 

"Oh. Not long then?" Seungho asked.

"Wrong!"

It was his turn to flinch.

"I've been working with him since _ before _ he changed the name to SM Entertainment!"

Seungho sat back down, "I see…"_ Dude is kind of crazy. _"That's cool."

"I'm stuck as a manager. How is that cool?"

"..."

Mr. Jung took a sharp turn to the right, "Is that all you wanted to know?"

"Yeah?" Seungho fiddled with the zippers on his backpack.

"Good. Now shut up." 

Seungho didn't utter a word for the rest of the drive. He felt like he could awaken a demon inside Mr. Jung if he spoke again.

"We're here." Mr. Jung said after a million years. 

Seungho slid his door open and made a stank face. _ Yeah this is a scam. _It didn't look like the fancy entertainment building he'd been imagining for almost two months. It looked like a run down shop. Maybe run down wasn't the right choice of words, but it was all he could think of at the moment. 

It also— he noticed as he went inside— had stairs that led downwards. Now if that wasn't an indicator of danger then he didn't know what danger was. It looked like a villains evil lair. What if he's really being kidnapped in broad daylight? He doesn't have a phone and there wasn't anyone around that he could ask for help. It was completely deserted. 

_ Come on, Seungho. It's like 7am, _ he glanced at the clock above the staircase, _ that's probably why no one's around. Stop scaring yourself. _

"His office is down here." Mr. Jung said, leading the way down the villains lair. 

Seungho gripped his backpack straps and nodded. He had his hand over a small pouch on one of the straps in case he needed to pepper spray Mr. Jung and make a run for it. He bought it at a gas station two days before he left. Who knew if it was really pepper spray or if it even worked, but it made him feel a bit safer. 

Already a flight of stairs down and Seungho could hear muffled music. 

"We have a couple of dance rooms here. We'll show you the main one you'll be using with the rest of the boys in a few days."

_ So this wasn't a scam? And wait what? The boys?? They were already chosen? _

"They're actually practicing right now, but like I said, you'll meet them later." Mr. Jung added, probably noticing his weird expression.

He led him into the hallway where the muffled music was coming from. There was a double door to his left with a sign on the window that read, "we're practicing, come back later" in messy handwriting. 

Seungho glanced at Mr. Jung who paid him no heed and kept walking down the hall. He looked back at the doors and decided to take a peek. 

He lifted the paper up and gasped at the sight of four boys dancing. They seemed to be practicing hard. One even had sweat soaking his purple shirt. 

He placed his hand gently on the door, smiling when he felt the door vibrate along with the beat of whatever song they were dancing to. He was fascinated. Excitement brewed deep within him.

Suddenly, a boy with a serious face turned to his direction, narrowing his eyes when they made eye contact. Seungho pulled away with a gasp, letting the paper fall back into place. He turned away from the doors, his heart pounding hard.

"Hurry up." Mr. Jung said. Apparently he'd been watching him the whole time. 

Seungho ran to him, "Sorry!" and was pushed roughly inside an office at the end of the hallway. He was greeted with the sight of Mr. Lee sitting behind a desk.

"Seungho it's you!" He exclaimed, "Thank you for bringing him, Mr. Jung."

The manager nodded and left, gently closing the door behind him. Seungho let out a loud sigh of relief and sat down, pulling his backpack onto his lap. _ I can finally relax. _

"How was your flight?"

Flashbacks ran through his head about snot girl, snoring dad and receding hairline guy. He shivered, "It was alright."

"Wonderful." Mr Lee smiled, "Well, we have lots to discuss, don't we?" 

"Yes, sir." 

They discussed simple things in the beginning. Mr. Lee went off about his own career and what he's hoping to achieve now that his studio was an entertainment company. In return, he only had lame school stories to tell, often exaggerating the stories to stay on Mr. Lee's good side. Seungho thought it was interesting that Mr. Lee planned to use them as a role model for teenagers and was almost tempted to tell him how many times he ditched school. Mr. Lee also explained how each member was assigned their own manager. Unfortunately for Seungho, Mr. Jung was chosen to be his manager. 

He was happy to be told he'd be getting a dorm that the company will pay for. He'd been worried for a while as to where he was going to stay. They also reviewed the contract in Seungho's right pocket, going around in circles to the point where he had no idea what the contract even said anymore.

He noticed Mr. Lee often went off on tangents. There were moments where he strayed off topic to talk about his favorite singer or his favorite wine. It got to the point where Mr. Lee was talking about some cats he saw in an alley on his way to his office. 

If Seungho had been someone else, he would've yelled at him to shut up and give him the keys to his dorm because that man was still waving them around while describing the color of the fourth cats fur. 

His eyes moved around the dingy office. If it was even an office to begin with. There was a basket full of papers in a corner of the room with a single cabinet next to it. Besides those two and the desk, there was literally nothing else in the room to distract him or tell him more about this man. 

"...going to change your name."

Seungho snapped back to reality, "Huh?"

Mr. Lee's smile became strained, "We're going to change your name." He repeated.

"Why? What's wrong with my name?" He asked.

Mr. Lee gave him a look like he was stupid, "You're _ American _, Seungho." 

"..."

"You should have an American sounding name!" He said with a smile, "It'll be unique."

"Um, okay." There was an itchiness in his throat. 

"There's some names I looked up that you can choose from. Don't worry, people will still know your real name. It's just that your name really isn't… you know." 

No, he didn't know.

Mr. Lee pulled out a piece of copy paper and set it in front of Seungho, "You can choose now."

"Now?"

"Yes. You're going to introduce yourself to your members with that name."

He frowned, "But why? They can call me by my—"

"Just do it."

He hung his head, "Yes, sir." He bit his lip hard.

He fiddled with his fingers, trying to ease the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. Seungho looked at the list. Each name Mr. Lee chose were so unappealing for him. Mr. Lee was apparently looking for something unique, but he's met people with these names before. They were basic. 

Seungho's eyes fell on 'Anthony'. It was the last name on the list. _ This is the only name I like, but it's kind of long. _

"I want Tony." He blurted out.

"That's not—"

"I _ know _ it's not on the list, but it's short for Anthony. It sounds better." He quickly said.

Mr. Lee narrowed his eyes, "Fine. Tony it is."

Seungho sighed in relief.

"That's who you are now."

He swallowed hard. The uncomfortable feeling was getting stronger.

"People will call you Tony and you will respond to it." Mr. Lee said in a serious voice, "We're giving you three days to get used to it." 

He nodded. _ When did the mood change? Has he always been like this? Or have I been too stupid to notice? _

"Let me see your bag." 

"What?" He asked, surprised. 

"I need to see that you're not carrying anything I wouldn't approve of."

Tony took the backpack off his lap and slid it across the desk, watching with a nervous heart as Mr. Lee slid the zippers open and snooped inside.

"What's this?" He asked, pulling the pepper spray out of the pouch, "Why do you have this?"

"I always have one." He lied.

"Well you won't need it anymore." He said, tossing it in his drawers. 

Mr. Lee opened the front zipper and sighed, "Dieting, Tony, is an important part of being a trainee."

A pout began to form on Tony's face when Mr. Lee pulled out the lunch his dad packed for him plus the several small bags of chips he bought at the airport. He was suddenly reminded that he hadn't eaten since that bite of pizza he had on the plane. 

"You won't be eating this."

"Then what do I eat?" He asked in a small voice.

The food was also tossed, "Since we're saving money, I'm going to ask you not to waste more than five dollars per meal. You can figure out what to eat yourself, just don't go past that amount or there will be consequences."

"..."

"It's to keep you healthy." He said with a fake smile.

"Healthy." He muttered, "Right."

Tony gripped his jeans and hung his head, listening to every strict rule Mr. Lee was placing for him. Each rule made him feel like he was being incarcerated. So many rules with so little freedom. He thought about the four boys in the dance room and wondered how they felt when they met Mr. Lee like this. Did they feel just like he did or did they feel even worse?

Tony began to wonder if this was a bad decision, but he had already signed the contract. There really wasn't a way out, was there?

  



	2. phone card

June 30, 1996

"Well your dancing is okay and so is your singing." A staff member, Mrs. Kim stated, "I think you'll even improve once you meet the boys." 

Tony laid on the dance floor in a puddle of sweat. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to catch the little breath he had left. He stared at the ceiling. The lights emitted a hazy orange hue. Tony became even more exhausted the more he stared at it.

"You've managed to respond to 'Tony' better than we expected, too." She continued, "Much faster than another kid we know."

He rested a cool water bottle on his forehead and closed his eyes. Many colors pulsed behind his eyelids, flashing almost tiredly as he was. He didn't bother to respond. He knew she knew he was listening. Tony also wanted to get as much rest as he possibly could while she talked. He's been singing and dancing non-stop for the past few days. It was exhausting, but at the same time it was also fun. It was interesting to learn from professionals rather than his own friends. His friends rarely corrected him while the people here always had something to say. There was always something to improve. He gained a new perspective as well as the will to continue to learn even more. 

They focused more on his dancing, but it's not like he minded at all. He had a somewhat stable voice and Mrs. Kim said he'd improve later. So he believed her. 

"I think you're ready to meet the boys."

He lifted his head fast, causing the bottle to slam down onto the wooden floor. The sound echoed through the large room and rang in his ears. 

"What?"

She gave him an amused smile, "You can meet them now." 

"Like right now, right now? Cause I'm like, really tired." He wiped some sweat off his neck and wiped it off on his shirt, "And sweaty."

"You can meet them later today. It's only a few hours until they arrive anyway. You can go to your dorm to wash up and do whatever it is you usually do." 

Tony frowned, "They were here pretty early on Thursday. Why aren't they here now?" He sat up and crossed his legs, resting his cheek on his hand.

"Oh, sometimes they like to come here early to practice. Sometimes before class starts. Usually before the sun even thinks of rising. Sometimes they decide to skip the entire school day. It's only sometimes though. They're not trying to get in trouble with their teachers. Also it's Sunday, Tony. They need their rest just like any other kid." 

"Oh." He made a face at 'kid'.

"Don't worry." She laughed, "Just because they're still in school doesn't mean you're the eldest. The leader's role is already taken." 

He sagged in relief, "Thank God. I don't think I'm even capable of leading a group."

"You have your qualities."

"Oh yeah?"

"Let's just say you're just what the group needs right now." She gave him a knowing smile.

_ Not really answering my question, but okAy. _

"You can go back to your dorm now. I'm cutting practice short. I have a meeting with Mr. Lee in a few." 

She slung her backpack on her shoulder and left without even saying goodbye. Not even sparing so much as a glance.

Tony was used to it though. She was just someone who was ordered to monitor him until he joined the rest. He figured she wanted to get away from him now that her job was over. Mr. Jung was supposed to do it first, but he refused to be his babysitter which in turn made Mr. Lee grab the first staff member walking by and assigned her to him. 

He picked the water bottle up and drank its remaining contents before standing up. His legs shook, tired and aching from hours of dancing. He ignores it. Tony believed the pain will leave him the harder he works. It's always been like that.

Tony threw the bottle in the recycling bin and left the room. 

.

.

.

Tony flicked the switch and watched as his dorm came to life. As small as it was, Tony had to admit it was cozy. A gentle breeze from the air conditioner hit him softly across his face, instantly cooling his body down.

He smiled and closed the door behind him, dropping his keys on his backpack he left by the door the day he got here. 

In front of him was a lonely couch that was an ugly shade of green. If he had to describe it he'd say it looked like dead grass. He plops onto it and sighs. He can relax now. 

Tony rolls onto his back and lazily fixed his gaze onto the ugly popcorn ceiling. He stared at a particular spot where a weird dog shaped blob was formed and made a small cooing noise. He did that for a while, seeking shapes on the ceiling to entertain himself. It's not like he had anything else to do really. He didn't even have a TV or any books for that matter. Tony did have his walkman and a cassette player, though, but he's trying to save the battery and only uses them when he really needs to listen to something.

A smile slowly formed on his face when it began to dawn on him that he was about to meet the rest of his members. Mr. Jung and Mrs. Kim wouldn't describe them to him no matter how many times he asked. The memory of the four boys dancing in that room was still fresh in his mind. As far as he could tell, they were really into it. Perhaps more than he was. Who knows. Maybe they've been there longer than he has. Long enough to make this a passion of theirs and a possible career option.

Tony hoped that they'll quickly become friends. He didn't have many friends back at home to begin with. Not because he's weird or anything— well maybe he was a bit weird— but because he rarely initiated conversations due to his fear of embarrassing himself when he spoke English. It's not like he was bad at it. He can manage long conversations about anything in English. It's just that he didn't want to say something stupid and accidentally insult the other. That resulted in Tony only making friends when someone approached him first—which was rare.

Tony choked on some of his saliva and coughed hard. He sat up on the edge of the couch and cleared his throat.

_ Well we'll become friends eventually anyways, not like we won't be seeing each other practically everyday, right? It's bound to happen. _

He stood up and grabbed the towel he left drying on a chair as well as the cassette player that held the same tape he's been playing for the past three days. Tony headed towards the tiny bathroom that felt more like a locker to him due to the ugly greenish-bluish color of it. 

He stopped though when his eyes decided to focus on the phone hanging innocently on the wall. He leaned his head back and sighed. He couldn't call home even if he wanted to. Not right now.

Regret coated him like a heavy blanket. He felt bad as he recalled the phone call he had with his dad last Thursday. 

.

.

June 27, 1996

"Seungho! I was getting worried!"

Tony jumped at his loud voice, almost dropping the phone card he brought along with him.

"Sorry Dad, I just couldn't find a phone to call you right away."

Euijun tsked, "I'm sure there were a few at the airport. You just weren't looking well enough. What are your glasses for, boy?!" He scolded. 

Tony rubbed his forehead and sighed. He didn't have the heart to tell him that he took them off as soon as he boarded the plane and hasn't even taken them out his backpack since. He left his backpack by the door when he got here and has been too lazy to pick it up. Besides, it's not like he was looking for a payphones anyways. 

"Yeah I know, I was just tired." He mumbled instead.

"Excuses, excuses. Don't worry me like that ever again! You had me thinking you were kidnapped!"

He thought about Mr. Jung and his bald head. _ Well… _

"But I wasn't! I'm fine, Dad. Seriously."

"Tell that to my poor heart!" Euijun continued, "I almost called your sister!"

Tony snorted, "For what? How would she be any help if I were kidnapped here."

"You know Jeong-ah is a cop!* I would've had her search the world for you!"

Tony smiled, knowing his father wasn't upset anymore when he started spouting nonsense like that.

"Jeong is a cop, Dad, it's not like she's FBI. She wouldn't be much help." 

He listened to his father ramble on about how he would cry if his 'baby' were to disappear off the face of the planet. Tony felt embarrassment flood his cheeks.

"Dad, stop it." He pouted, "I get it."

"I'm sure you do." He bit back sarcastically, "I'd like to see what you'd do when you have kids."

"Okay fine, whatever. I'm going to sleep. I had a long flight." He stuck his tongue out, knowing his father could never see the childish action.

"That's fine with me. Can you pass me to your mother?"

Tony froze, "I— what?"

"Can you pass me to her? Is she doing alright with you there?"

He closed his eyes, "Yeah, she's doing fine." 

Tony wanted to jump off the building. 

"She must be doing well on her own." He heard him mumble. He almost couldn't hear him.

"Um, yeah?"

"Can I talk to her?"

Tony felt invisible bricks slam onto his head all at once. How he wished they were real, "What? Why?"

"Come on, Seungho. I do this whenever you stay over at your friends place."

"Yeah, but she's my mom. You know I'm safe!" He said, trying his best not to stammer.

_ Oh my God if he finds out I'm not with her, he's going to fly over here himself and drag me back. This is it. This is how my life ends. I lived a good eighteen years to be honest. Goodbye world. _

"..."

"..."

"Are you hiding something?" Euijun asked. The authoritative tone his voice took would make even the strongest person in the world cower.

Tony spluttered, "What? Of course not."

"Then pass me to her."

"She went back to sleep." He lied. He twisted the cord tightly around his hand, "I don't want to wake her."

Euijun sighed, "Fine. But I'd like to talk to her someday, There's stuff we still need to discuss."

"Yeah, sure thing, Dad." Tony might as well have tricked the president. He couldn't believe his father bought his lie so quick. Usually he can tell when Tony is lying. He was almost proud of himself. _ Almost. _

"Anyways, how is it over there?"

He sagged in relief at the change of topic. He was safe for now, "Dad, its changed so much! It still feels the same though. It still feels like home."

"Oh yeah?"

"There's more buildings, but I think I can still remember the way home."

"It's not our home anymore." Euijun chuckled.

Tony smiled softly, remembering that big beautiful house that used to be theirs. He could still remember playing in the big yard with Jeong-ah. Back when she was still fun and not a cranky young lady.

"It's still home to me." He said, "I miss it."

"You know we can't go back." 

He lowered himself onto the floor, bringing his legs close to his chest and resting his cheek on his knees. Tony listened to the Euijun's steady breathing.

"Why not?" He's already lost count of how many times he's asked that.

"We wouldn't be in LA if we could." He simply replied. 

_ If I actually make money out of this I could buy the house back! I don't even know if it's still standing, but even then, I could still buy the land. Just so we could all go back. _

"I miss you." He blurted out.

"Already?"

Tony swallowed, "I guess it's because I've never been this far away from you."

"Of course not." Euijun let out a wet laugh, "You're still a kid."

Tony smiled, "I just turned eighteen, I don't think I qualify as a kid anymore."

"Yeah well to me you'll always be my little prince." 

Tony froze. _ That nickname— _

"Listen Dad, I gotta go." He said.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm okay. I'm just really tired, I told you. Long flight and all, y'know."

He chuckled, "Fine, go ahead and sleep all day. Call me when you can"

Tony hung up without saying goodbye. He sat there, guilt flooding his entire being.

.

.

June 30, 1996

Tony sat on his bed, still wrapped in his bathrobe. Water dripped from his hair and slid down the back of his neck. He ran a hand through it and shook his hair roughly, trying to make it dry faster. His hair wasn't long, but it always took forever to dry. Probably because it was somewhat curly.

_ Well it's not like you can keep this a secret forever. You're gonna have to tell him at some point. _

He shook his head and stood up, "Yeah, well, I'll do that later." he said to himself.

Tony opened his closet and gathered random pieces of clothing and laid them on his bed. The staff ended up giving him multiple outfits since he had only brought two in that backpack of his. Mr. Lee thought he lost his luggage and Tony had to explain to him that this was really all that he brought.

They weren't good brands. Some of them were even knock offs. Not that Tony cared. He could barely afford good ones back at home. He was used to wearing clothes like this.

He ended up choosing a baggy gray tank top and extra baggy blue jeans. His dad called this trend "barbaric". He'd go, _ "In my day, we used to look classy. Now all you kids look like a bunch of thugs." _

And Tony would just say that he's jealous because he could never pull off something like this. 

Once dressed, Tony went to the kitchen and boiled some water. Ramen was really all he could afford now with his five dollar budget, but he wasn't complaining because he loved ramen and could probably eat it everyday for the rest of his life. He did wish he could get different kinds though. He was getting tired of chicken flavored ramen. 

Mrs. Kim said that it was only a few hours until his members came and it's only been an hour and a half since he returned to his dorm. Tony glanced at the wall where a beige clock with red hands hung. _ 1:48 pm _. 

"I could sleep after eating and get up at four or something. I don't want to be early and make things awkward." He mumbled to himself. _ I don't even know what time they're coming, but I'm gonna assume they'll come at around 3 or 3:30. _

Tony placed the ramen into the water and watched as it slowly began to soften. His mouth watered a bit. He didn't eat breakfast today so he was extra hungry. 

While watching his ramen boil rapidly, Tony began to wonder what kind of music they'd be singing together. He imagined some kind of powerful hip hop that will show them off as badasses to the world. Or maybe they'd sing beautiful ballads and show people their sweet and soft side.

_ That will get a bunch of people to like us. _ He mused.

So far they had Tony sing a couple of ballads and also had him rapping in many different styles. Tony had never rapped in English prior to this. And as far as he could tell, it's what Mr. Lee wanted him to do. Mr. Lee's eyes glowed after he had him rap in English for the first time and soon he had him rapping full songs.

He wasn't exactly confident in it yet, but Mr. Lee would give him a satisfied smile and two thumbs up at the end of each session. So even if he was lacking confidence, it made him want to work harder and refine his skills. 

Tony blinked and looked at his ramen. 

"Fucking shIT!" 

.

.

.

Tony was jolted awake by a harsh _ bang bang bang _ on his door. He scrambled out of his bed, almost tripping on yesterday's clothes. 

The banging was growing impatient.

"Tony!"

_ Shit it's Mr. Jung. _

"Hold on!" He yelled.

He swung the door open, "Yeah?"

Tony tried to make himself seem as natural as possible. He leaned against the door frame and gave Mr. Jung a sleepy smile.

Mr. Jung didn't seem amused. Not one bit. He looked like somebody dunked his nose into a can of tuna.

"Why does it smell like you burned something?" He asked.

Tony swore. While he was in deep thought, he managed to water the pot down and burn his ramen in the process. There had been smoke everywhere and Tony spent a long time trying not to get the alarm triggered. He didn't think the smell would linger hours later.

_ The ramen didn't taste bad though. It was just a little crispy. _

"Um, nothing. Just overcooked ramen." 

"It smells like it went up in flames." 

He slowly made sure the door was covering the kitchen so Mr. Jung couldn't see the semi burnt cabinet.

"No it didn't."

Mr. Jung narrowed his eyes, "Whatever. You overslept. You have an hour before the boys go home."

Tony's eyes went round, "What?! Overslept!" 

He turned to the clock and swore again. _ 8:22 pm. _

"Why didn't you call me?!" He asked Mr. Jung.

"I did. Multiple times. I assumed you were asleep so I called every hour in case you woke up, but then I realized I had to personally wake you up."

Tony scratched his head in guilt.

"I'm sorry."

"Tell that to the kids. They've been eagerly waiting to meet you."

_ I'm such a dumbass. _

"Let me just put my shoes on I will be there in a sec." he hurriedly slipped his slippers on and scampered out the door, leaving Mr. Jung to close the door. 

He ran out of the building as fast as he could, not paying attention to the people walking by or cars.

_ I can't believe I overslept! I guess I was really, _ ** _really_ ** _ tired. I blame it on the ramen. I spent more energy trying to clean that cabinet and erase the smell than in the hours I spent in the dance room. Whatever. I have to hurry up or they'll think I fucking ditched them. _

The entertainment building was up ahead and Tony felt anxious with each step he took towards it. He sincerely hoped that they weren't upset with him. 

The building was quiet when he went inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I don't really know Jeong-ah's job 
> 
> I think I should tell you that there really won't be a fixed schedule for when I upload chapters, at least for the beginning of the story ^—^;


	3. cassette tape

June 30, 1996

The dance room was bigger than he'd thought it would be with mirrors that were almost twice his height covering two of its walls opposite from each other. A boombox rested innocently in the middle of one of the mirrors. It was playing a slow song that Tony didn't recognize. There was a loud whirr coming from a large fan standing in the corner farthest from him. It was on the highest setting and made the room feel like they were already in December. 

There were also four teenagers scattered across the wooden floors staring at him with what Tony assumed was a combination of frustration and confusion. 

One of them— who looked like a cute humanoid Gizmo— crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. He took a step towards Tony and gave him a curious look.

"Who are you?"

Tony felt an invisible brick slam onto his head. He wanted to run out and hide in his dorm, "Um, my manager told me you guys were waiting for me?"

"Are you the last kid who's gonna join us?"

Tony gave him a small nod, feeling as though he were getting interrogated. 

Behind Gizmo, stood a tall kid with a crooked smile and a mole under his left eye, "What's your name?" He asked.

"It's Tony." He replied, "My real name is Seungho, though. Mr. Lee gave me a stage name."

The kids eyes widened, "You too?! I thought I'd be the only one!" 

Tony gave him a smile,"Really? What's yours?"

He felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Kangta. My real real name is Chilhyun." 

They shook hands.

"Your name is better than mine." Tony said.

"No way, I like yours better." 

Gizmo looked back and forth at them as their conversation continued and suddenly looked apologetic, "Um, I'm sorry if I seemed rude when you came in." He said, "I didn't mean to make you feel weird by asking who you were right off the bat." 

"It's alright." He shrugged, "I didn't feel weird. Mr. Jung said you guys have been waiting for me and I overslept."

Gizmo spluttered, "You got stuck with Mr. Jung? Man, you have bad luck." 

"Yeah he sucks." Tony sighed, shivering as he recalled Mr. Jung's icy glare. 

"Anyways, I'm Heejun." Gizmo said, "And this cute kid right here—" he pulled in an even taller kid who reminded Tony of an octopus, "— is Jaewon." 

"Hi." Jaewon said. 

"Hey." Tony said.

"And that's Woohyuk." Kangta pointed at the last member who was leaning against the mirror next to the boombox. He was giving Tony a blank look.

"Hi." He waved at him.

Woohyuk nodded at him.

_ What kind of greeting is that? I've only seen shit like that in anime.  _

Tony suddenly recognized him as the kid he made eye contact with the other day and quickly averted his eyes. 

_ Okay what the fuck. _

He turned back to Heejun, "I'm sorry for making you guys wait." He blurted out. 

"It's cool." Heejun replied, tugging his left sleeve down, "We weren't exactly on time either."

Jaewon plopped down on the floor and let out a loud and tired sigh. He laid on his back and glared at the lights on the ceiling. Kangta gave him a small kick.

"You're from the US, right?" Heejun asked.

"Kind of?"

"Say something in English." 

Tony suddenly wanted to hit Heejun with a pillow.

"Like what?" 

"I don't know."

" _ Hello, how are you? _ " 

Heejun scrunched his nose, "Say something harder! We all know how to say that."

Woohyuk let out a low chuckle.

Tony frowned, "Umm,  _ how was your day _ ?" 

"Wha— isn't that the same thi—"

"That's enough." Kangta interrupted while looking mildly amused, "You don't have to say anything."

Heejun began to pout while Tony thanked Kangta in his head. Tony was surprised he didn't get angry at Heejun for asking him this. Lately he's gotten annoyed by the staff constantly asking him how to say words in English. He couldn't tell them no since he was slightly scared of them. However with Heejun it was more like a friendly annoyance. The kind that would lift the corners of your lips up.

"Anyways, I'm curious. When were you born?" Kangta asked, "I was born in 1979." 

Heejun leaned in a bit.

"1978." He replied.

Heejun raised his hand, "Hey me too." 

Woohyuk joined them, "Same here."

Jaewon let out a small whine and pouted. "Damn it."

Tony raised his eyebrow at the boy who was now facedown on the floor, "What?"

"I was born in 1980."

"You're our youngest then." 

"Yeah I guess." He mumbled, looking more miserable as the seconds ticked by. 

Tony felt bad at that and sat down next to him, crossing his legs, "I won't treat you differently than anyone else." 

Jaewon turned his head and rested his cheek on the floor—which was quite dusty now that Tony had a good look at it. 

"It's not that. I just wanted to be older than someone for a change." He gave Tony a shy smile.

"Ooh." Tony ran a hand through his hair awkwardly, "That makes sense."

"What month though." Heejun butted in.

Tony looked up at him, "Hah?"

"Like what month were you born?"

"Oh. June. June 7th." 

"Happy late birthday then." Kangta said.

"Thanks." 

Woohyuk perked up, "Hey I'm a month older than you. Heejun was born in March." 

Tony avoided his gaze again, not wanting Woohyuk to recognize him.

"So who's the leader?"

"I am!" Heejun exclaimed, "I'm the eldest and I've also been signed into this company for the longest along with Kangta." 

"That's right." Kangta said.

Tony had already guessed he was the leader. How couldn't he be? He talked so much and was a rather big ball of energy. There was no way the others were the leader. Or Tony for that matter.

Woohyuk— who had actually been spacing out during their exchange— suddenly let out a gasp and pointed at Tony accusingly, "Hey! You're that one kid who was spying on us a few days ago!"

Tony felt embarrassment flood his face and ears. He was also slightly intimidated by how Woohyuk had said all that with little to no change to his blank expression.

"Um…"

"What kid?" Jaewon asked.

"Remember when I said I saw some kid looking through the window? That was Tony!" He said, pointing at him again.

"Oh yeah." Jaewon went back to brooding.

"I'm right, right?" Woohyuk asked Tony.

Tony stuck his lower lip out, "How could you even tell? I was far away." 

Woohyuk gestured at his ears, "I don't think I can forget something like that."

Tony covered them, "It's not like it was on purpose."

"We placed a sign on the door."

Tony crossed his arms, "Yeah well, I was curious."

Heejun let out a weird laugh.

"What?" Woohyuk asked, giving him a confused look.

"Nothing."

Jaewon sat up and brushed the dust off his hair and face, "So what's your thing?" 

"My thing?" He asked.

"Yeah. Like, Woohyuks is dancing, Chilhyuns is singing…" 

"Oh! Uh… singing and dancing, I guess. I'm learning how to rap." He said. Any confidence he had went down the drain. He had a feeling they were going to ask something like that sooner or later. 

Jaewon and Kangta exchanged looks. 

"I was in a dance team with a few of my friends back at home. We performed in school a lot." Tony added. He didn't want them to think he was some sort of loser who got into this company for no reason.

Heejuns eyes got even bigger, "A dance team! That's cool. Can you show me some of the choreo you did?"

Tony froze, "Right now?"

"Yeah. If not now, then when? You'll eventually have to show us."

He fiddled with his hands as he stood up, "Um…"

"It's okay if you're nervous. We were nervous too." Kangta said, "Take your time." 

"Do you guys got any CD's or cassettes…?" He asked. He made his voice deeper as to not sound like he was nervous.

Jaewon stood up as well, "We have some cassettes over there." He pointed at the stack in the corner next to the big fan. 

"Thanks."

Tony took his sweet time choosing from the ten cassettes. He just woke up not too long ago and was still tired as hell. He didn't feel like dancing something from school that he could barely remember. Their last performance was in the spring school concert and that was in March. He remembered that he was so busy studying that he barely practiced the choreo. Tony didn't even dance it once after the concert. He couldn't even remember any other choreo before that one either. He  _ could _ be sneaky and dance something he learned from the choreographers here, but he ran the risk that one of his members had also learned it and therefore get called a liar and ruin the relationship he was just forming with them.

"Ugh, whatever." He pulled a random cassette out of its case. He pulled the current cassette out of the boombox and inserted the new one.

"I'll just do something quick." Tony's said the the waiting boys. 

_ At least I can remember the bridge. I'll just dance that. _

Heejun's face looked different now. The wide eyed and talkative boy was replaced by what Tony called the judge face. He felt like he was auditioning again and that Heejun was a Mr. Lee 2.0. It made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. 

_ I should've just said my thing was just singing. _

_ Then again, they would've asked me to sing something and somehow that sounds worse than showing them a dance.  _

He forwarded the tape until he found a song with a similar beat to the one he danced to at school and closed his eyes. 

_ Here we go, Seungho. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3. _

Tony felt embarrassed the entire time he danced, but he kept reminding himself that it was something he had to do and that it would be over soon. 

He would open his eyes sometimes only to close them each time he caught Heejun's eyes. He tried to focus on not fucking it up. Tony felt like Heejun was going to grade him or something. 

By the time he was finished, his face was so hot that he could probably fry an egg or two on it. 

"That was great." Woohyuk said after Tony turned the music off, "How long did it take you to learn it?"

"A few days. I'm not a quick learner." He admitted.

"That's okay." Heejun said, still in judge mode, "Woohyuk and I can help you if you need it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Woohyuk and I are more advanced. We help Kangta and Jaewon all the time with their choreo."

He turned to the younger two who were nodding in agreement. 

"Thanks, really." He said. 

"No problem." Heejun and Woohyuk said. 

"You should have more confidence, though." Heejun said, "You're good at dancing."

"You really are." Woohyuk added.

Tony smiled, "Thank you." 

"Hey guys, I don't mean to interrupt, but it's almost 9:30." Kangta said, "We should get home." 

Heejun jumped, his judge face disappearing. He pulled his right sleeve up to reveal a watch, "You're right!" 

Tony felt guilty, "I'm sorry for keeping you guys this late."

"It's alright." Kangta said, "We usually go home at this time anyways. Besides, we've gotten locked in before. It wasn't nice, but it wasn't bad either. We just don't want it to happen again." 

Tony wanted to know more about that day since it seemed like a funny story, but he figured it was a story for another day. 

"Oh, you guys go ahead." Woohyuk said, "I want to dance some more. I'm not tired." 

Jaewon made a stank face and shrugged, "Okay then."

"Are you sure?" Heejun asked.

"Yeah. Besides," Woohyuk pointed at his tattered backpack, "I've got snacks and water in case I get locked in. It's not so bad after a while. I've gotten locked in more than you guys." 

Kangta huffed in amusement, "Oh yeah." 

Tony stood there and watched them say their goodbyes to each other and followed them out the door. He looked back at Woohyuk who was already kneeling by the boombox. 

"Bye, Woohyuk." He called.

Woohyuk jumped and turned around. He gave Tony a small wave, "Bye. See you tomorrow, Tony." 

Tony smiled at him before jogging after the others. 

"So where do you live?" Kangta asked once he caught up to them.

"A block from here in the dorms. They're paying for it." He answered. 

"Oh, that's nice. I've always wanted to stay in the dorms, but my parents won't let me. They think I'm gonna get kidnapped if I do."

Tony chuckled, "It makes sense though. It is a little creepy walking home alone at night, but it's not so bad once you enter the building. They got some nice locks on their doors." 

Kangta 'ooh-ed'. 

Tony breathlessly walked up the stairs. 

"You're like an old man." Jaewon said from the top of the stairs. 

"You have long legs. I got short legs." Tony said. 

He watched in slight annoyance as Kangta ran up the rest of the stairs. 

"I seriously don't get the point of these stairs." He said when he reached the top. The others were waiting for him by the exit, "Don't see why the dance room can't be on this floor." 

Heejun let out a low laugh, "Don't let them catch you saying that." 

"Pfft, why not?"

"We know a guy who said something like that and it didn't go so well for him." Jaewon answered. 

Tony frowned, "For some stairs?" 

"Yeah."

"Huh…" 

Tony knew the staff and their CEO were intimidating, but he didn't think they'd go beyond the usual yelling. He thought that maybe Jaewon was trying to scare him off. 

"Anyways," Kangta said, opening the front door for them, "My dad is here, I'll see you guys tomorrow. It was nice meeting you Tony!" 

"Nice meeting you too, Kangta." 

He watched him run across the street and jump into a car. The person in the driver's seat waved at them and drove away. 

Heejun sat on the edge of the sidewalk and Jaewon leaned against a pillar. The kid looks like he was on the verge of falling asleep. 

"You don't have to wait with us." Heejun said, "You can go home."

After taking a good look, Tony noticed that Heejun also looked tired. 

Tony sat next to him and leaned on the pillar as well, "I'll wait." 

Heejun gave him a small thankful smile before closing his eyes. 

"Are you okay?" Tony blurted out. 

Heejun opened one of his eyes, "I'm trying to sleep." 

"Oh." 

"But thanks for asking." 

Tony nodded, allowing him to continue to rest. He turned to Jaewon who had his arms crossed and was blinking sleepily at the road. 

"You can sleep too if you want." Tony said. "I'll wake you up if a car gets here."

He shook his head, "I can't sleep outside like Heejun. I'll sleep in the car." 

"Cool." Tony said. 

They sat in a comfortable silence until Jaewon's aunt arrived. It wasn't a long wait. Jaewon leaned down and shook Heejun awake. 

"She's here." 

Heejun let out a large yawn and stood up. He stretched his limbs out before hunching tiredly. 

"You guys are going together?" Tony asked. 

"Yeah. My aunt picks both of us up most of the time." Jaewon said, "Heejun lives near me." 

Tony nodded. 

"It was nice meeting you." Heejun said, "You're cooler than I'd thought you'd be." 

"Thanks?" 

Jaewon waved at him before pushing a sleepy Heejun into the car. The car sped off as soon as the door closed. 

Tony stood there until he couldn't see the car anymore and began walking home. The warm wind strangely made him miss the cool air from the dance room.

_ That wasn't so bad. They seemed to like me. And I like them too. _

He was actually feeling happy. Any worries he had for the past few days were gone. He thought that his members wouldn't like him or that their first meeting was going to be super awkward, but it wasn't like that. Well it was awkward at some points, but it wasn't awkward _ awkward.  _ They were friendly and nothing about them seemed forced. And although their meeting was brief, he felt like they'd hung out for hours.

Tony stuck his hands into his pockets and sighed happily. He felt warm inside. "These are the people I'm gonna perform with for the rest of my life." he said to himself.

"I'm glad it's them." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally deleted the draft for this chapter and I had to write it all over again. It's shorter than it originally was ^-^; sorry I took too long (sorry if there's any mistakes too)


	4. watermelon

August 5, 1996

  
  


He was on an island. Running for his life from a hog who was mad at him for taking his watermelon. 

_ Could hogs even eat watermelon? _

Anyways, Tony was running as fast as he could, jumping over logs and rocks and dodging the many tree branches that seemed to pop out of nowhere. It was strange that he hasn't run out of breath, but he wasn't complaining about it. He just needed to keep running.

The hog grunted behind him. Tony could hear it speaking in his mind, "_ Give me my food back you two legged freak! _"

"Get your own watermelon!" He screamed. The watermelon was _ his. _He found it so it was his.

He picked up his pace, somehow going twice as fast. Tony spotted a boulder near the edge of a cliff and ran towards it. He jumped up and landed on top of it. He looked down triumphantly at the angry hog. 

"Ha!" 

The hog grunted, "_ I'll get you next time. _" and trudged away.

"I'd like to see you try." Tony stuck his tongue out and jumped onto the top of the cliff. He pulled the watermelon out of his back pocket and found himself a nice spot to sit on under a palm tree. He sighed in relief and sat down on the squishy grass and began to peel his watermelon. His mouth watered as the red innards of the fruit revealed itself unto him in it's juicy glory. 

_ Yum. All for me. Can't believe the hog was trying to take this away from me. _

He opened his mouth wide to bite the waterm—

"—uP!" 

Tony frowned, "The fuck?"

He put the watermelon down and waited for a few seconds, hoping for the strange angry voice to return. 

"I'm hallucinating again." He mumbled when the voice didn't return. Then he shrugged. _ Oh well, at least I have my— _

"—onY" the voice came back, "Wake the fuck up!" 

"Wha—"

"Tony!!" 

Suddenly the palm tree threw a coconut at him and—

Tony woke up and grabbed his stomach in pain, "Oww." He grumbled. He squinted one teary eye open and glared at Mr. Jung who had just kicked him in the stomach.

"Welcome back to the world of the living." He said growled.

Tony then realized that their own song was playing loudly and cursed. Embarrassment and fear rapidly burned across his chest. He glanced to his left to see his members dancing to said song with a sleepy and stressed expression. 

_ I fucked up. _

He scrambled to his feet and quickly began dancing as soon as he figured out what part of the song they were on.

They began recording songs right after he finally met the rest of the members. It wasn't a lot of work as of now. They recorded parts here and there so none of it was actually official yet and there were parts that needed to be edited or omitted. The song that was playing, _ Warriors Descendants* _, was one of the first songs they recorded. It was still mostly instrumental, but it gave him an idea of the direction they were taking music wise. 

Mr. Lee had a few songs in mind that he wanted them to debut to. And so far_ Warriors Descendants _ was on the list. They've been practicing the choreography for that for a few days now. Tony thought that the choreographers were going to monitor them, but it was actually their managers taking turns. They would act like they were the audience and pointed out the flaws that really only an audience member can notice. 

Ever since it was announced that_ Warriors Descendants_ was going to be a possible debut song, Mr. Lee decided to introduce a different type of training. One that required them to dance to whatever they played perfectly. However the catch was that it happened while they were asleep. As soon as the song started playing, they were supposed to wake up and start dancing. Mr. Lee even had them sleeping in the practice room sometimes just for this particular training exercise. 

He said it was good for muscle memory and that it would help them achieve the perfect performance. 

Tony could understand why Mr. Lee chose this type of training for them, but he honestly felt like it was torture. Tony couldn't remember what it felt like to have a good night's sleep because he was worried about Mr. Jung sneaking into his room and playing a random part of _ Warriors Descendants. _He couldn't even close his eyes for a second without feeling like he was about to get jumped.

He must've been incredibly tired this time if he had to get kicked to wake up. 

The music was suddenly shut off and the boys collectively let out a sigh of relief and stopped dancing. Tony frowned when he felt the start of a migraine creeping up in his head and rubbed his head. He squinted at the two managers in front of them. They looked blurry to him. He still hadn't gotten used to the light and didn't even have his glasses on so they were double blurry. 

"I'm disappointed." Kangta's manager, Mr. Yang said. He narrowed his eyes at them. 

"Jaewon, Tony."

He winced and glanced at their youngest who also had a worried expression. Tony couldn't help but get scared at the tone Mr. Yang's voice carried. His voice was soft, yet it carried so much authority. 

"Jaewon, you were 15 seconds too late." He said, while holding a clipboard. It was probably where he's been keeping count.

"Sorry." 

"Last time it was only 7 seconds. What happened this time?" 

Jaewon shrugged. He looked away from Mr. Yang and stared at the door. The manager sighed.

"And Tony, you were 38 seconds too late." 

Tony's shoulders sagged. _ This is my worst one yet. _

"I'm sorry." He said in a small voice.

"We've been training like this for a while now. And each time you seem to be waking up later than the last." 

Tony shrunk. He unconsciously took a small step back and placed a hand on his stomach. He hissed in pain and pulled his hand away. He could feel that it was already bruising.

"Tony I know you're still new here, but you should be better than this. _ Both _ of you should be better than this." He said while pointing at them.

Mr. Jung rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall. He crossed his arms and gave them a pointed look, "I expect you boys to wake up as soon as the music starts playing next time. Don't disappoint me anymore." 

Tony and Jaewon were frozen. 

"Do you understand?" Mr. Jung asked. His voice was like a sharp knife stabbing Tony.

"Yes." They said. 

Heejun cleared his throat, "Come on, can't you give them a break? I mean this is kind of ridiculous—"

"Ridiculous?" Mr. Jung echoed, "What about this is ridiculous?"

"U-umm…" Heejun stammered. He looked surprised. Perhaps even scared. 

"You want to know what _ I _think is ridiculous, Heejun? The fact that you're their leader and you can't even get them to follow a simple training exercise."

Heejun snapped his mouth shut and swallowed. His expression clearly showed that he was upset. Tony felt bad for him. Heejun was trying his hardest to lead them. It wasn't his fault. 

Tony moved to comfort him, but Kangta grabbed his sleeve and shook his head. 

'Wait.' Kangta mouthed. 

Tony looked back at Heejun, who was looking worse with each second that passed. He turned back to Kangta, who was giving him a pleading look. 

He sighed and reluctantly nodded. He understood that they could get punished if he interfered.

"We're doing this for you. Do you boys want to debut or not?" Mr. Jung asked.

"Yeah." Tony answered for them. 

"Then act like it. We want your debut to be perfect. You _ have _ to succeed. That is why we do this."

A deafening silence followed after. The five teenagers stood across the two adults, feeling anxious and rather oppressed. It was the only way Tony could describe it. Anxious and oppressed. 

It didn't take that long for Tony to realize that the staff went easy on him during his first three days. They always yelled before, but it was never like this. It was never this frightening. Tony felt like a cornered animal anytime he was near one of them. Of course they've never raised a hand against him or the members, but he's pretty sure they would if given the opportunity. The fact that Mr. Jung kicked him today said a lot. He'd probably do it again in a heartbeat if Tony wasn't careful.

Mr. Yang suddenly pressed play. The song was in a different spot than before, though. He probably rewinded it during Mr. Jung's lecture. Tony panicked and hurriedly started dancing to the part, praying he didn't mess up again.

He occasionally glanced at his members and felt strangely comforted that they were just as scared and stressed as he was. It wasn't just him that felt like they could breakdown at any point. He sure felt like crying right now. Tony bit his lip hard and continued to move his arms and legs. 

Mr. Jung raised his hand and Mr. Yang paused the song. 

The five boys immediately stopped. Tony gulped. _ Did we mess up again? _His heart began to race. 

"Now was that so hard to do?" Mr. Jung asked, his voice booming across the room. The corners of his lips were slightly raised in satisfaction. 

_ Oh, I guess not. _Tony sagged in relief this time.

"No, sir." They said in unison.

"Good. Because this is what we want. Perfection." 

"Yes, sir." They said. 

They almost sounded like robots.

Tony and Woohyuk shared a look. It looked like he was also relieved. He doesn't show it, but Tony could tell that he'd also been afraid. 

Mr. Jung checked his wristwatch, "Anyways, it's lunchtime for us. So we'll be going now. Continue practicing or rest for a while, I don't really care." He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulders. He pulled Mr. Yang along who had hastily gathered his binders and clipboards. 

As soon as the managers left the room, Kangta let out a frustrated sigh. It sounded more like pterodactyl screaming to be honest. Tony couldn't help but agree. He too, wanted to let out his inner pterodactyl right now. 

"Fuck, I really thought I was gonna die." Kangta said, "I even started praying in my head. Can you believe that?" He laid on the floor with his arms spread out. His hair was flat against his head from the amount of sweat he produced. 

"Me too." Jaewon said, "This just keeps getting harder and harder."

Woohyuk kicked his tattered backpack and crouched next to it. He unzipped it and pulled out some water bottles and handed one to each of them. 

"Here, drink up. We're going to need it." He said, glancing at the clock on the wall. It was only 2:25 pm. Their practice had barely just begun. 

Tony greedily drank his water. He was still shaking from that lecture and just needed _ something _.

_ If I was a cat, I would've probably lost a life by now. _

He glanced at Heejun who was leaning against the wall, looking like a kicked puppy. He walked up to him and patted him on the shoulder and tried to offer some comfort.

"Don't listen to them. You're a great leader. You're trying your best and we appreciate it." He said. 

Heejun ran a hand through his hair and gave him a tired smile, "Thank you." 

"Drink some water and chill for a second." Tony continued.

"Yeah, let me just—" Heejun twisted the cap open and downed the water "— there." he said after a large breath. 

Tony nodded, satisfied that Heejun was feeling a little less miserable. He clearly wasn't happy, but at least he looked like he wasn't feeling like total shit. Or so he hoped.

"Is your stomach okay?" Heejun asked.

"Yeah, it's fine. He didn't kick me hard. It hurt, but it's okay now." Tony lied and rubbed his stomach lightly. It didn't hurt anymore, really, at least when he's not touching it. 

"You sure?" His thick eyebrows were scrunched together in worry, "It really looked like it hurt."

"Yep, I'm sure." He gave him a smile.

"That's good, then." He said.

"Hey, we should keep practicing. They're gonna come back." Woohyuk called. 

Kangta pouted, "Let me stay here. I'm sulking. I think I feel a bad mood coming up." 

"Okay then." Woohyuk sighed, "Jaewon? Tony? Heejun?" He said, looking at the three with curious eyes. 

"Yeah sure." Jaewon said. 

Tony nodded in agreement. 

"Uhm, I'm just gonna chill for a sec." Heejun said. He threw his empty water bottle into the trash can and took a seat next to the blob that was Kangta. 

"Cool." He leaned over and pressed play on the boombox, "Come on then." 

Jaewon and Tony followed Woohyuks lead. It was easier to dance without their managers present. Tony didn't feel like he was going to royally mess up, though he did screw up the choreo once or twice here. But at least he wasn't going to be yelled at for it. 

"Jaewon has it down." Woohyuk said when they finished. He earned a happy smile from Jaewon. "Tony, you kind of have it. You just need to fix your arm movement and you'll have it down 100%."

"Yeah, but it's confusing. My body just wants to go the same way as my legs. I can do it sometimes, but then other times it's like my body freezes up." Tony pouted. 

"That's okay. You just gotta keep practicing. You'll get it down in no time if you do." 

Tony awkwardly nodded at that. "Yeah, I guess."

Woohyuk then shoved his hands down his pockets and gave him an expectant look.

"What?" Tony said.

"Well?" 

"Well, what?" Tony asked, beginning to get annoyed. 

"Aren't you going to ask for help?" 

Tony went red, "Um.." 

Woohyuk laughed, "I'm just asking." 

"I guess so." He muttered.

Woohyuk looked away for a second and then gave him an amused smile, "Hey, there's nothing wrong with asking for help, you know. We did say we would help you when we met, didn't we?"

"Yeah, well, I wanted to try it by myself first, you know." 

"Yeah, I get it." Woohyuk said, "But it's better to ask for help." 

"You sure you want me asking you two for help every seconds?" 

"I don't mind." Woohyuk looked back at Heejun who, with Jaewon, was currently trying to drag Kangta off the floor— and failing. He turned back to Tony and said, "As you can see, Heejuns got a lot in his hands these days. He's the one that usually helps Kangta and Jaewon with their dancing. You can ask me for help instead."

Tony nodded, the embarrassment he felt disappeared the more Woohyuk talked, "Okay then, please help me with my stupid arms."

"Okay, I'll do it slowly for you and you can follow after. I can show you some tips later to prevent getting mixed up. It's easy once you get the hang of it." 

He grinned, "Yes, sir."

.

.

.

Tony opened the door to his dorm and slammed it shut. Without bothering to turn the lights on, he blindly walked up to his couch and laid on it slowly. 

"Jesus fucking Christ." He muttered. His body ached so bad, that even laying down made it ache even worse. Tony wrapped his arm around his stomach and then laid on his side before removing his arm gently. It lessened the pain. 

He stayed like that for almost an hour without moving or thinking. He was utterly exhausted, yet he couldn't fall asleep. 

Tony had practiced with Woohyuk for a good hour and a half before Mr. Jung and Mr. Yang returned. Then it was back to more dancing and more yelling. You'd think he'd get used to it by now, but he wasn't. He'd actually been doing well until they showed up, but he choked up in their presence and completely forgot what Woohyuk taught him.

He stood up and went to the kitchen, feeling around for the light switch. He turned the lights on and opened the fridge, squinting at the bright light. 

Tony pulled the ice tray out and closed the fridge. He then pulled out a plastic bag, threw all of the ice inside it and placed the tray in the sink. He tied the bag tightly and pressed it against his stomach. The shirt served as a barrier between his skin and the ice, but it still managed to make him flinch from how cold it was.

He gritted his teeth when he accidentally pressed the ice too hard against his stomach. "Owww." He whined.

_ Fuck you Jung Yoomin. _

He leaned against the fridge and stayed like that for around twenty minutes, daydreaming about kicking Mr. Jung's ass. He wasn't strong at all, but he bet he could beat him with a bat. 

_ Wait no that's too violent, I wouldn't do that. _

When he got bored of daydreaming, Tony threw the bag into the sink and headed towards his room. He purposely avoided his eyes from making contact with the phone on the wall.

He turned the light on and pulled his shirt off and opened his closet. He searched through the pile on the bottom and pulled out a dark shirt that he's been using as pyjamas for a few days now. 

Before he could put the shirt on, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and froze. 

Tony stared at himself for a while, surprised by how much weight he lost in such a short amount of time. He didn't look like himself anymore. 

"Huh." Tony muttered and poked a rib. 

It's not like he was fat before this. He's always been skinny. Just never _ this _ skinny. He knew it had to do with Mr. Lee's stupid "diet". He just didn't realize that it actually had an effect on him. 

He sighed, "S'not like I can do anything about it to be honest." 

He ran his eyes further down. They widened at the sight of a large purple bruise decorating his stomach.

_ It really looks worse than it feels. _

Tony threw the shirt on his bed before grabbing his backpack and pulling out some cream. He bought it after seeing how much his body hurt after practicing. It helped dull the pain. It would probably help with the bruising. 

"Probably." He muttered as he placed some on the bruise. 

Tony wiped his hands on his jeans and placed the cream back in his backpack. 

He grabbed the shirt again and slipped it on. He then pulled his pants and socks off and threw them into the closet. Tony sighed at the pile that was getting larger with each day that passed.

_ I'll wash them one day. Just not now. _ He told himself.

Tony slid into his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin, not bothering to turn the lights off. He turned his back to the door.

"Tomorrow will be a good day." He whispered to himself, gripping the sheets tightly, "It'll be okay. You'll see, Seungho."

He closed his eyes and tried his hardest to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!! ^—^
> 
> *You can search for H.O.T. Warriors Descendants on YouTube if you want to check out the song (it's on Spotify too), idk how to post links on the notes yet lol sorry
> 
> Also sorry if there's any mistakes ú_ù;;


	5. tennis ball

August 6, 1996

  
  


An old song from his father's youth was playing softly across the store. Tony recognized it because his father would play it all the time in their apartment back at home whenever he was missing Korea. It made Tony feel like there weren't miles and miles between them. 

Shopping carts rolled by noisily. Small children chattered endlessly, sometimes banging their tiny hands against the handle of the cart, trying to get attention from their busy parents. There was a butcher a few aisles down loudly calling out numbers to attend the next person. The customers replied just as loud, possibly holding up their tickets to prove that the number belonged to them. A few feet away from Tony stood two old ladies catching up with each other. From the sound of their voices, whatever news they were telling wasn't a good one.

Yep, this was just a regular Tuesday at a regular supermarket.

Tony looked over the section full of different kinds of ramen. The different colors of the packaging caught his eyes. He wanted to taste all of them. They all looked delicious. 

He pulled a packet out and read it slowly. He was a bit rusty with reading Korean, but he could still understand it. He'd probably be as good as he used to be in a few months. Perhaps even better. 

He placed it in his basket after determining that it was worthy of being eaten by him. 

Tony hummed peacefully. His eyes ran across each packet and each bowl carefully. 

"Wow this store has a lot." He said, "Can't believe I never thought about going to a supermarket rather than the convenience store."

He pulled a bowl out, his mouth watered at the picture on the packaging. _ Yup, definitely going into my basket. _

"Though the supermarket _ is _ kind of far." He mumbled.

"What? Did you say something?" Kangta asked.

Oh yeah, he'd forgotten Kangta was with him as well.

He turned his head. Kangta was standing behind him, looking confused.

"Huh? Nothing, just talking to myself." Tony said.

"Oh." 

"Yeah." 

Tony felt gravity weighing him down after the conversation died. 

He bumped into Kangta outside of SM Entertainment this morning. Practice had been cancelled today, but apparently they both forgot and waited in front of the building for the doors to open. When they realized that it had been cancelled, Kangta suggested they hang out. 

Tony panicked and suggested they get groceries. Which was totally not lame at all. 

When Kangta saw that he was leading him to the convenience store, he was taken aback. He grabbed Tony's arm and told him that it was better if they went to the supermarket instead.

And that's how they ended up here. In the ramen section.

He glanced back at Kangta's basket. He noticed there were vegetables, fruit, spices, meat, drinks etc. Stuff he's never seen someone around his age buy. Or maybe it was just Tony.

"You saving up for the apocalypse?" He joked and pointed at the blue basket. It almost looked like it could break at any second from how many items it was holding.

Kangta pulled the basket up, "Oh this? Nah not really. My mom gave me a list of things I should buy by the end of the week. I might as well get them now since we're here and all."

The conversation died again.

It wasn't like there was anything wrong between them. It's just that he's never been alone with Kangta outside of practice. In fact, now that he thought about it, he's never been alone with the rest either.

So basically it was just a bit awkward right now. They didn't know enough about each other to start a conversation.

Tony turned back to the ramen and grabbed a bunch of ramen without looking at the flavor this time. He threw them into his basket and then followed Kangta out of the aisle and into the frozen section.

He watched him pull out ice cream and force it into the very full basket. 

Kangta made a face at all the ramen in Tony's basket.

"It's hot outside." Kangta started, "You should get some of these too." He pulled out ice cream and popsicles and placed them on Tony's basket. 

"Thanks." He said. 

"You should also get fruit. Or something healthy. Eating ramen everyday will kill you." Kangta said with a serious expression.

"No it won't." 

"Yeah it will." 

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Your basket literally only has ramen and the things I put in. How are you still alive?"

Tony huffed. Kangta could be pretty stubborn and he was sure that Kangta wouldn't mind going on like this for hours. So he trudged back to the greens section— where he had waited almost 30 minutes for Kangta to grab every fruit and vegetable in the store— and grabbed a bag of carrots and some lettuce. He showed them to Kangta and made a face that basically said, 'you happy?'' and then threw them into his basket.

Kangta laughed at him, "Your stomach will thank me this week." 

"My stomach happens to enjoy noodles." Tony said.

"Sorry I can only hear it crying for help." 

Tony stuck his lower lip out and pushed Kangta towards check out before he suggested he buy more vegetables. 

While standing in line, Tony looked into his basket and calculated the price in his head. He realized he grabbed way too many bowls of ramen. He could already tell that he wouldn't be able to afford it. 

"Let's pay together." Tony said, "I'll pay you later. I didn't bring enough money." 

Kangta shrugged, "Sure, why not." He grabbed Tony's basket and placed it behind a divider along with his basket. 

"Thanks." 

"No problem." 

He made a mental note to pay him by the end of the week.

.

.

.

Tony and Kangta sat at the back of the bus. They sighed in relief as the air from the air conditioner blasted them from all angles, instantly cooling their bodies down.

"I've never been more thankful to ride the bus." Tony said. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes and enjoyed the cool air.

"Me too." Kangta said, placing his wallet into his pocket, "I can't believe it's so hot outside." 

"It's still summer." 

"Yeah but still. It's got to be like 90°. This is crazy."

"You think that's bad? I bet you'd melt if you ever go to LA."

"Oh yeah? How hot can it get?"

"Sometimes it can get over 120°."

Kangta's eyes widened, "_ 120° _?!" 

"Yep. I don't know how we're still alive, honestly."

"Well fuck, I'm glad I don't live there."

The bus was almost empty. People had probably already arrived at work and students were most likely already into their second class of the day. So that was probably the reason why there weren't many people.

Tony sighed happily. He was glad that it was just them two plus a few grandmas in the front. That allowed them to place the bags on the seats next to them rather than the floor or on their laps. 

He looked out the window and watched the buildings go by. There were stores that he faintly recognized and buildings that he's never seen before. He couldn't help but be fascinated everytime he left his dorm. There was always something new or something he hasn't seen for a decade. 

Tony's mind wandered off to the other day when he was taking a long stroll at night while thinking about ways to improve his dancing. He came upon an old shop. It had a hand painted sign on top that read 'Discount Shop'. There was another sign on the window that read, 'out of business.' The once bright pink paint on the building was now dull and peeling off. It's clearly been abandoned for years.

He used to go there with his sister after their parents got divorced. Their father took custody of them and was working multiple jobs everyday to support them so he didn't have time for either of them. Jeong-ah was 12 at the time while he was just 5. 

Sometimes, after picking him up from school, she'd take him to the Discount Shop and let him pick a toy or a snack. Just so he could have something to play with or to fill his stomach before dinner that evening. He remembered getting a small plastic bear once and giving it to his father as a present for father's day. 

He couldn't believe the shop was still standing. Sure it was closed, but it was still there. It represented part of his childhood and it made him feel more at ease.

"How's your stomach?" Kangta asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Tony turned back to his friend and pulled his shirt up to reveal a nasty bruise, "Take a look." 

Kangta hissed, "Ow, that has to hurt." 

He put his shirt down, "Only when I touch it though. I keep forgetting I have it." 

Kangta pulled his shorts up a bit and showed Tony his own bruise, "Check mine out." It was green and purple and was shaped kind of like a rectangle.

"Woah, when did you get that? Are you okay?"

"Sunday. Remember how I came a few minutes late?"

Tony nodded. 

"And remember how I stayed after practice was over?"

He nodded again.

"Well, Mr. Yang hit me with a stick. He said the bruise would serve as a reminder to never come late again. I'm okay though." 

Tony scrunched his nose, "What a dick." 

"Yeah." Kangta giggled.

They then compared bruises, trying to see which is darker and who was more miserable based on how much it hurt getting hit. 

The two went on like that for the majority of the bus ride. Their little competition of whose life sucks more was buried under the loud air conditioner. The elderly ladies in the front calmly conversed amongst themselves like there wasn't a pair of loud teenagers in the back.

"Wow, can you believe us?" Tony said, "We're laughing about getting hit." 

"I mean just look at them." Kangta said while pointing at their bruises, "The whole concept is so sad and pathetic that it's funny."

He was a bit surprised that he _ wasn't surprised _ at Kangta telling him that he was also being hit. After yesterday, he was sure that there was a possibility of getting hurt more. He thought that it might happen to the others as well, but in reality it's been happening to them longer than he's been a trainee. He should be surprised, but he wasn't. It was just sad and pathetic like Kangta said. That getting hurt was a price they had to pay in order to debut. 

"Yeah, you're right." Tony said softly.

They smiled at each other. Somehow being miserable together made them feel better about the situation.

Already, Tony could feel that awkwardness they had between them collapse. It was like they had been friends for a long time and not just group members. 

"So anyways, I was thinking we should all hang out one day. We've been cooped up in that practice room for a while and we just need a day just for us." Kangta said. He rummaged through the plastic bags and pulled out two cans of juice. He handed one to Tony who greedily grabbed it. 

"Thanks. And where?" He popped the can open. 

"The park. The one by my house. It's kind of small and no one ever really goes there anymore." 

Tony narrowed his eyes, "You saying it's haunted?" 

Kangta did a double take, "What kind of logic…? How did you come to that conclusion?!" 

He shrugged, "A small and abandoned park? Sounds haunted to me. You sure nobody died there?" 

"It's _ not _haunted." Kangta laughed. 

"You sure?"

"Yes I'm triple sure. I go there all the time." 

Tony sipped his juice.

"If you say so." 

"Yes I do say so." 

"Okay." He chugged his can, "I'll believe you."

Kangta nodded in satisfaction and took a gulp out of his own can.

"We should call them, I think there's a payphone at the next stop." Tony said. 

Kangta's face lit up, "Today?" 

"Yeah why not? It's not like we're doing anything today." 

Of course the four had schoolwork to complete, but it's not like skipping it for today was going to affect them much. 

Kangta looked delighted and babbled on about the park and how ghost free it was. He even told him childhood stories that took place in that park. Tony listened quietly, absorbing every detail that came out of his mouth. He'd forgotten how peaceful it felt to listen to a friend who was excited about something, even if it was about a park.

.

.

.

Woohyuk POV

  
  


"Ow!" Heejun exclaimed, "Why do tennis balls hurt more than basketballs?" He rubbed his forehead.

"Sorry I didn't mean to." Woohyuk said, "Your face was in the way." 

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm way shorter than the hoop." 

"You were supposed to catch it, dumbass." 

Heejun suddenly threw the ball at Woohyuk who dodged. He slumped and let out a large sigh, "Worth a try." 

Neither Woohyuk or Heejun brought anything when they were invited to the park. Only Jaewon brought a boom box and a few tapes for them to listen to while they were there. 

There was a single basketball hoop in the entire park and the urge to play basketball got the better of them. Of course since they didn't bring anything with them, they had to improvise. First they aimed their shoes at the hoop, but the ground was too hot for their socked feet so they switched to rocks. Throwing rocks seemed to work for a while before one of them smacked Woohyuk on the arm and left a large bruise on him. Heejun then found an old tennis ball in the grass and they've been shooting hoops with it ever since.

Woohyuk looked up and squinted his eyes at the sky. There wasn't a single cloud in sight and the sun was glaring down on them at full force. Summer was a bitch. Woohyuk had even removed his shirt and placed it on his head like a hat. It absorbed all his sweat and gave him a bit of shade. 

"Kangta and Tony sure picked a hell of a day to play in the park." Woohyuk said. He picked up the tennis ball and began bouncing it. A hollow sound echoed through the otherwise empty park. Someone could probably hear it a few blocks down.

Heejun wiped his sweat and slicked his bangs back. Woohyuk passed him the ball and watched as Heejun tried to shoot it into the hoop. 

"So what do you think?" Heejun said, after missing every shot.

Woohyuk wiped sweat off of his brows with his shirt and gave Heejun a look, "About what?"

"Us."

"Huh?"

"I mean the five of us. What do you think?"

He narrowed his eyes and thought for a second. What did he think of them? Of course he thought well of all of them. He considered them all close friends, even Tony who was still new. 

He knew what Heejun meant with that question though. 

_ Do you think we'll debut? _

That really wasn't up to him to decide. But if it was, he'd say they're 90% there. Each member was talented and they could all sing and dance. The only thing they really needed was confidence. 

After yesterday's fiasco with the muscle memory training, he could say that confidence is what they really needed. It was more apparent on Tony, Kangta and Jaewon. The three of them showed it differently, but they each caved under pressure and fear. 

He and Heejun could take any criticism. Woohyuk was pretty confident in his dancing and his rapping and although Heejun does get upset from time to time, he bounces back up hours later determined to do better. Whereas the other three took a while before they got over it. He could say that the 'criticism' they got— which was really just yelling— was doing the opposite of what criticism should do. 

It was no wonder they did well when Heejun and Woohyuk taught them, but would freeze up whenever their managers showed up.

If they were confident they could do better and not let the fear of punishment get to them when they performed in front of the managers, then Woohyuk would be 100% sure that their debut was going to happen.

He glanced at the other three who were messing around with the sandbox. He could see them drawing something with a large branch they found. Probably a branch that had fallen off of one of the dead trees. Although they looked content, he could tell there was tension left over from yesterday. 

Woohyuk lowered his gaze at Jaewon, who was digging holes and burying rocks in them. Perhaps he was taking out whatever anger or worry he had left over onto the poor sand.

"Woohyuk?" 

He blinked. Heejun was staring at him, still waiting for an answer.

"Oh. I think we'll be fine." He said, "I'm almost sure."

Heejun hmmed. He ran a hand through his hair again. Sweat ran down his neck and into his shirt.

"What, are you worried?" Woohyuk asked.

"A bit."

"Why?"

Heejun sighed again, "I don't know. It's just— it's kind of hard to imagine us as celebrities. Like, I feel like it doesn't matter how much training we go through, if we debut, we'll still be _ us. _" 

He shrugged "Celebrities are people too, you know."

"I _ know _ that. But it's still weird to think about. Like you look at any celebrity and they seem untouchable. Like Michael Jackson! He's practically a _ god. _" He said, "Celebrities have a different feel to regular people. I'm— I just don't know if we'll ever achieve that level." 

Woohyuk frowned. Now that he thought of it, Heejun was right. No one had ever spared them a second glance or treated them better than others. They were just regular teenagers.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but we'll get to that when we get there." 

He stared at the weathered blacktop. There were plants already growing in between the cracks. The bright green created a huge contrast against the black. 

"Let's join the rest." Heejun said after a while, "The sun is killing me and they're taking all the shade." 

He grabbed the tennis ball from Heejun and followed him towards the sandbox.

Woohyuk sat on the edge of it, not wanting sand to stick to his jeans while Heejun just plopped onto it.

"So who won?" Jaewon asked. 

"No one." Woohyuk said.

"He hit me on my forehead." Heejun said. 

Tony handed them water bottles and pointed at Heejun's forehead, "Your forehead is red."

"Wah! Really?!" 

"Yeah." He chuckled.

"My mom's gonna kill me." He rubbed it, "Is it gone?" 

"No."

"wAH—"

"So what are you guys doing?" Woohyuk asked. He inched closer to Tony who went back to digging a hole with a small stick. He watched him place a rock inside.

"We're burying rocks." Kangta said.

Jaewon gasped, "Look away!" 

"Why?"

"We're hiding them so that you two could find them later." 

"Like a scavenger hunt?" Heejun asked.

"Kind of, but stop looking!" 

Woohyuk and Heejun turned away allowing the three to finish burying the rocks.

"What do we get if we find the rocks?" Woohyuk asked.

"I don't know." Tony said, "We didn't think that far."

"Uhhh." Kangta started. 

"Whoever finds the most, gets a hug from everyone." Jaewon said, "The loser gets no hugs and has to buy us lunch." 

"Why hugs?" Tony asked.

Woohyuk began digging at the grass with his shoe before moving it away when he spotted a worm. 

"Hugs are the best prize." Jaewon said, "Besides, we're too broke to bet on money." 

"True that." 

"Ahhh I'm gonna get hugs from all you sweaty fucks." Heejun said. 

"You're saying that like you already won." Woohyuk said. 

"I can see the future." 

"We'll see about that." Woohyuk challenged, "I can already see it, 'Woohyuk, King of Hugs' written on the blacktop." He brought his hands up, like he was making a sign. 

"As if, you weirdo."

Woohyuk stayed silent for a while, trying to think of a comeback for being called a weirdo. 

Heejun smiled triumphantly.

"...That's why your forehead is big." Woohyuk said.

"What."

Woohyuk laughed as Heejun smacked him lightly.

"I'm gonna kick your ass." Heejun said.

"Okay, okay we're done, stop fighting you two." Kangta said. 

They quickly turned around.

"We're not fighting." He said.

"We're discussing." Heejun said. 

"Whatever, come on! Find them!" Jaewon exclaimed. He seemed pretty excited about this game. 

They moved out of the sandbox to watch them dig. 

"The person who finds the most in 10 seconds gets the most hugs." Jaewon called. 

_ 10 seconds?? _

"And start!" 

They began to dig hard. Woohyuk tried his best to find the rocks and tried to remember the exact location of Tony's rock but somehow it teleported out of there. 

_ He must've changed it after he saw that I was looking. _

He looked up to see Tony smirking. 

_ He _ ** _did_ ** _ ! _

When Kangta called time, Woohyuk had only found 4 rocks. 

He turned to Heejun who clearly had more than 4.

"See I told you!" Heejun exclaimed, "I can see the future!" He spread his arms out, "Come here and hug me!" 

Woohyuk sat there and watched him get a hug from each member. _ I'm not jealous, it's only hugs. I can always get one another day. _

"You're so sweaty, Heejun." Jaewon said after he removed himself from Heejun's embrace. 

"You'll take a shower later." 

"Why do I feel like 'later' means 'at night'." 

Heejun gave him a smile, "Cause there's still time to hang out, we gotta make today count!"

Kangta agreed, "Yep, we have to train tomorrow remember?"

"I know, I know. But still, we should wash up though. I don't wanna be sweaty when Woohyuk buys us lunch." 

Woohyuk grabbed his shirt from his head and looked at it. It was literally drenched in sweat.

"Jaewon's right." He said, "I don't wanna be half naked all day. Let's go to Kangta's house and shower." 

"Wha—" Kangta started.

"Cool let's go then." Heejun said, "I was trying to be humble but I don't like being sweaty too." 

Kangta sighed and reluctantly told them to follow him. Jaewon grabbed the boom box and turned the volume up. Tupac's music filled the empty street as the boys began their journey to Kangtas house. 

Tony stood behind, waiting for Woohyuk to stand up.

"Aren't you going?" Woohyuk asked. 

"Yeah but I wanted to do something." 

Woohyuk noticed Tony's ears turning red, "What is it?" 

He stood up and was immediately embraced by Tony. He froze, "What?" 

The shirt he had in his hands fell down onto the grass. His fingers had gone weak for a moment.

Tony's arms were wrapped gently around his neck. 

"I felt bad that you didn't get a hug. You looked upset." He said.

Woohyuk felt his face go red and slowly wrapped his arms around Tony's waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. He couldn't help but notice the soft aroma of detergent and cheap perfume mixed with sweat lingering on Tony's t-shirt. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart because at that moment he realized something. 

"Thank you." He said, enjoying the feel of Tony's arms wrapped around him.

Tony pulled away and gave him a shy smile, "You're welcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any mistakes ^-^;


	6. doritos

August 9, 1996

  
  


Tony tried not to laugh. He really did, but he just couldn't contain it any longer. It was practically forcing itself out of his mouth like soda that has been shaken for too long. It didn't want to leave his mind and the harder he tried to forget, the funnier it became. He covered his face with his hands, trying to muffle the sound, but it still managed to be just as loud as it would've been had he not covered it.

"What are you even laughing about?" Kangta asked. 

Tony laughed even harder at that, "S-stop I can't." He stood up and held his stomach and began to jump a bit, "I'm gonna piss my pants." 

"Tony's gone crazy." Jaewon said while stuffing himself with Doritos. 

"What else is new?" Heejun said while pulling out a manga and flipping through it. He stopped in a dramatic looking page and began reading.

Woohyuk had a big smile on his face. He looked confused but it seemed like Tony's laughter was getting to him.

Tears streamed down his face as giggles escaped from his lips. He placed his hands on his waist and leaned back a bit while taking deep breaths to try to calm himself down. His body was beginning to hurt by how hard he'd been laughing. 

Kangta chuckled nervously, "What the hell." 

That sent Tony into another fit.

Heejun sighed and flipped to a new page and rested his cheek on his hand. Jaewon offered chips to Woohyuk who declined and munched on his sandwich instead.

It was Friday evening and the boys were procrastinating rather than practicing  _ Warriors Descendants _ like they were supposed to. Tomorrow is Saturday and pre-weekend laziness took hold of them. Hell, they haven't done  _ anything _ since they arrived at the practice room. 

Kangta brought his uno deck and that entertained them for a good while. That is until Jaewon kept winning with plus 4's every round and Heejun had to stop the game before they got into an argument. Jaewon proclaimed himself as Uno King despite their protests.

So they played I Spy for a while after that, but they got bored of that quickly. There wasn't that much to spy when all there was were 4 walls and a boom box. 

They stopped playing all together and just talked for a while about anything. Mostly about homework or what they're planning to do tomorrow. Woohyuk told them a weird story about how his backpack got stolen last night and the lengths he went to get it back. It involved a potato and a shoe.

Their conversation went on for hours and it was actually enjoyable until something that Woohyuk said sparked a memory in Tony that sent him screaming.

Tony wiped his eyes, "Fucking hell…" 

Heejun checked the clock, "15 minutes, Tony. You really laughed your ass off for 15 minutes." 

Which unfortunately sent him laughing again.

"Oh my god, Heejun, look at what you did." Kangta whined.

Heejun chuckled and shook his head. He looked at the clock before going back to his manga.

  
  


5 hours ago

  
  


Tony sat in the incredibly uncomfortable chair in Mr. Lee's office. Jaewon sat on his right while Woohyuk was on his left, looking just as worried as he felt. Kangta and Heejun stood behind them since there weren't any other chairs for them and the other one was for Mr. Lee.

Mr. Lee had arrived half an hour late and his excuse was that he was bird watching and got distracted.

"I gathered you here because I thought of a name for you boys. I think it's a great one!" Mr. Lee exclaimed. 

He was leaning forward with his elbows resting on the table and his hands tucked underneath his chin. There was a feather stuck to his suit, but none of the boys bothered to tell him.

"I think it's the right time to tell you." He said.

Jaewon gasped, "A name?"

Tony raised his eyebrow curiously, "What is it?" 

"H.O.T.!"

"H.O.T.? Sounds pretty cool." Woohyuk said excitedly.

"What does it stand for?" Heejun asked.

Mr. Lee gave them a proud smile, "High-Five of Teenager!"

_ Oh my... _

Tony sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw tightly. Laughter was bubbling up inside him as soon as those words left Mr. Lee's mouth. He bit his lip hard and hung his head. 

"It matches perfectly because—" Mr. Lee continued.

Any word that Mr. Lee said completely flew over his head as he tried his hardest not to make a sound. 

Woohyuk nudged him with his leg, making Tony look up at him. 

"What's wrong with you?" Woohyuk mouthed.

Tony only smiled and shook his head.

  
  


Present

  
  


He'd forgotten about it about an hour later but Woohyuk just had to remind him. Unintentionally or not, he's the reason why he couldn't keep calm right now.

Woohyuk had said, "punk" and for some strange reason, it automatically translated to 'teenager' in his mind which brought him back to High-Five of Teenager.

The more he thought about it, the funnier it got. It's just that it doesn't make sense is what makes it so funny to him. The fact that he knew English as well didn't make it any better. 

But he had to admit that H.O.T. was a nice name. The acronym sounded cool and badass. And High-Five of Teenager sounded endearing by itself. So it was the best of both worlds, really.

Heejun set his manga down and stared at him with suspicious eyes, "Are you gonna laugh again?"

Tony shook his head, biting his lip to avoid letting a giggle out. He just managed to calm down again after laughing for another 15 minutes.

"Okay… so what was so funny?" Heejun asked. 

He took a deep breath and swallowed down another chuckle. He sat down by Kangta and took a Dorito from Jaewon. 

"I don't think you'd understand." Tony said. 

"You were laughing like crazy," Woohyuk said, "I wanna know."

"I wanna laugh too." Kangta said. 

"No trust me, you guys wouldn't get it." He said.

Kangta pouted, trying to look cute. Tony wanted to smother him with his backpack just for trying that with him.

Tony sighed and pushed that thought away. He gave in and said, "Okay, so like, High-Five of Teenager." He raised his eyebrows at them like he was expecting them to get it immediately.

The clock ticked loudly, the air conditioner turned on and they all stared at him like he'd gone insane.

"What about it?" Jaewon asked. He grabbed his Doritos back from Kangta who was in the process of trying to steal them.

"Guys,  _ High-Five of Teenager. _ " He giggled again. Tears sprung in his eyes as he tried to hold back even harder.

"Ah, shit, here we go again." Woohyuk said. 

"I don't get it." Heejun whined. 

It was funnier now that the others didn't understand. It was like his own personal inside joke now. 

" _ High-Five of Teenager! _ " He burst out laughing, "Oh my God, I love the name, but it just doesn't make sense!" 

Jaewon giggled softly, though he wore a confused expression. Tony's laughter was becoming contagious. 

"Why doesn't it make sense?" Woohyuk asked. A soft dimple decorated his cheek. 

"It just doesn't!" He laughed, "In English at least." 

"Ohhh I see." Heejun laughed awkwardly, "Okay then." 

Kangta appeared to be very confused and looked back and forth between Tony and the rest. No one seemed to want to explain it to him so he pouted and took one chip from Jaewon. 

"I wish Sunho were here, he'd understand." Tony sighed. He stretched his legs out and leaned back with his hands resting on the floor behind him.

"Sunho?" Woohyuk asked. 

"Yeah. He's my friend." 

Woohyuks mouth formed an 'o' and he frowned, suddenly deep in thought. 

Tony raised his eyebrow, "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, I'm—"

The door suddenly burst open causing the boys to jump. Jaewon scrambled to hide his chips while Heejun hid his manga inside his own backpack. Woohyuk stuffed his entire sandwich in his mouth and swallowed hard, somehow managing to look normal after doing that. 

The smile was completely wiped off of Tony's face and was replaced by dismay. He glanced at Kangta who looked frightened. 

Tony held his hand out and gestured with his eyes for Kangta to give him the Uno deck. Kangta quickly gave it to him and Tony slipped it into his pocket right before Mr. Yang looked over at him.

They were supposed to be practicing. 

"Why are you guys sitting?" Mr. Yang asked, "Why aren't you practicing?"

Heejun flinched, "We were just resting." 

The manager narrowed his eyes, "Well get up then, break time is over."

Tony breathed out heavily. Who knew what he could've done if he'd seen the deck.

"Yes, sir." They echoed.

.

.

.

.

August 10, 1996

  
  


The  _ tick tick ticking  _ of the clock sounded louder to Tony than it really was. It resonated inside his head like a time bomb. And it might as well have been one. 

He was in a dilemma. A self made one at that. He had no one to blame but himself for this.

Tony stared at his phone from his spot on the floor. Not even his noodles could help take his eyes off of it. 

The phone hung innocently on the wall almost like it was mocking him.

It's  _ not _ like he hasn't called home since he got here. He calls at least once a week and has avoided being asked to talk to his mother 80% of the time. (Mostly because it's his sister that answers him). Whenever his father asks for his mother, he usually makes dumb excuses like, " _ She's hanging out in the backyard"  _ or " _ She's in the toilet"  _ and most recently it was, " _ she's counting bricks _ ". Euijun obviously didn't believe that one, but didn't push the matter forward. He just took it like she didn't want to speak to him.

The problem now was that he didn't know how long he could keep making excuses. They just got their group name. Kangta told him earlier that when he first became a trainee, Mr. Lee explained to him that they would debut when they got their name. He knew that they weren't debuting today or tomorrow, but if he went with what Kangta told him, then they were nearing their debut. Maybe next month or the month after. The bottom line is that their debut is happening and he hasn't told his dad about it.

Euijun didn't like the idea of Tony being a singer when he first brought it up in April and told him never to mention it again. So he could either tell his dad what he was really doing in Korea or he could continue the lie that he was with his mom. Either way he was getting his ass kicked.

Tony sighed and set his chopsticks down. He crawled over to his couch and grabbed his last phone card that he left there last week. It was wrinkled from use and this was probably the last time he could use it. There was probably half an hour left on it.

_ You knew this day was coming. _ He told himself. 

He stood up and grabbed the phone and dialed the number on the card. He held the phone gently against his ear and waited for the voice to tell him to dial whoever he wanted to call. 

Tony's hand began to shake as he pressed each number. Hearing the  _ beep beep beep _ as he waited for the call to connect made him want to jump out the window. 

It clicked, indicating that someone finally someone picked up. Tony froze and held his breath. His entire body went cold and his heart was pounding so hard that it could've ripped through his ribcage.

"Hello?" 

He let out the breath he was holding and rested his forehead on the wall in front of him. Sweat ran down the back of his neck.

"J-Jeong-ah, hey, I didn't think you'd be home yet." He said. His body felt like jelly. He was relieved that his dad didn't answer, but he was also upset that he hadn't.

"Oh it's you." She said, "I took the day off cause I feel like shit. I think I'm getting a cold. What's up? You don't usually call this early." 

Tony glanced at the clock. It was 5 am here but it was probably like 1 pm in LA.

"Oh, sorry." He said. He hadn't slept since he came back from practice. He didn't think it was Saturday already, "I can call back."

"Nah, it's fine." 

Tony nodded even though she couldn't see him, "So where's Dad?" 

"At work. I think he'll be back in the morning. He took the late shift again." 

"Oh." He sighed. Another wave of relief passed over him. 

"Why? What did you do?" 

"Hah?" The cold feeling came back twice as bad, " What makes you think I did anything?" 

"One, you never call this early. And two, you never just say 'oh' when Dad takes the late shift. So what did you do?"

Tony cursed in his head. His sister was a cop after all. It was her job to detect lies even if they were miles away from each other.

" _ Nothing. _ " 

"Yeah, and I'm a space princess. Just tell me what you did or I'll tell Dad." 

"Oh my God." He muttered, "I'm gonna kick your ass." 

"I'd like to see you try." 

He banged his forehead on the wall, "You're such a pain." 

"You gonna tell me or not?!"

" _ WaIT" _ he said.

"..." 

He left the phone hanging and quickly went to his couch where he buried his face on the seat and let out a muffled scream. Then he got back up and returned to the phone like nothing happened.

Siblings were a bitch.

"Okay, but you have to promise not to tell Dad. I'll be the one to tell him, okay?" 

"...Okay." her voice took a serious tone. 

"It's not that bad so don't get angry." He said, though he was mostly trying to convince himself of that.

"..."

"Well maybe it is, but—"

"Just tell me." She said, "I promise not to tell him.  _ Unless _ you're in danger." 

Tony heavily sighed, "Okay. So remember when I showed you guys that newspaper a few months ago?"

"The one with the ad about some audition?" 

"Yeah." 

"Yeah, what about it—" she gasped loudly, "Oh my God, Seungho, you didn't!" 

"I did." He said meekly. 

" _ Seungho!" _

"Stop yelling—"

"Dad is gonna kill you!" She let out an airy laugh.

"I  _ know _ ! Shut up! Listen!" He yelled, starting to feel embarrassed. 

_ Fuck it just tell her everything. _

"I'm not with Mom. I— I haven't even seen her once since I got here." 

Another gasp, "Seung—"

"I audition like a week after I showed you guys the newspaper and I got accepted the same day. I knew dad was gonna freak out so I didn't tell him. And I didn't tell  _ you _ cause you'd also freak out." 

"Dude—"

"I know it's fucked up. I shouldn't have lied." 

"You shouldn't have lied? Of course you shouldn't have!" She scolded. The laughter was gone. She was angry. 

"You told us you were going to see Mom because you barely remember her and wanted to meet her again even though we  _ both _ dislike her. And Dad let you go because he thought it would be good for you to get some closure even though he preferred that you  _ never _ saw her again! He's going to be really upset! Why didn't you just tell us?!" She yelled.

"...I'm sorry. I was scared he wouldn't let me go if I told him. You know he wouldn't have!" He exclaimed.

"Seungho why didn't you  _ think _ ?! That's no excuse! I love you, but you're so stupid! Come back now before it's too late!" 

"I can't!" 

"What do you mean you can't?!" 

"I'm already in a group." He mumbled.

"What?"

"I have 4 other members a-and they're amazing. They're my friends and I can't just leave them! We just got our name and I know that we're going to debut soon. I can't leave  _ now! _ Not when we're so close to achieving our dream." He babbled, "I signed a contract—"

"You signed a contract?!" She yelled.

"Y-yeah?" 

"When?!" 

"....April." 

" _ April?!"  _

"I'm not stupid. I know it wasn't valid because I was a minor, but I reviewed it again with Mr. Lee when I got here and made it official." He said. 

He really just took the contract and told Mr. Lee that he would get his father's permission. Obviously he didn't ask him because he chickened out last minute and hid it under his bed for two months. When he says he had signed it in April, it was really just him lightly printing his name on the papers with pencil. Tony figured he would get a different one when he turned 18. Which he did when he got here.

He could practically see Jeong-ah running her hands through her hair in frustration. He heard her huffing and taking a sip of something. Probably tea.

"Okay, okay." She said after a while, "I'm not angry. I'm not." 

"Sure you aren't." Tony mumbled.

"Maybe just a little bit." 

Tony smiled softly, "Okay." 

"What's done is done I guess. I can't really order you to come home." She said. 

"Dad probably will." Tony said.

"He will, stupid." 

Tony sighed.

"So can you tell me how they're treating you? Who's Mr. Lee? You mentioned him earlier." She said.

"Mr. Lee is the CEO." 

"Of?"

"SM Entertainment." He said. 

"I've never heard of that company before." Jeong-ah said, "Are you sure they're legit?"

"Yeah they are. They used to be a studio. It's probably why you've never heard of them."

"Okay then. And what about my other question. Are you being treated well? I've worked in cases involving fake agencies that say they'll cast children, but those children end up being terribly hurt." 

"It's  _ not _ a fake agency." He said and then added, "And I'm not a child anymore." 

"Okay then, it's not. I'll believe you in that, but still. Are you being treated well? Do you get fed? Do you have a place to stay? Are they nice to you?"

Tony swallowed. He looked at his arm which was heavily bruised from yesterday. Mr. Yang found Jaewon's bag of chips and Tony took the blame which ended up with a beating. It hurt worse than when Mr. Jung kicked him. He then touched his lip which had a scar on it after he got slapped by Mr. Jung. His wedding ring got caught in his lip causing him to bleed a lot.

"Yeah they're really nice. I get food everyday and I have a nice bed and I learn a lot from them. It's been fun so far." He lied. Tony felt nauseous just saying those words.

"...Okay. I believe you then."

"Y-yeah." 

"When are you gonna tell Dad?" 

He slumped, "I don't know." His eyes gazed at the ugly popcorn ceiling and traced shapes. If he strained his ears, he could hear cars driving by. The city was beginning to wake up.

"Seungho, I promised I'll keep this a secret. But you have to promise me that you'll tell him soon. He's old and you know he loves you. So please don't let this lie go any further." 

Tony nodded, "Okay. I promise." 

"So tell me about your group. What are you guys called?" 

"H.O.T." he said. 

"H.O.T.?" She said, "It actually sounds cool. What does it stand for?" 

Tony began to giggle, "High-Five of Teenager." 

He heard her gasp, "That's so cute!" 

"Bro—"

"That's actually really cute, Seungho. Oh my god." Jeong-ah squealed. 

"It doesn't even make sense."

"I know it doesn't, but it's still cute. I'm sure people will love it." 

"My members love it to be honest." He said. 

"What are they like?" 

"Well…"

"Are they hot?"

He facepalmed, "Okay, one, they're  _ way _ too young for you and two, change of topic please." His face burned. 

"Why?" She whined. 

"Why do you even want to know?" He asked.

"I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that my little brother is going to be a singer. At least you can tell me about them." 

"Uughhh okay so there's—" 

" _ You have 5 minutes remaining."  _ An automated voice interrupted.

"Ah shit, Jeong-ah, I only have 5 minutes left." He said. He tried to sound disappointed, but he was glad that he was interrupted. He had no idea how he was going to describe his friends to her. 

"Already?" 

"Yeah, I've been trying to save minutes in the cards. This is my last one." 

"Oh, well that's okay. I have to go to sleep soon anyways, I took some NyQuil. It's just kicking in." She said with a yawn. 

Tony yawned as well, "Okay, I'll call again when I buy new ones."

"Yeah okay. Good night. Or morning. I don't know what time it is there." She said, "And don't forget your promise!" 

"Yeah yeah. Bye." 

Tony hung up and sighed. He didn't know if it was luck that his sister answered, but he just saved himself from talking to his dad for at least another day. 

He bent down and grabbed his bowl of noodles and brought it to the kitchen where he ate it while watching the sun rise through the small window. 

Euijun was going to be pissed when he finds out, but honestly Tony isn't regretting his decision as much as he should. He did in the beginning, but not so much anymore. Tony's wanted this his whole life, but he's never really said anything about it. Euijun and Jeong-ah hardly even knew he could sing and they thought the dance group he had with his friends during highschool was  _ just _ for school. Even though it kind of was, Tony used it as a chance to  _ learn _ how to dance.

As mentioned before, his father didn't like the idea of Tony being a singer. He received a lecture about how impossible and difficult that job was and that there was no way that Tony could be successful despite knowing how much of a hard worker he is.

_ "There is too much competition and it's  _ ** _dangerous_ ** .  _ Don't you see those rappers and artists getting shot up on the block? Do you want to join them?!" _ Tony recalled his father saying.

However when Tony insisted, Euijun did give in a little and told him that maybe he could allow it if he didn't leave LA. As soon as he found out that Tony would have to go back to Korea, he told him no and to never bring it up again. They left Korea for a better life and he didn't want Tony going back and leaving everything they've worked so hard for behind.

But Tony really  _ really  _ wanted this. So if he had to lie to Euijun to achieve his dream then so be it. He was determined to do well and get his father's approval.

He swallowed the last of his noodles and placed the bowl in the sink along with the many other dishes that he hasn't washed. He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and downed the entire thing. 

He hasn't slept, but he wasn't sleepy at all. Maybe he'd go to Kangta's park again and chill for a while until he got sleepy. 

Tony looked over the sticky notes he had on the fridge and squinted. He really needed to start wearing his glasses more often.

Woohyuk's phone number was written down in messy handwriting. He'd given it to him while they were at Kangta's house and told him to call him if he needed help practicing or just wanted to talk and hang out. He hasn't had the chance yet though.

_ Maybe he's awake too. He told me he wakes up early sometimes. We can go to the park together. _

He set the water bottle down and grabbed the sticky note. He went back to the phone and dialed Woohyuks number. 

While he was waiting for Woohyuk to pick up, he was looking over the number. Tony frowned. It looked very similar to his. Like an extension of his own. 

"Hello?" A sleepy voice answered, "If this is Cho, fuck off. It's Saturday." 

Tony giggled, "I'm not Mr. Cho." Mr. Cho was Woohyuks manager.

"Oh! Tony!" He sounded more awake, "What's up? You woke me up."

"Sorry."

"Nah it's alright, my alarm was gonna go off anyway. Do— do you need anything?" He asked.

"Oh I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out today? We can go to the park again or anywhere you want?" He said.

He heard some movement and then the sound of a TV turning on. For a moment he was jealous that Woohyuk had a tv.

"Yeah of course. Just let me just shower and eat some breakfast." Woohyuk said. 

"Great! Where do you wanna meet up?" He asked. 

"I can pick you up. Where do you live? I'll write the address down." 

"I live in the dorms." 

"Which one?" 

"Uuhhh, the one across." He said. 

There was silence. Tony thought that maybe he was writing it down, but he didn't hear any scribbles.

"You're kidding me right?" Woohyuk then said with a serious tone.

Tony furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "What?"

"You're telling me you live in the dorms across from SM? The one with a dead garden in the back?" Woohyuk asked. His voice was getting louder with each word.

"Yeah? Why?" 

"Are you shitting me?!" 

"Okay, what? I'm confused." 

" _ Tony _ !" 

"WhAt?!"

"I live there  _ too _ !" 

Tony froze. A smile slowly formed in his face as Woohyuks words sunk in.

"What?! Really?!" Tony exclaimed.

"Yeah!" 

"Oh my God!" Tony laughed, "What the fuck?!"

"I know right! I can't believe we've been living in the same building and we didn't know!" Woohyuk was laughing as well. The sleep was completely wiped out of his voice. 

"What floor are you on?" Tony asked.

"6th and you?"

"4th." 

"Holy shit." 

Tony couldn't stop smiling. His cheeks were hurting. He couldn't believe it, but it did make sense that they never realized they lived in the same building. Woohyuk always stays behind after practice so Tony never got a chance to find out. Maybe he should start staying behind with him and they could walk home together instead of walking alone in the creepy dark. 

"What number are you in?" Tony asked. 

"8. And you?"

"10." Tony said.

He heard him scribbling something this time, "Okay, I'll come in an hour or so."

"Cool, I'm gonna take a shower too. See you later." He said.

"Okay bye, Tony."

Tony smiled again, "Bye, Woohyuk."

  
  


  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyones doing well during this pandemic  
I'm sorry if there's any mistakes


	7. orange chicken

August 10, 1996

  
  


Saturday was a busy day. There were so many cars on the road that it reminded Tony of LA traffic. The only thing that was missing was the occasional swearing between drivers.

On his side, he could spot many other teenagers and young adults walking about. Some with multiple plastic bags in their hands and others with food. They chattered endlessly to make up for the lack of contact during the busy week.

It was cloudy and there was a slight breeze, but it was still hot. He felt like this summer was taking its sweet time and he couldn't wait until fall began. He doesn't like the cold, but in all honesty it's way better than feeling like he was having a heat stroke every time he stepped out of the dorms. 

However, despite the heat, he was enjoying himself. 

"Hey, how about this?" 

Tony blinked and brought his attention back to Woohyuk, who was pointing at a window. He looked at the sign above. 

' _ Lovely Bakery' _ , it read in cute, pink letters. 

He then followed Woohyuk's finger to the dozens of sweet breads and cakes sitting behind the large glass window. They looked absolutely delicious. He hasn't had cake since his birthday and the chocolate one in the corner was calling his name. 

He looked over at the triangle shaped polvoron next to the cake and licked his lips. The three colors looked appetizing and Tony really wanted to sink his teeth into the soft and crunchy treat.

Tony looked down at the price tag that was stuck to the plate and sighed, "I don't think I can afford that." his shoulders sagged.

_ 10 dollars for  _ ** _one_ ** _ polvoron? What a rip off. _

Woohyuk lowered his arm, "Lee gave you that stupid rule too, huh?"

Tony nodded, glaring at the polvoron.

"Kangta told me that all you eat is ramen." 

Tony chuckled, "You guys talk about me now?" 

Woohyuk turned red, "No. It's just something he happened to mention."

"Because you were talking about me?" Tony teased, leaning towards Woohyuk. 

"No, fuck off." Woohyuk playfully pushed him away, making Tony laugh. 

"Okay, whatever you say dude." Holding his hands out in a 'surrender' position.

"Shut up. Let's go to the mall over there." Woohyuk pointed at the mall that was on the other side of the road. There were so many cars in the parking lot and lots of people going inside.

Tony started walking towards the crosswalk, but was stopped by an impatient Woohyuk grabbing his arm.

"I thought you wanted to go to the mall?" He said.

Woohyuk pouted, "The crosswalk is far. Let's jaywalk."

"What?!" Tony exclaimed, "Are you crazy?! There's so many cars! We're gonna get run over!"

"Just follow me." 

He sighed and followed Woohyuk who was already at the edge of the sidewalk and looking out for any cars.

Luckily, there weren't any cars on this side of the road yet. They were all stuck behind a red light that was bound to turn green any second now.

"Come on." Woohyuk said. 

They hurried across and stopped in the middle and waited for a bit. The stoplight turned green on the other side and so many cars began to speed past them. Tony held onto Woohyuks arm as they waited for an opportunity to cross.

"We should've waited at the crosswalk!" Tony shouted. His voice could barely be heard over the hundreds of cars zooming by. 

"Huh?!" 

"I said—!" 

A truck beeped at them, making Tony hold onto Woohyuk tighter, "I said we should've waited at the crosswalk!" 

"I can't hear you!" 

"What?!" Tony became a little frustrated and gave Woohyuk a look to which the other responded with a smile. 

_ He's teasing me, he could actually hear me. How mean. _

"Behind the red one, Tony." Woohyuk called, "3, 2, 1...go!" 

As soon as the red one drove past them, they  _ ran _ . Tony held his breath until they reached the sidewalk. 

He had barely planted his feet on the sidewalk when a white car sped by on the spot where he had just been a second ago. He let out a small screech, realizing that he could've been run over if he had been a second too late.

"Watch out, dumbass!" The driver called. 

Woohyuk flicked him off and called him a loser. He pried Tony's hands off of him and pulled him towards the parking lot.

"That was scary." Tony said.

"Oh, it was scary?" Woohyuk asked, "I won't make you do it again." 

"No it's fine, it was kind of fun." 

Woohyuk ran a hand through his hair. Red tinted his cheeks. "Come on."

After a few seconds of walking, Tony remembered something. 

"You totally heard me over there." He said.

"That was revenge."

"For what?"

"For teasing me at the bakery." 

He opened his mouth, but closed it right away and nodded.  _ I guess I did deserve that. _

They walked towards the entrance where a lady handed them a flyer and quickly briefed them about some deals. 

Tony looked over the flyer, not interested in what she was saying, but he didn't want to be rude. 

He stared at a picture of shirts that were apparently 50% off today only and held in a laugh. Even with that much of a discount, they were still expensive. 

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the cool air that was flowing out of the open door. He really wanted to lay on one of the benches that he spotted inside the mall and just bask in the cool air from the air conditioner. They've been outside way too long. 

They went inside as soon as the lady was finished talking. He suddenly heard her talking again and turned around to respond only to realize that she was talking to a new group of people.

_ Okay I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen. _

Tony placed his hand on his forehead and gently pulled his bangs back. 

"What are you doing?" Woohyuk asked. 

"Cooling myself down." He said, leaning his head back. There was a huge air vent right above him that was blasting cold air. He grabbed his shirt and shook it a bit to allow the air inside.

"Okay then." Woohyuk said, "I'll do that too." 

Tony let out a small amused wheeze at that, "Okay." 

He watched Woohyuk just stand stiffly under the air vent like a mannequin. His hair was going in all directions and his shirt flopped around like crazy. 

In conclusion, he looked ridiculous.

"Let's go somewhere before you start levitating." Tony said, eyeing the air vent.

Woohyuk seemed to jump back to life at that, "Oh! Let's go there!" 

He led him into an electronics store that was playing the latest hit songs. There were rows and rows of televisions, sound systems and pretty much anything that is technology.

Tony followed Woohyuk into the back where the games were.

"You seem to know this place well." He said.

Woohyuk shrugged, "I mean, I guess. I used to go here a lot when I moved here just to stare at the games. It gave me something to do." 

"Oh." Tony picked up a Nintendo game and looked at it intensely, "Why'd you stop?" He placed it back into its spot and rummaged through more games. He didn't recognize most of them since he never owned a console himself, but he has played a few times at his friends house in LA.

"I didn't have anyone to go with." Woohyuk rubbed the back of his neck, "I feel like I look like a loser going to the mall alone. I mean, I used to go with Heejun sometimes, but he has some stuff going on at home so he can't join me anymore." 

Tony nodded. He knew he wouldn't be able to go alone to a place like this mall too. There's too many people and that means too many eyes judging you and feeling sorry for you and who wants that? 

_ And wait… what? _

"What's wrong with Heejun?" He asked, "Is he alright?"

Woohyuk sighed, "He didn't tell me much, but he says that he's having issues with his dad. He says he's okay, but I don't know man. It's really hard to tell with Heejun. You know how he is." 

Tony frowned. Heejun was almost always energetic and happy when they met up; always making jokes and trying to make them laugh. He didn't think a guy like him would have hard times outside of SM. He wouldn't have known that he wasn't doing too good if Woohyuk hadn't told him. 

He made a mental note to look after him more and ask how he was doing the next time he saw him

"I'm sure he'll tell us more when he feels like talking." Woohyuk said, "Don't worry."

If Woohyuk told him not to worry, then of course he was going to worry. He cared about Heejun and didn't want anything to happen to him.

"Okay." He replied awkwardly.

"Yeah." Woohyuk said, equally as awkward. He picked up a game and pretended to read the description. 

Tony wanted the ground to swallow him whole.  _ I just killed the conversation. This sucks ass. _

He looked around the store, trying to find something to distract himself with and his eyes landed on the game consoles. 

"Hey, look at those." He said. 

Woohyuk looked over and perked up. He quickly walked over them, looking ecstatic.

"I'm gonna buy this one day." Woohyuk said, pointing at one of the consoles, "People say it's really good." 

Tony looked at the price and whistled, "That's more than I make in a month." 

"You have a job?" 

"Had." Tony said,"I used to work part time at a small photography business after school. It didn't pay much, but I did save up to buy myself a shitty old car." 

"Wow that's cool." Woohyuk said, "So, you're like a professional photographer or something?" 

Tony shook his head and fiddled with the lock on the glass that served as a protector for the console, "People stood in front of a camera and I just clicked the button. I sometimes edited them." 

"Oh. That's cool, too." 

"What about you? Do you have a job?" 

Woohyuk shook his head, "Not really. I mean I've done odd jobs here and there, but nothing really permanent. My parents didn't let me get one." 

"Why not?" 

"They wanted me to focus on school. I almost didn't get to sign with SM because of that too." 

Ton cocked his head, "Really?" He tried to imagine what their group would look like without Woohyuk. And it didn't look right in his head. His presence was too big and necessary for their group.

"Yeah, my counselor had to talk them into letting me go." He said, "I'm not from this city, so it was extra hard to convince them to let me go. I haven't seen my parents in a while." 

Tony sighed. And he thought he had it bad. Woohyuk has been apart from his parents longer than Tony has. He must feel like shit. Especially with how they're being treated. 

"I feel you." He said. 

"Your parents had a hard time letting you go too?" 

"Uhh, not exactly." 

"Oh?" 

Tony suddenly felt embarrassed over his situation and shook his head, "Let's talk about something else." 

Woohyuk nodded, "Okay." 

He led him to the TV section where they watched a clip of a movie played on each screen over and over. 

Woohyuk was playing with one of the sample remotes that were on display; fiddling with the buttons and opening the battery compartment.

"I don't even have one." Tony said after watching Arnold Schwarzenegger take off his skin to reveal a robotic eye for the 10th time.

"A TV or a remote?"

"TV."

"Why not? My dorm came with one." Woohyuk said. 

Tony frowned, "I don't know. I never got one. It's fine though, I have my walkman to entertain me." 

"Just your walkman?"

"..."

"..."

"I sometimes sit there and stare at nothing." He said like it was a big achievement.

Woohyuk stared at him for a few seconds and said, "You can come over if you want. We can watch some movies or whatever. It'll be fun." 

"Sure, I'd like that." Tony said. 

They browsed through the store for a while more, mostly telling each other stories about themselves rather than focusing on the items on display. 

The place was pretty empty for an electronics store. It was just the two of them plus a couple of other teenagers that were hovering over the music section. They were loud and singing to whatever song was being played in those large headphones.

Tony was about to reach for a pair of headphones himself when he was stopped by a guy in a not so good mood.

"Are you two gonna buy something or not?" The guy said. He had a tag that said  _ manager _ in bold letters neatly pinned onto his blue shirt. He looked annoyed and had clearly been watching them in case they robbed something. 

"Sorry." Tony said, "We were just looking." 

"We weren't gonna rob shit." Woohyuk said, "Calm down." 

His tone surprised Tony. It was like the energy he just had a few seconds ago was gone and replaced by an emotionless person.

Of course he's seen Woohyuk do that a couple of times, but it always fascinated him every time. 

Before the manager could say anything back, Tony grabbed Woohyuk and pulled him behind him, "We're leaving, sorry."

He led Woohyuk out of the store and sat him on one of the empty benches. 

"How do you do that?" Tony asked.

"Do what?" He said moodily.

"That?" Tony pointed at the store where they just came from, "How do you just go from happy to emotionless? Can you teach me?"

Woohyuk chuckled, "That's just how I am. If I don't know someone I become withdrawn and my resting bitch face comes out. I don't think it's teachable. Besides, he sounded like he was accusing us of robbery. What a dick."

"Oh." Tony said. 

Woohyuk smiled at him and then immediately went emotionless. 

Tony gasped, "Bro, hoW?!" 

Woohyuk just shrugged and stood up, "Let's go somewhere else, before he sees that we're still out here and calls the cops."

"Wooh—ah okay" He hurried after him.

.

.

. 

.

"Jesus Christ that smells good." Tony said. 

"I know right."

The food court was packed with people. There was an endless line for McDonald's and the tables were nearly full. But Tony could care less about that when the delicious smell of Chinese food was right there, making his nose feel like he was in heaven. 

His stomach growled, "I really wish I could buy some. Those veggie rolls look so good."

"Look at those noodles." Woohyuk said, "I don't even remember what they taste like." 

"Me too." He replied. 

Tony took a step back to allow a family of 4 to enter the food court. When he went back to his spot, Woohyuk was already in the process of opening his wallet.

Tony panicked, "Woohyuk! What are you doing?!"

Woohyuk shrugged, "You're hungry." 

He grabbed the wallet and shoved it back in Woohyuks pants, "They'll find out you used it!" 

They were probably making a scene. Adults gave them odd looks as they walked by the two teenagers arguing in the middle of the food court. 

"I don't give a fuck if they find out." Woohyuk said. 

"But—"

"You're hungry and that's all that matters." He said. 

Tony bit his lip in worry as Woohyuk pulled his wallet out again.

"Besides, I'm hungry too." Woohyuk added, "What more can they do to us? Getting beat and yelled at is worth it if I can finally have a large meal again." 

His stomach growled again. Tony rested his hand on it gently, letting Woohyuks words sink in. He was right. What _more _could they do to them that they hadn't done before? Tony couldn't remember the last time he had a decent meal. It was just ramen everyday. He couldn't even remember what real chicken tasted like. 

He swallowed hard and looked up at Woohyuk.

"I'm… I'm really hungry, Tony." Woohyuk said, looking at the menu longingly. 

Tony gave in at that, "Okay….okay." He couldn't say no to that. Woohyuk had suddenly looked so tired and sad that it was impossible to say no. 

"Go pick a table, I'll buy the food." Woohyuk said, "What do you want?"

"Uhhh…"

"It doesn't matter if it's expensive, just choose. I can tell you're dying to eat whatever it is you want."

He sighed, "Fried rice and veggies rolls? And some teriyaki chicken?" 

Woohyuk nodded, "Right away, sir." 

Tony let out an airy laugh at that, "Okay, Mr. Waiter." 

He left Woohyuk at the line and began to look for a table. Which was kind of hard to do when it was practically full. 

He walked around the court slowly, trying not to bump into small children and elderly folk. He had a close call with a mom holding a tray of burgers. He would've felt like shit if he accidentally bumped into her and destroyed those burgers.  _ Which smelled really good by the way, why didn't we get McDonald's? _

Tony finally found a table for two in the middle of the court and quickly sat down before someone else took it. He locked his feet around the legs of the chair in front of him in case someone decided to be sneaky and steal Woohyuk's chair. He then waved his arms in Woohyuks direction so he could see where he was. 

Woohyuk gave him a nod and turned his back to him. There were only two people in front of him now.

While he waited for him, Tony mouthed the words to  _ As Much as I Loved You _ , which was one of the songs that got the green light to be included in their debut album. They'd just finished recording it the other day and Tony was really into it. 

Mr. Lee caught them singing it in acapella during one of their breaks and suggested they sing it like that live when they're promoting. 

So he'd been practicing his part since then. It actually surprised him that they sounded good enough for acapella. 

Tony leaned back and stared at the ceiling. He squinted at the bright lights above him and sat back up. He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. He didn't put them back on though and just set them on the table. 

A child at the table next to him was screaming his head off because he wanted more fries. Tony grimaced as his cries changed into higher pitches. The mother gave Tony an apologetic smile.

_ Why do I always get the seat next to weird kids? First at the airplane and now here? I have bad luck. _

He rested his cheek on his hand and watched as the blurry figure of Woohyuk grabbed the bag from the cashier.

Woohyuk practically speeded towards him right after he got his receipt. 

_ He must be really hungry. _

"They gave me a discount for being the 200th customer of the day!" Woohyuk said as soon as he reached the table.

"Oh shit, really?" Tony grabbed his box and coke.

"Yeah." He said, "I paid 10 instead of 15. Wild."

"You got good luck. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket. What if you win a million dollars"

"I don't wanna jinx it." Woohyuk said, opening his box to reveal noodles and a ton of orange chicken. He grabbed his chopsticks and dug in.

Tony opened his box. His mouth instantly watered as soon as his eyes landed on his food. 

_ I think I'm gonna cry. _

Woohyuk let out a satisfied sound with each bite of his noodles and orange chicken.

"I am  _ never _ gonna take Chinese food for granted again." He said, stuffing himself with more chicken. 

Tony nodded in agreement, taking huge bites out of veggie rolls.

The hunger pains that had been a constant occurrence since he got here were fading. He suddenly felt grateful to Woohyuk for insisting they ate. 

"My dad used to be a chef." He randomly said. 

"Oh really?" Woohyuk gulped his coke down. 

"Yeah, it would be cool if we could all try his cooking together." 

They ate in a comfortable silence, occasionally whispering to each other how good the food was. 

Tony drank his coke and looked around. There were many people around his age here. A few tables down there was a group of three, absolutely destroying their hamburgers. He watched them pull out a disposable camera and snap pictures of each other. He caught the word "graduation" slipping from their mouths many times. 

He turned to the left where he was surprised to see a group of foreigners eating Korean food. One was struggling to use her chopsticks while another was trying to teach her the correct way to hold them. He smiled softly, suddenly missing his friends in LA. 

Tony wondered how they were doing and when he would be able to hang out and play basketball with them again. He didn't get the chance to say a proper goodbye to them. 

He then concentrated on the person in front of him. He hasn't had a chance to take a good look at him in a while. 

Woohyuks hair was getting longer. He sometimes had a hair tie holding his bangs away from his eyes or it was hung loose just like it was now. It framed his face nicely, he thought. His eyes moved to his cheeks that were moving along with the speed of his munching. 

Woohyuk was thin. But he wasn't  _ thin thin. _ He had muscle on him. 

Tony looked at his arms with a bit of jealousy. It wasn't like Woohyuk was buff or anything, he just had nicely toned arms that Tony wished he had. 

"See something you like?" Woohyuk teased, swallowing the last of his chicken. He wagged his eyebrows at him.

Tony huffed, "You wish." He drank more of his soda and looked away. 

"Stop doing that. You look creepy." he said when Woohyuk continued to wag his eyebrows.

Eating that much food after a long time made them feel tired, so after finishing their meal, they rested for a while at one of the benches before exploring the mall again. They mostly browsed through the stores they went to since they couldn't really buy anything unless it was something they really wanted. Like right now. 

Woohyuk was practically radiating happiness as he watched the cashier place his new shoes in a bag. They were pretty expensive, but Woohyuk had said,  _ 'I'd be happy to die by Cho's hand if it meant I got to own these shoes' _ and Tony just gave up on stopping him. Besides, he looked really happy.

"I haven't seen you around here." The cashier, who was an old lady, said to him. 

"He's new." Woohyuk said. 

"Not really." Tony said, "But yeah, I'm new." 

"Where are you from?" She asked. She slowly punched in some numbers into the cash register. 

Tony's right eye twitched, "The US."

She stopped whatever she was doing and gasped excitedly, "Oh! The states! Can you say something in English?!"

_ Lord, give me the strength to not jump off this floor right now. _

"Yeah, uh... _ Hello, how are you?" _ He said stiffly.

She clapped, "Wow, you really are from the states!" 

"Yeah….haha, that's— that's what I just said." He flashed her a fake smile. 

Woohyuk must've noticed his mood change because he rapidly began to talk to her just before she could say anything else. 

Tony tuned them out and tried to calm himself down. He doesn't get angry easily at all, but people asking him to say something in English was really,  _ really _ starting to get on his last nerve. 

_ What's so fascinating about English anyway? It's the most basic ass language in the world. Now, if I spoke something like Latin then I would understand.  _ He sighed.  _ It is a dead language, though. Or so people say. _

"We're gonna be singers." Woohyuk said, bringing him out of his thoughts, which were honestly going nowhere.

Tony gasped, " _ Woohyuk."  _ He whispered. 

The cashier smiled. Her wrinkles became more pronounced, "Well that sounds absolutely wonderful." The old lady turned around and grabbed two small plastic microphones that were hanging behind her amongst other small objects.

"Here, I'll give these to you for free." She said, holding them out for them to see. 

"Thank you." Woohyuk said, eyeing the objects suspiciously.

"They're pins." She said, "Come here." 

She gently pulled Tony behind the counter and grabbed one of the pins. She then pinned it onto his tank top and fixed it up, "There." She said before motioning for Woohyuk to come over as well. Tony watched her place the pin on his shirt, liking how the fake gold contrasted with his black shirt. 

"They're good luck charms." She said, "I can't wait to hear your music."

"Thank you, Ms….?"

"Oh, call me Ms. Seonghee. My last name is too boring." 

Woohyuk and Tony bowed, "Thank you, Ms. Seonghee."

Tony suddenly felt guilty for getting angry earlier.  _ She even gave you this pin for free and all you did was get mad. _

"And what are your names?" 

"I'm Tony and he's Woohyuk, ma'am."

"Well," she said, grabbing a notebook and pulling out one of the pages, "Can you do me the honors of being the first to have your autographs?"

Tony froze, "Huh?" 

She grabbed a pen and scribbled on the page to check if it worked, "I'd like to have your autographs." 

"Yeah...Yeah! Of course!" He said.

Tony grabbed the pen from her, a surge of excitement swelled within him.  _ Is this how it feels like? _

He signed his name just like how he's practiced hundreds of times before. He looked at it after he was finished and decided to add a '#1' right under it to indicate that it was his first autograph. He nodded in satisfaction and handed the pen to Woohyuk who quickly scribbled his own signature. He handed it to her when he was done.

"Thank you so much, boys." She said. She taped the paper on the wall behind her.

"No. Thank  _ you. _ " Woohyuk said. 

"Why is that?" She asked. 

"For believing in us. Even if we're complete nobodies." 

.

.

.

.

"So I'm completely broke now." Woohyuk said. 

Tony eyed Woohyuk's new shoes, "You think?" 

"You're also broke." He said. 

"I have a few bucks left." Tony said, hugging his bag full of new clothes.

They practically spent the rest of the day at the mall. His fear of spending money had disappeared during that time so he bought himself a couple of new shirts and pants. He wanted to wear something that hadn't been used before. 

"You want a dollar?" Tony asked. 

"No, thanks." He replied. 

Tony pulled his wallet out, "Here take it. As a thank you for the food." 

Woohyuk pushed his hands away, "No, no. Keep it. You don't owe me anything." 

He frowned, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." 

Tony hesitantly put his wallet back in his pocket. 

"Besides, " Woohyuk started, "I know where you live now. I can sneak in and raid your fridge and cabinets."

"And steal all my precious ramen?" Tony gasped dramatically, "Oh~ the horror!"

Woohyuk cheeks reddened. 

"Are you okay? Your face has gotten red a couple of times today." Tony said.

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine." He said, "It's the— it's the heat. Yeah, that's what it is."

"Oh. We should hurry up then and get out of this heat. We're nearly home." Tony said, "See? There's the entrance and—

"Hey, isn't that Heejun?" Woohyuk interrupted.

"Huh?" He looked closer and saw a gizmo on his knees against the entrance to their dorm. His hands were together in a praying position. 

As they walked closer to the entrance, they began to hear voices.

"— I don't think trying to use divine powers is gonna teleport them to us." He heard a voice that was definitely Kangta's say.

"At least I'm tryING!" Heejun exclaimed. "You're just sitting there!"

As they got even closer, they spotted Jaewon leaning against one of the pillars, a corn on the cob in one hand, already half eaten. Kangta was on Heejuns far right, also on his knees. 

Woohyuk let out a snort, "What the fuck are you guys doing?" 

The three of them looked up, their eyes wide and jaws open. They looked like that just got caught stealing.

Tony backed up a bit, "Okay then."

"I-It's not what you think!" Heejun said, "We weren't trying to break in!" 

"Shhhh!" Kangta hissed, covering Heejun's mouth with his hand. 

"..."

"..."

"So why were you guys trying to break in?" Tony asked.

Jaewon gasped, "Tony! Woohyuk!" 

"Yeah?" Woohyuk and Tony said in unison.

"You're  _ not _ going to believe this!" 

They shared a glance, suddenly feeling nervous.

"But can you please open the door and let us in?!" Heejun exclaimed, "I'm melting!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking too long, I had writing block :(


	8. pajamas

August 10, 1996

Woohyuk POV  
  
  


Woohyuks place was more or less cozier than any other dorm in the building.

The walls were a faded mint green and there were some faint scratches where the paint seemed to have been peeled off. 

The kitchen was small, but with the necessary appliances. There was a calendar on the fridge with lots of scribbles and events planned out. A bag of bread was on the counter that had been messily tied closed and a toaster was behind it, still connected to the socket with a few crumbs scattered around it. 

There was a medium sized photo hanging on the wall in the living room that had a picture of Woohyuk and a couple of other people. Other photos surrounded it, seemingly from a disposable camera. Underneath it, stood a desk with a textbook resting on it. A lamp hovered over them. The lightbulb was missing. A wooden chair stood in front of it at a 45° angle to the left with his tattered backpack hanging on the back of it. 

There was a singular couch in the middle, facing the television that stood upon old books in the corner. The antenna above it looked old and the antennas themselves were bent at an awkward angle. 

In between the couch and the TV, was a coffee table with nothing but a journal and a remote. There were bread crumbs on it though, remnants of Woohyuks breakfast. 

It was here where Woohyuk sat with Tony and the three intruders.

"Do you have any water?" A red faced Heejun asked. 

Woohyuk sighed and stood up. He opened his fridge and threw him a water bottle, "Here. You look like you're about to pass out." 

"I was under the sun for almost an hour waiting for one of you to open the door. I think anyone would look like they're dying." Heejun said. He drank the water in one go, not even taking breaths in between. 

"Where's your trash can?" Jaewon asks, holding out what used to be corn in his hand. 

Woohyuk points to the trash can. Jaewon dunks the corn. The corn smacked the wall before bouncing into the trash can.

"You got any snacks?" Kangta asks, "Preferably chips?"

Woohyuk sighs, "In the cupboard on the right." 

Kangta cheers to himself and snoops through Woohyuks kitchen. 

"So now that you guys have pretty much invaded my dorm, can you tell me what's going on already?" He says, rubbing his face tiredly. He sat back down on the floor in between Tony and Heejun.

"Oh! Yeah." Jaewon said, "So what we wanted to tell you guys is that SM is moving buildings. We're getting a new dance room, studio and all that jazz. Even new dorms." 

Tony gasped, "No way." 

"Yep."

"Are you serious?" Woohyuk asked. 

"Yeah, Kangta told us." 

"And then we tried calling you guys, but none of you answered so that's why we came over." Heejun said. 

Tony frowned, "So how does Kangta know?"

"I had to finish recording a few lines for _About Women_." Kangta said, "I heard them talking about it when I was done. Supposedly the move is happening in a week or two. They're just doing some final touches, signing contracts and all that crap." Kangta opened his Cheetos and munched on them. He sat back down next to Jaewon.

Woohyuk raised his eyebrows, "Well, thank fucking God. It's about time." He said, "The dorms better be _way_ better than this shit hole."

"Oh yeah, that popcorn ceiling has got to go." Heejun said, pointing at the ceiling, "If your new dorm doesn't have a smooth ceiling, then you should sue." 

"I would've done that sooner if I had the money. I swear the ceiling is poisoning me somehow." 

"You wasted all your money on those shoes." Heejun said, "And your dorm probably has asbestos. It's old as shit."

"That's different. The shoes are important." He replied. 

"More important than your asbestos infested dorm?"

"Asbestos?" Tony said. One of his eyebrows was curved upward, showing that he was slightly worried. 

"Ignore him." Woohyuk said, "Heejun is being stupid."

"But what if it's really asbestos?" Tony said, "I heard that it can kill you." 

Woohyuk thought for a moment and stared at the damned ceiling. It was really ugly.

_Oh shit, what if it is. _

He squinted. There was a thin crack coming from the ceiling fan that led straight to his door. 

_Well if the asbestos won't kill me, the ceiling caving in probably will._

"Okay, maybe it is asbestos." He said suspiciously. 

"Oh, so you listen to Tony but not me." Heejun said, "I see how it is." He pretended to be sad about it. 

Woohyuk launched one of the pillows on the couch at him, "Shut up."

He caught the pillow with his face.

Tony yawned loudly, stretching his arms above his head, "I'm beat."

"It's barely 4:30, though." Kangta said.

"I didn't sleep all night."

Woohyuk frowned, "Why?" 

Now that it was brought up, Tony did look like he was gonna drop any second now. 

"I just couldn't." He said. A strange look passed over his face before it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. 

"You wanna sleep?" He pointed his thumb at his room, "You can take my bed." 

Jaewon hid his mouth behind his hand and observed them quietly. 

Tony shook his head, "I can't sleep in jeans. I'll sleep in my dorm." 

"I have some extra pajamas. You can take them."

Tony blinked tiredly as if he was trying to process the words coming out of his mouth, "Really?" He said, "I don't wanna be a bother." 

"No, it's fine. Go ahead. They're in my closet. The green ones." Woohyuk said. 

"Thanks." Tony practically crawled into his room and disappeared momentarily. 

While they were waiting for him to finish changing, Jaewon raised his eyebrow. 

"You're so obvious." He said. 

Kangta snickered, but then stopped when he choked on a Cheeto. Heejun began pounding his back with his hand until the Cheeto was coughed out and flew across the room, hitting a wall and leaving a stain behind. 

"What are you talking about?" Woohyuk said after he was sure that Kangta wasn't dying anymore.

Jaewon shrugged, "I don't know you tell me." 

He knew what he was talking about, but he wasn't about to admit it out loud. Especially in front of Heejun. He was lucky he was distracted with Kangta right now, otherwise he would've started asking questions.

He chose to ignore Jaewon and snatched the bag of chips out of Kangta's hands before he could choke again.

"Hey!" 

"That's enough chips." He said. He looked inside the bag and gasped, "You ate more than half!" 

"What can I say, they were good." Kangta sucked on his Cheeto powdered fingers. 

Woohyuk sighed and placed the bag on the couch. He'll put it away later. 

The door to his bedroom creaked open, causing the four of them to look in the direction of the sound. 

Tony popped his head out. 

"I thought you were going to sleep." Heejun said. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, switching the channels until he found MTV.

"Yeah, but I just wanted to hang out with you guys a bit more." Tony said. 

Woohyuk thought his pajamas looked nice on Tony.

"Okay, just go to bed when you start feeling really sleepy." Heejun replied, "You don't wanna fall asleep on the floor. Your back is gonna hurt."

Tony nodded and went back to his spot between Woohyuk and Kangta.

"You sound like a dad." Kangta jokes.

Heejun stuck his tongue out, "It's okay, you can call me daddy." 

"In your dreams."

They watched MTV for a while, vibing to the various music videos that were shown. 

Woohyuk watched Tony in a not so discreet way. Tony didn't notice because he was Tony, but the others probably did. 

He had a sudden urge to touch his ears. They were so big and they stuck out far just like… _like a monkey_. Heejun had mentioned that Tony reminded him of a monkey sometimes and he didn't see it until now. 

He held in a laugh and bit his lip. He reached out to tug on Tony's ear, but then stopped himself midway.

_That's not creepy, is it?_

Woohyuk shrugged to himself. _Fuck it. _

He grabbed Tony's ear and wiggled it a bit. It was soft.

Tony flinched and pulled away from Woohyuk. He gave him a weird look, "What was that for?!"

"I don't know." He said, "I just like your ears." 

Tony covered his ears with his hands, "Okay?" 

This was enough to distract the rest from the television and Jaewon turned around to face them. His expression was innocent, but Woohyuk knew better. 

"Oh yeah, Tony." Jaewon said, "Are you gonna tell us all about your, _you know_, or..." 

Kangta gasped and nodded at Tony. 

"My what?" Tony said. 

Jaewon eyed Woohyuk, "You know, your…" he coughed. 

"What." Heejun said.

"Look, I'm dumb. You're gonna have to spell it out for me." Tony said. 

"Your _date_, Tony!" Kangta exclaimed, "Your date!!"

"My what?!" He said, "I didn't go on a date what are you—"

_Date_? Woohyuk thought to himself.

"Oh I _see_ what's going on!" Heejun said loudly. He reached over Woohyuk, his hand grabbing Tony's arm.

Woohyuk felt himself freeze as he realized what Jaewon and Kangta were trying to do. He gave Jaewon a hard look, but only received a mischievous smirk back. 

Everything suddenly looked like it was going in slow motion as he was trying to figure out how to get out of the situation. It was like he was in a movie or a game.

He grabbed Heejun's hand and pulled it off of Tony, "Okay, _you_ let him go." he said, "And _you two_," Woohyuk said to Kangta and Jaewon, "Shut up." 

Tony narrowed his eyes at him but said nothing, turning back to the other two who were failing miserably to hide their giggles.

He felt embarrassment flood his entire body. He stood up and ran to his room, dragging Heejun along with him. 

"What the hell, Woohyuk?" Heejun said after he closed the door. He pulled his arm away from Woohyuks tight hold. 

"..." He pressed his ear against the door, trying to listen to what they were saying, but all he heard was faint murmurs and a few laughs here and there. 

"What are you doing?" Heejun tried again. He tried leaning against the door too, but Woohyuk swatted him away. 

"What, are you jealous he might have a girlfriend or something?" Heejun said. He moved away from Woohyuk after he was swatted at a few more times.

He couldn't hear anything no matter how hard he strained his ears so he turned back to Heejun who was now sitting on his bed, looking through his math journal. 

Woohyuks room wasn't that great. He had a twin sized bed and soft sheets. They had a large print of a tiger on it and he had a thicker one with the same design for winter that was stuffed in his closet. 

A body sized mirror stood next to the closet. It was decorated with pictures he cut out from magazines and newspapers. Next to that was a cheap display for his shoes. So far he had two on it. The third pair were still in the bag sitting on the living room floor.

There was a fan next to his bed aiming at his pillow. He didn't like that the air conditioner shut off at random times so he brought the one from his house so he wouldn't melt in the middle of the night. 

"HeLLO? Earth to Jang Woohyuk?"

Heejuns words suddenly registered into his brain and he felt the same embarrassment he felt minutes ago come back. 

_Heejun doesn't know._

He scratched his head and looked away, "No, no. It's just that he didn't go on a date. _We didn't_..." He trailed off. 

"Then?" Heejun asked. 

"Just defending him." He mumbled. _Yeah you're stupid, Woohyuk. Now he's gonna be suspicious._

Heejun narrowed his eyes just like Tony did. It made him a bit nervous. Despite the popular belief, Heejun was actually smart. _Very_ smart. He may give off naive vibes to strangers due to his cheerfulness and slight awkwardness, but the longer you hung out with him, the more you realized how aware he was of everything. Heejun could see through you if he tried hard enough and that's what he's trying to avoid right now.

He stood in front of his door like a child being scolded.

"Why did you even drag me here? I didn't do anything." Heejun said. 

Woohyuk shrugged. He didn't know why he did it. He acted in impulse. He wanted to get out of the situation and that's what he did. Heejun just happened to get in the way. 

"You know they were just teasing him." Heejun said, "It was harmless." 

He nodded, but didn't say anything in return. 

"I'm sure Tony would've said something if they were annoying him." He continued.

Woohyuk sighed and plopped down next to him. He placed a pillow under his head, "No he wouldn't." 

"Yeah, well, if they were annoying him _enough_ he would've. You didn't even let them finish." Heejun set the math journal down and gave Woohyuk a pointed look. 

"What."

"Are you hiding something?" 

"Pfft, no." 

Heejun raised one of his eyebrows. He clearly didn't believe him, "Okay then, if you say so." He then started to reach for one of his other journals. 

Woohyuk held in a gasp. _That's the one with the—_

"Heejun." He said as calmly as he could. 

He slowly let out the breath he was holding when Heejun turned back to him, forgetting about the journal. 

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" He asked. 

It wasn't _just_ because he wanted to get out of a certain situation, but he genuinely did want to know. Like he said to Tony earlier today, it was really hard to tell with Heejun. You'd have to keep asking him until he finally tells you and even then his response was vague.

No change in expression. No twitch on his eyebrow. No fiddling with his hands. Not even a jiggle of his legs. 

"I'm fine." He said. 

He sat up, "Don't lie to me, man."

Heejun smiled, "I'm fine. Really." 

"Your dad—" 

"Is doing fine." He said, "I don't know where he is, though. He doesn't tell us anymore, but I know he's fine. So I'm okay too." 

Woohyuk didn't say anything. He tried to imagine what he would do if he were Heejun, but he couldn't think of anything. He could only feel bad for him. Heejun would kick his ass if he said that out loud though. 

"What about you?" Heejun asked. He sat more comfortably in the bed. He grabbed one of Woohyuks pillows and placed it on his lap before resting his elbows on it, his hands on his cheeks.

"I'm doing great." He said, thinking about his day, "I had lots of fun today." 

"I haven't seen you smiling that much in ages." Heejun said, "You've been smiling a lot ever since Tony came to us."

"Yeah, I guess I have." He said. 

He'd been happy before his arrival, just not _this_ happy. Something about Tony just made him calm and content. It was like he had let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in and he could just _breathe_. 

Heejun burst out laughing, "Look at that." He pointed at the corner.

"What?"

He looked at what Heejun was pointed at and shook his head in amusement. Tony had left his jeans and shirt in a messy pile in front of his closet. 

"I ain't picking that up." Woohyuk said. 

"Remember how nervous he was when we first met?" Heejun chuckled, "And now he's so comfortable with us that he's willing to sleep over and leave his clothes on the floor."

"I know right." He replied, "He was so nervous that I thought he was gonna quit that very day."

Woohyuk reached over and turned his fan on, making sure the air aimed at both of them. The hum of the fan silenced his thoughts for a while. He needed to stop thinking.

"What are you gonna do when he leaves?" Heejun asked quietly.

He tensed up. He felt cold all of a sudden, "What do you mean?"

"He has to go home sometime, doesn't he?" Heejun said. He looked just as upset as Woohyuk felt, "He's not a Korean citizen, you know. He has to sort out visas and stuff like that and that means he'll have to go back and forth a lot. His family is over there, too. I don't think I'm the only one who's noticed that he misses them badly." 

Woohyuk swallowed. He didn't want Tony to leave. Not even for a short amount of time. Tony has been a great addition to his life. And although he has Kangta, Jaewon and Heejun to keep him company, they weren't Tony. He was different. He felt like he could talk to Tony about anything all day, everyday. They had a lot in common and just enough differences to balance it all out.

Tony gave off that lost puppy vibe that drew him in from the start. 

He couldn't ignore the attachment he was forming with him. It would feel weird to not see him for one day, let alone weeks or months. He could already tell it would be painful.

"I don't know what I'll do." He murmured.

.

.

.

.

.

August 13, 1996

Tony POV  
  


"Okay everybody, one more time! Just the chorus!" Mr. Lee exclaimed. 

"Yes, sir." They echoed. 

The song began to play loudly in their headphones. They counted the beat until it was time to sing the chorus. Kangta tapped his leg and Tony bopped his head while the others tapped their foot. This part was mostly for Woohyuk and Heejun, but the others helped to make it sound better.

There was a single mic in the room that they all stood around. Normally, if they were recording individual parts, only one person would be in the room. Since this is a group part, they had to be together. 

In front of them was a stand that held the lyrics to each song they've been recording. Right now they're recording _Another Annoying Day._

Behind the stand was a large glass window. Mr. Lee and the producers stood behind it, monitoring their work and pointing out any mistakes that they needed to work on. 

The song was cut off and Mr. Lee's voice replaced it.

"That's enough, thank you boys, you can rest now. There's sandwiches in the break room if you're hungry." Mr. Lee said, "Except you, Tony, I need your help for a sec. You can join them after."

_What? Why?_ He whined in his head.

Heejun stretched and took his headphones off, placing them on a chair next to the stand. The others followed in suit. 

Kangta gave him a pat on the back, "We'll be in the hall. Holler if you need us." 

Tony gripped the ends of his shirt tightly as he watched his friends leave the recording studio. He felt even more nervous when Mr. Lee joined the room he was in. He still wasn't comfortable being in close proximity to him.

Tony pulled his headphones off and hung them around his neck.

"How are you this fine evening?" Mr. Lee asked. He sat on the edge of the chair, careful not to squish the headphones.

"Good." He said, "I'm good. And you?"

Mr. Lee smiles, " I'm doing fine myself. I've been in a good mood all day."

"Oh, that's good." 

"And that's why I'm going to ignore the amount of money you and Woohyuk wasted on Saturday." 

Tony froze. _How did he find out already? _

He brought his hands together and fiddled with his fingers nervously. Cold sweat ran down his back. 

"Woohyuk had to ask for extra money just so he could eat. That's how we found out in case you were wondering." 

"O-oh." He mumbled.

"Don't look like that. I said I was going to let it slide." Mr. Lee said, "Unless you want—"

"No!" He interrupted, "No, no. I just— we won't do it again. I promise."

His boss shrugged ,"Okay. I'll hold you onto that."

He breathed out slowly. His legs were wobbly.

"Anyways, that's not why I asked you to stay behind. I have an idea for your part in _Warriors Descendants_." 

Tony raised an eyebrow, "An idea?" 

He'd already finished recording that song. What else could he possibly add to it?

"Instead of rapping it normally, how about you do it like this?" He said before demonstrating.

Tony listened. It wasn't bad but it was that impressive either. 

Mr. Lee rapping was now crossed on the list of things he'd never thought he'd hear. 

He suddenly imagined him as an actual rapper with baggy pants and heavy gold chains around his neck. Tony shook that image away. It was nightmare fuel.

"You want me to rap a bit nasally?" He asked when he finished.

"Yep. And also I want you to tone down your pronunciation"

"My pronunciation? What do you mean?" 

"I need you to make it easier for people to understand. You're rapping in English and not a lot of people know that language. So if you tone it down, they'll understand it better." 

"Okay then." He said, "If that's what you want." 

Mr. Lee looked satisfied and gave Tony a rough pat on the shoulder, contrasting from Kangtas gentle pat. He then left the room, appearing right in front of him behind the glass window only a few seconds later.

Tony put his headphones back on and flipped through the lyrics until he found _Warriors Descendants._

Mr. Lee. pressed the button which allowed Tony to hear him, "You ready?" 

"Yeah." He replied. 

The music was forwarded up until Kangta's rapping part, indicating that it was almost his turn. 

He took a deep breath and leaned into the mic. One hand holding one side of his headphones and the other resting on the stand.

_"Here we go, here we go, it's time to stop mmm the violence, hate and all the mess …"_

Tony had to record it a few times before Mr. Lee was satisfied. 

When he was done, he set his headphones down on the chair and left the room to join Mr. Lee. He listened to the recording and had to admit that it was growing on him. The tone and the pronunciation were still a bit weird to him, but he also thought it sounded better than what he originally recorded. 

Mr. Lee gave him a thumbs up. That was his cue to leave. 

"Thank you, Tony." He said. 

He gave him a stiff smile and said, "You're welcome." Then he left the room. 

He found his members hanging out in the hall just like they said they would. Except they had sandwiches in their hands. 

Woohyuk handed him one, "It's ham and cheese." 

Tony unwrapped the sandwich and bit it right away. He wasn't hungry, but he just needed something to busy himself with. 

"What did he want?" Kangta asked. 

They walked out of the hall, heading towards the practice room that was downstairs. 

"He just wanted me to record my part in _Warriors Descendants_ again." 

"Why?" Heejun asked, "You sound good."

"He wanted me to try a different style. It's not that bad to be honest." 

"Huh, now I have to hear it." 

"You will." 

Kangta walked in front of them while vocalizing. Tony was always impressed when he heard him sing. He had the widest range out of all of them and his vocal color was amazing. He could already tell that Kangta was going to be really popular. He was also handsome, so that was a plus.

"Ugh, home sweet home." Woohyuk said when they arrived at the practice room, "The new practice room better have windows or I'm outta here." 

Jaewon walked in first and turned on the light. 

Tony watched Heejun do some funky dance moves in front of the mirrors while singing to himself. 

"That was fun, wasn't it?" Kangta said, "We have one more song left to record." 

"Yep. Candy." Tony said. 

"I wonder how many parts I'm gonna get." Jaewon said sarcastically. 

"Right?" Woohyuk said, "It's the only song that hasn't been completely divided into parts." 

"The chorus has question marks on it which is weird." Tony said, "Shouldn't Kangta get that part?" 

"I've been doing all the choruses." Kangta said, "Maybe they want someone else?"

"It's probably Heejun." Jaewon said, "He's the second best at singing." 

"What if it's you." Woohyuk said.

Jaewon scratched his head, "I don't think so? I don't think I'm good enough for a chorus." 

Tony began laughing, "What if it's you, Woohyuk?"

"Me?!" Woohyuk exclaimed, "Can you imagine that? I'd make the chorus sound like a screaming mess. It's a cutesy song. That wouldn't match at all." 

Heejun stopped dancing and joined them. He still had half a sandwich in his hand, "Not gonna lie, I would like to see that." 

"No thanks." Woohyuk said, "I'm a rapper. I'm gonna get that cool rapping part." 

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door. It opened swiftly before anyone could say 'come in'.

Mr. Lee walked in with a smile, "Could you boys follow me into my office?"

Tony was tempted to say 'what if we don't want to'.

"Why?" Heejun asked.

"I have some good news for you all." He said, "Come on." And then he left. He didn't close the door behind him and left it wide open instead. 

"We just got here." Jaewon said, "Couldn't he have said it here?"

"His office is just down the hall." Kangta said, "It's probably really important." 

They exited the room and quickly walked to Mr. Lee's office. It was painfully close to the practice room, but it was useful that way anyways.

Tony was rather curious. _What kind of news will it be? Is he gonna inform us about the move? I hope it is. I really want a change of scenery._

They squeezed themselves into the office. Heejun closed the door behind him and they took their respective spots in front of Mr. Lee. Jaewon, Kangta and Tony took the seats while Heejun and Woohyuk stood behind them. 

Their boss still had the smile on his face. He looked genuinely happy and Tony didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. 

"What's going on?" Heejun asked.

"I believe a congratulations are in order." Mr. Lee started. 

Tony cocked his head and gulped. _What_?

"You will be debuting on September 7."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes ú-ù


	9. trash

August 13, 1996

Heejun plopped onto the floor and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders trembled and tears slipped through his hands and down his neck.

They were back in the practice room after hearing the big news. All five of them had been equally shocked. It was like time had stopped for a while before the tears streamed down. _All_ of them had cried.

It was the first time Tony had seen Mr. Lee genuinely smile at them and say he was proud of them. 

They were going to debut! It was confirmed. There was a _date, time and place_. They were finally gonna be singers! Their hard work finally paid off.

"Are you crying because you're happy?" Woohyuk asked. His eyes were wet. 

Heejun nodded, not taking his hands off his face. 

Kangta sat next to him and hugged him, resting his cheek on his shoulder, "Thank you." He said.

Heejun straightened up and looked at Kangta through his tear filled eyes, "Huh? Why?" 

"This wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you and your leadership." 

Tony nodded, "Yeah. You're the best leader we could've ever asked for." 

Jaewon smiled, "Thank you, Heejun." 

Behind them, Woohyuk let out a broken laugh, "They're right, Heejun. Thank you." 

Heejun went red in the face and burst into tears again. 

Heejun rarely cried. He wasn't like Kangta who cried for everything and everyone. He always held it in for the sake of his members. So him crying right now meant that he was so happy that he couldn't hold it in any longer. 

The four hugged Heejun tightly, dragging him to his feet. They heard him laugh in surprise.

Heejun took the time to hug back each one of them, running his hands through their hair like a father would to their child. 

"You're welcome, but also, thank you." He said, "For listening to me and helping me become your leader." 

Tony stood back and wiped a tear, "We're getting too mushy. Someone, please insult me or something."

"Awww, you love it." Kangta said while sobbing. He looked funny crying his eyes out yet telling a dumb joke like that.

"Shut up." Tony laughed. He began to cry just as hard, "Look at what you did!" 

Woohyuk shook his head and pulled Tony back into the group hug. 

He wasn't embarrassed to admit that he latched onto them immediately. He was just so happy to share this moment with them. 

"We're gonna be singers!" Heejun cheered.

They began to jump in circles, still holding onto each other and screaming in joy. 

Heejun jumped out of the hug and held his hand out in front of him. The rest followed in suit, stacking their hands on top of Heejun's. 

"We are—" Heejun started.

"—H.O.T.!" They all exclaimed, bringing their hands up towards the ceiling.

.

.

.

.

August 15, 1996  
  


It was very early. In fact it was a bit too early The sun had yet to rise and there were barely any cars on the usually busy roads. Yet Tony was already on his way to the practice room. 

Of course there was a reason for it. It's not like Tony just decided to practice at 4 in the morning on a whim instead of sleeping for one more hour.

He couldn't sleep and he was hungry. However, he realized he had no food. So on his way back from the convenience store, he decided he might as well go to the practice room. He didn't go there to dance though. He just wanted to eat his food and maybe catch a few Z's before practice started. Maybe a change of space would allow him to rest. 

Tony opened the door to the entertainment building and immediately jogged downstairs, swinging his plastic bag full of snacks around. He felt cheerful for some reason and felt the need to express it with his body. 

Once in the right hall, Tony froze. 

The door to the practice room was ajar and the lights were on.

He looked around a bit, "Is someone here already?" He whispered to himself.

Suddenly, he heard loud crashes and thumps coming from that door. He jumped. 

_Is there a robber_? Tony took a hesitant step back before running out, taking refuge at the entrance of the hall. 

He dug through his bag and pulled out the bottle of Gatorade he bought from the store and held it tightly. He could throw the bottle at the robbers head if he had to.

Tony took a peek into the hall and looked around. There was no one. The lights flickered. 

_I should've stayed in bed. _

Another series of crashes made him jump again. Those crashes were then followed by grunts and words that Tony couldn't make out. 

_Yeah, Imma head out_.

He turned around to the stairs so he could make a run for it, but froze once his hand touched the railing. What if someone needed help? Maybe there **was** a robber and a staff member is getting attacked? He couldn't just leave them. No matter how much he hated them, he couldn't bring himself to leave them to that fate.

Sweat ran down his cheek and his legs began to tremble. He glanced back towards the brightly lit hall and gripped the railing tighter.

Tony took a deep breath and let go before turning back to the hall.

He inched his way slowly to the door. The crashes were getting louder as he got closer. He held the Gatorade bottle above his head and extended his other hand towards the door handle. 

Tony flinched when something heavy crashed onto the door _hard_ followed by a string of curses and —

He brought the Gatorade bottle down and frowned. He knew that voice. It was—

_Jaewon_?

Tony gasped, thinking the worst. _What if he's hurt?!_ He pulled the door open with all his strength and rushed inside, "Jaewon! Are you—!"

He froze again and stared wide eyed at the scene before him.

There was no robber.

Jaewon was kneeling by the door desperately trying to fix the boombox which lay broken on the floor. His knuckles were bleeding. There were cassettes and CD's scattered all around him with broken cases.

"What happened?!" Tony exclaimed, kneeling right beside him. He dropped his stuff and grabbed Jaewon's hand to look at the extent of his injuries, but the hand was snatched back.

"Nothing." Jaewon murmured. His voice trembled slightly. He hid his hand away from Tony's sight.

Tony gulped and looked away so he wouldn't make Jaewon uncomfortable. He set his eyes on the broken boombox.

"Jaewon, this _isn't_ 'nothing'." Tony tried to gather pieces of the boombox to help him, but Jaewon pushed him away hard. 

Tony yelped when his head made contact with the door frame behind him. He grabbed his head and looked at Jaewon with a painful expression. Jaewon looked shocked, maybe even scared, "I'm sorry." He whispered. 

"Jaewon, please. What happ—"

"I said, **_nothing_**!"

Tony flinched and snapped his mouth shut. Jaewon had never raised his voice at him or anyone else for that matter. At least from what he has seen. Jaewon was soft spoken and sassy at times, but he's never heard him sound like this. 

He watched him try to piece the front of the boombox back together with trembling hands. 

After a few minutes of trying, Jaewon gave up and slammed the broken pieces on the floor. He let out a frustrated sob and hung his head. 

Tony crawled back over to him and gently placed his hand on Jaewon's arm. He wanted to know what happened. He wanted to help, but he decided to wait until Jaewon told him himself. He couldn't force it out of him. 

He looked around the room, shocked to find a hole in the wall the size of a fist. He looked back at Jaewon, a little scared and amazed by his strength. 

Jaewon sniffed and finally looked up at Tony. 

"Why are you here so early?" Jaewon asked. He managed to calm himself down and was no longer crying. His cheeks were red, like he was embarrassed, "I thought I was the only one here." 

Tony shrugged, "Couldn't sleep." 

"Oh."

"What about you?" He asked. 

Jaewon looked away, "Just cause."

Tony sighed. He was hoping that would lead to an explanation to why Jaewon was trashing the place. 

"You know…" Tony started, "I'm a good listener." 

"I don't need—"

He held his hand up to shut him up, "I'm just saying. I'm here if you need to vent. I don't care if it's about a stupid test or something. Just know that I'm here for you." 

Jaewon stared at him. Contemplating. He sighed and criss crossed his legs. He wrung his hands together.

"It's stupid." He said. 

Tony straightened up, "I'm sure it's not if it got you so worked up." 

"I just— we just got the green light to debut and I don't want to ruin the moment with my problems."

"I don't mind." He said.

Jaewon pursed his lips, "Well…" he started. 

Tony cocked his head, feeling a bit worried for him.

"I just wanted to tell my mom the good news." He said. 

Tony frowned, "What did she say?" 

Jaewon let out an airy laugh which quickly turned into a sob, "Nothing. She couldn't say anything."

"Why?" 

"Because she's dead." He said.

Tony panicked, "O-oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you— I'm really sorry." 

He waved his hand, "It's alright. It's fine. It was a long time ago." 

"...but?"

He sighed, "But...I just wish she was still alive so I could share this moment with her."

Tony didn't say anything in return. What was he even supposed to say to that? He's never experienced the death of a parent before so he couldn't relate to him. Instead, he scooted closer to Jaewon and opened his arms, allowing Jaewon to cry on his shoulder. He winced when he felt Jaewon's fingers dig into his waist.

"I went straight home that day. No one was home and I had no one to talk to. I barely had time to tell them the news when they _were_ home. They're so busy these days." Jaewon said.

Tony listened carefully. It was hard to understand him because his voice was muffled and the crying made it worse, but he still made the effort to understand. 

"So today, while everyone was still asleep, I decided to visit her. Maybe she would listen." He said, "But when I got there, all I saw was a metal plaque with her name on it. She's not there for real. And I don't know why it hurt so bad. She won't be able to see me fulfill my dream." 

He ran his hand through Jaewon's hair. It was sweaty. 

"I was on my way back home, but I didn't want to go back to my room and sit in the dark until my alarm rang. I wanted to forget the whole thing. So I went here. And….I didn't mean to trash the place. I just— I was just so sad and just let it out like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you, too." 

Tony felt a pang in his heart. Jaewon sounded so down in the dumps. He rested his chin on top of Jaewon's head and whispered, "It's okay."

"I just wanted her to tell me what a good job I've done." Jaewon said. 

"I'm sure she's proud of you." Tony said. 

"I hope she is."

Tony frowned, "She is." 

"How would you know?" He pulled away from Tony and wiped his nose. 

Tony shrugged, "I just know. You know, if I was your mom I'd be really proud." 

Jaewon slightly laughed at that, "Okay." 

"Okay?" Tony asked, confused.

"Yeah." 

"Jaew—"

"What am I gonna do about the boombox?" He asked.

Tony bit his lip. Jaewon clearly didn't want to keep talking about his mom. Tony didn't have another choice but to respect that despite being so worried for his friend.

"The boombox?" Tony said instead.

Jaewon nodded and looked over at the broken boombox, his face somber and guilty. 

"Let's throw it away." Tony said. 

"No way. Mr. Lee will kill us." Jaewon grabbed the front of the boombox and attempted to fix it again, but to no avail, "We have to fix it." 

"We can just say it got stolen. It _is_ an ugly building. Bad people are bound to crash here and steal some shit." 

"What if we get caught?"

"I'll take full responsibility." 

"You can't do that!" Jaewon exclaimed.

"Watch me." 

Jaewon sighed again, "Whatever then. Help me throw it away." 

Tony stood up and poked his head out of the practice room. "I'm gonna go get a trash bag, wait here." He called. 

He heard Jaewon say, "Ok." Before he headed out. 

He ran to a different hall where he knew the cleaning supplies were and pulled out a key. 

Mr. Lee had given each of them keys to the building and other rooms after determining that he could trust them on their own. After a few incidents with juice boxes— ahem, Heejun— Mr. Lee also gave them copies to the janitors closet.

Tony inserted the key and opened the closet. It creaked loudly throughout the quiet hall.

He grabbed a few bags and the broom before closing it and running back to the practice room. He didn't want to admit it, but this part of the building spooked him and he didn't want to be alone longer than he should. 

"Why'd you get a lot of bags." Jaewon asked, grabbing the broom from Tony. 

"To double bag it. Or even triple bag it." 

Jaewon raised his eyebrow, "Okay." He began sweeping up the smaller pieces while Tony knelt down and grabbed the much larger pieces and threw them into the bag. Once he was done, he laid the bag sideways and opened it wide for Jaewon to sweep the rest of the pieces in.

Tony tied the bag up tightly and put it in another bag and then another. It looked just like a regular bag of trash by the end of it.

Tony stood up and wiped his sweat, "What are we gonna do about the wall?" He asked. 

Jaewon glanced at it, "Oh that?" He scratched his head, "Um...we can place something in front of it." 

Tony looked around and found a picture frame with no picture. It's been laying in the room for weeks now. No one knew where it came from. It was just there. He would've used that, but neither of them had any nails or a hammer for that matter.

"I guess we can cover it later. Let's go throw this away." 

Jaewon nodded and set the broom aside and followed Tony out the door.

The lights flickered again. 

"I hate this place." Jaewon murmured. 

Tony pretended he didn't hear that and hurried up the stairs. 

Jaewon opened the door for him and pointed to where the huge dumpster stood. 

He spotted it at the corner of the property and sighed. 

Jaewon jogged over to it and opened the lid. He covered his nose and signaled for Tony to hurry up. 

Tony rose the bag over his head, his arms shook with the weight. He managed to throw it right in on his first try. 

Jaewon let go of the lid and quickly walked away from it. 

The sun was barely rising. Tony squinted his eyes at the red orange glow behind the tall buildings. It reminded him of a forest fire.

It was probably 5 am already which meant that practice was going to start soon. There wasn't a fixed schedule today, but the rest said they were arriving around 5:30 or 6 am.

Tony wiped sweat off his brow and began heading back towards the building. Jaewon followed him.

"Hey, Tony?"

"Hmm?"

"What is your mom like?" 

Tony faltered in his step "Huh?"

Jaewon blushed and looked away, "I— I just wanted to know. I mean, you never talk about her. You usually tell us stories about your dad."

Tony ignored the pang in his heart and shrugged, "I don't care about her." He muttered.

Jaewon gasped, "Why?!" 

"She left us when I was 5. I haven't seen her since." 

"Oh...not even once?" 

"Not once." He said, "Though she does call sometimes just to say happy new year. I don't even remember what she looks like."

Tony tried to ignore the lump in his throat. He couldn't cry here. Not over her and definitely not when Jaewon just finished crying himself. 

"Does she live over there too?" Jaewon opened the door and let Tony go in first. 

Tony sighed and closed his eyes. _Finally, some fresh air_. "No, she lives over here." 

Jaewon was silent for a while, his eyebrows pinched, "Maybe you should visit her." 

He choked on his own spit, "Me?! Visit her?! I'd rather die." 

"Yeah, but maybe you could get some closure." Jaewon said, "I mean, you were just 5 when she left, right? Now you're 18. You're better equipped to understand what happened." 

Tony frowned. 

_Go see Mom? This is what this trip is all about anyways...but I don't know_. 

"I know I'd do anything to see my mom again." Jaewon continued, "Wouldn't you?" 

He shook his head, "I don't know, Jaewon. I've spent years wondering if she didn't want me. If I'm the reason why she left. Would she even _want_ to see me?" 

Jaewon cocked his head, "You won't know unless you go." 

Tony placed his hands in his pockets.

"Does she know you're here?" Jaewon asked. 

"No." 

"Oh." 

They got back in the practice room. Tony grabbed the broom and began to sweep the floor just in case any pieces were left. He picked up his plastic bag and set it neatly in a corner. He then stacked the CD's and cassettes on the floor next to his bag. Thankfully, none of them were broken. Just because he couldn't bother to clean his own dorm didn't mean he was going to leave a mess elsewhere.

Jaewon planted something in his head. His mother was just a few hours from where he was. He knew that because his dad had given him her address before he came. He looked it up once in an internet cafe. 

Well, at least they thought she still lived there. His father had kept that address since the divorce in case of an emergency.

Tony doubted that she moved somewhere else, though.

He could easily rent a car, drive up there and see her. 

"Jaewon?" He said. His voice was hoarse. Like he hadn't drank water in days. He coughed. 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" Tony asked, "You know...for not seeing her even though I'm just miles away from her." 

"No, not really." Jaewon said, "Just stupid."

Tony felt an invisible brick slam onto his head at that, "Oh, yeah?" 

"It could be your chance to tell her what you've been feeling all these years. You could ask her questions." He said, "Even though the answers might not be good, at least you'll know. I don't think it's okay to stay in the dark. It'll eat you up."

Tony placed his hands on top of the broom handle and rested his chin on it, thinking.

"You should go before it becomes September. You won't have any time at all by then." Jaewon said.

Tony sighed. Anxiety began building up in his chest at the thought of actually seeing her. 

He closed his eyes and tried really hard to remember what she looked like, but all he could remember was a silhouette of her permed hair and a soft voice calling him her _little prince. _

He frowned, frustrated that it was all he could remember. He opened his eyes to find Jaewon looking at him, concerned.

Tony stood up straight and ran a hand through his hair. 

"At least think about it." Jaewon said, "You'll feel more at peace." 

Tony sighed, "Fine, but—"

The door burst open— scaring Tony and Jaewon — and Heejun jumped in, "Guys! Holy fuck!!" 

"What the fuck?!" Tony exclaimed, grabbing his chest, "You nearly gave me a heart attack, what's wrong with you?!" 

Heejun pulled out a piece of paper out of nowhere and shoved it in their faces, "I got 100%!!!" 

Tony stared at the 100 written in red ink. There was a sticker with a shooting star design stuck next to the grade. It read 'Great Job!'.

"Congratulations?" Tony said. 

Heejun bowed, unaware of the mood, "Thank you. I thought I failed, but when I went to pick it up she said I was at the top of the class!" He wailed, "Oh, thank you, math gods! I'll never talk shit about you ever again!" 

Jaewon stared at Heejun for a moment, "Hey, do you have tape?" 

"Tape? Yeah. What for?" Heejun said. 

"Can I have some?" 

Heejun looked confused, but still complied. He opened his backpack and pulled out a small roll of tape and handed it to Jaewon. 

Tony watched as Jaewon grabbed Heejun's homework and placed it over the hole in the wall and taped it on. 

"There." Jaewon said.

"Woah woah woah! What happened to the wall and why are you covering it with my homework?" Heejun asked with a comical expression.

"Robbers." Tony said. 

"Robbers?!" Heejun said, "What the fu—" 

"What's going on?" Woohyuk walked in the room with Kangta in tow. 

Kangta looked like he just woke up. His hair was in all different directions and his eyes were still closed.

"Tony said a robber was here." 

Jaewon gave Tony a look which basically said '_you shouldn't have said that'._

"Huh?!" Woohyuk practically yelled, waking Kangta up in the process. 

"What the fuck?!" Kangta said. 

"Are you guys alright?" Woohyuk asked. He grabbed Tony and Jaewon tightly and pulled them close, "You guys aren't injured?" 

"He left when we got here." Jaewon lied, hiding his hand in his sleeve. 

Woohyuk looked like he didn't believe him. 

Tony stepped in, "H-He took the boombox and ran away when he saw us." 

Heejun looked at the spot where the boombox usually stood and grabbed his hair, "The boombox! It's gone!" 

Kangta, who was now _fully_ awake gasped loudly, "What the hell?! Where's the boombox?!" 

Jaewon hung his head and gave a guilty look to Tony. 

Tony immediately felt sorry for him and slipped his hand into Jaewon's. "Don't feel bad." He whispered. 

"It's my fault." He whispered back. Tears welled up in his eyes causing Tony to panic.

While the other three were freaking out over the boombox, Tony pulled Jaewon out of the room and pulled him into a hug. 

"It's alright, Jaewon."

"But I broke it! And now you guys will get in trouble because of me." 

Tony held him tighter. He knew they were going to get in trouble. It was only a matter of hours before the managers noticed it was gone. But Tony couldn't snitch on him. Not even to his friends. What Jaewon told him was private and he truly lamented the incident. 

"I'll buy a new one." Tony said, "The other one was old anyway."

"You don't have any money." Jaewon said.

"Yes I do, shut up. I said it's gonna be fine so it's gonna be fine." 

He in fact didn't have enough money to buy a new one, but Jaewon didn't need to know that. 

Jaewon sniffed, "...Okay." 

The door opened and Woohyuk stepped out. He looked surprised when he saw Tony and Jaewon hugging. 

Jaewon pulled away and wiped his tears. 

"What's wrong?" Woohyuk asked, looking from Jaewon and then to Tony. 

"Nothing." Jaewon said, pushing past them and went back inside. 

The door closed softly, leaving Tony and Woohyuk alone in the hall.

"He'll be alright." Tony said. He slipped his hands in his pocket. He felt guilty for some reason. 

"That's good." Woohyuk said. 

Tony contemplated if he should go back inside, but Woohyuk's expression stopped him. 

He looked pensive and suspicious still. 

"We didn't get injured, Woohyuk. We're fine." Tony said, thinking he was still worried about possible injuries. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah."

Woohyuk visibly sagged in relief, "Okay that's good. That's very good." 

Tony nodded.

"Wanna come with me to get my mini boombox from my dorm?" Woohyuk asked. 

He looked at him, surprised, "You have one?!" 

"Yeah. I bought it ages ago and never opened it. Wanna come?" 

"Oh, thank God! Yes I do!" Tony exclaimed, "Let's go!" Relief flooded his entire body. Hopefully they can get it before the managers arrive.

Woohyuk chuckled, "Come on." He gently pushed Tony forward and followed after him. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that it's late ^^;


	10. mirrors

August 18, 1996

Woohyuk POV

_"—And it looks like there will be cloudy skies followed by heavy rain. Please bring an umbrella with—" _

Click.

_"— well, I think it's obvious that it's down to corruption—"_

Click.

_"—Donna was her name. Since she left me, I've never been the same…"_

Woohyuk sighed and brought his hand back down to his lap. He finally found a station that played music rather than politics or weather reports. The fact that it was an oldies station was even better. 

He always felt more connected with older music.

There was a light _tap tap tap_ hitting the roof of the rented car he was in, indicating that it was raining. It was rather calming. The rain and Ritchie Valens were helping his worry die down. 

He took in the scent of the rental. It smelled like fake pine and air freshener. It gave him a headache at first, but it was finally going away. 

He listened to the song in silence, staring at nothing, letting the words he could barely understand consume him. 

Woohyuk placed his hand on the window next to him, enjoying how cool it was. It was almost September and the air was slowly getting less hot and humid and more chilly and comfortable. 

His eyes focused on the scenery behind the window, his hand became a blur.

A large traditional house stood strong and tall on the beautiful green grass. There was a soft orange glow coming from one of the windows and there were shadows moving about. There were people inside.

Just in front of the house stood two figures. A woman and Tony stood under no roof, out in the rain.

Woohyuk slipped his shoes off and hugged his knee to his chest and continued looking at the two who were now becoming a blur due to the rain sliding down the window.

_"—I'm left all alone, all by myself, to wander and roam, cause I love my girl…"_

Tony asked him to come. It was scary actually. He came into Woohyuks dorm at 3 in the morning with tears streaming down his cheeks saying something about his father. Woohyuk had no idea what was going on and had just woken up so he felt even more confused, but still, he let Tony come in and even let him sleep with him. He couldn't leave him alone like that.

His heart hurt just thinking about Tony going, _"I fucked up. I fucked up."_ and all that Woohyuk was able to do was hold him.

When he woke up, Tony was in the kitchen frying some eggs for them with an apologetic look before asking Woohyuk to come with him to see his mother. 

Honestly, he was still confused. The only thing he really grasped is that Tony lied about something and his father found out. He didn't know what the lie was and didn't feel comfortable asking since it seemed serious. He had yet to figure out why Tony was here or _why_ he asked him to come as well. 

Woohyuk rubbed his eye a bit with his sleeve and stifled a yawn. He didn't think he'd be so sleepy by now. He jerked himself up and ran a hand through his hair. He'd recently gotten a haircut. In fact, they all did. They had to look fresh for the music video that was scheduled to be filmed the day after tomorrow.

Woohyuk watched as Tony moved his arms around in fast motions while he talked. It was one thing that fascinated him about Tony. He was really expressive with his body, especially when he's upset. And Woohyuk could tell he was really upset right now. He didn't know why though. He couldn't hear anything from here, just the _tap tap tap_ of the rain.

He looked away and went back to the radio, once again switching stations since commercials started blasting again. 

Luck wasn't on his side, though. It seemed like every station decided to play commercials right this second just to spite him. He groaned in frustration and turned the radio off, wishing he had brought a few tapes along with him. He still hasn't listened to that Michael Jackson one he bought last week.

If only Tony told him how far they were driving and how long this was going to take.

He rested his cheek on his knee and looked back over to Tony. Relief ran through him when he saw Tony and his mother hugging. 

Although the wet and foggy window skewed his vision, he could see Tony's hands gripping her shirt tightly like he was afraid she might disappear. 

Their clothes were damp with the rain, their hair pressed flat against their foreheads, but neither seemed to care.

He felt his heart speed up when Tony pulled away and he caught a glimpse of Tony's face. 

Jaewon's voice popped in his head. '_Man, you're utterly whipped.'_

.

.

.

.

.

August 24, 1996

Tony POV

"That hat is nice." Heejun said. 

"My ears stick out so much now." Tony whined.

"They're cute." Kangta said, grabbing Tony's ears and wiggling them. 

Tony pulled himself away from him, his face completely red, "What is it with you guys and my ears?!"

Kangta giggled to himself with that lovely crooked smile of his. He was such a darling, "Like I said, they're cute."

A staff member ran a soft cloth over his forehead to wipe his sweat off. The camera lights were intense. It was like multiple suns stood over them.

"Look over here!" 

The boys extended their hands towards the camera and posed. They'd change their pose with each shutter of the camera, earning praise from the cameraman. 

"Look up over here!" 

Another camera was placed above them for an interesting angle. The staff had them stand in v formation. Woohyuk stood the nearest to the camera.

More shutters and more poses. 

Mr. Lee sat in a plastic chair with a notebook in his hand. He was writing and also seemed to be designing something of some sort. Jaewon's manager sat next to him, also writing. Tony never got to learn his name and even if he did, he would probably still call him 'Jaewons manager'.

"Damn, we look cool." Heejun said when they were looking over the photos. He was looking at a picture that had him as the center.

"These angles are wild." Jaewon said, "I look shorter than all of you guys."

Heejun beamed, "Well I'm cool with that." 

Jaewon rested his arm on Heejun's head, "Who said that? I can't see them." 

Heejun pushed his arm off, "Very funny. You ruined my hair." 

"No I didn't."

"Well you almost did."

"I think that's it for the indoor photos." The cameraman said, "You guys can rest while we set up outside, okay?" 

They nodded. 

Tony went over to the dressing area and grabbed a mirror. He pulled his hat off and ran a hand through his trimmed locks, messing them up a little to give them volume. He had an undercut now and it was slowly growing onto him. It looked clean. Like he was a fancy boy.

Woohyuk popped up in the corner of the mirror, blushing when Tony made eye contact with him. 

"What?" Tony said, setting the mirror down and turning to his friend. 

"Nothing." He said, "You look— I mean, want a snack? There's a vending machine outside of the studio." He pointed his thumb towards the exit.

He shrugged, "Yeah, sure, why not." 

Tony followed Woohyuk, smiling in amusement when Jaewon shot Woohyuk some finger guns and an "aaaaayyeee" on their way out. 

"What was that?" He asked once they were outside. 

The weather was nice for once. It was sunny, but there were plenty of clouds in the sky to lower the temperature by a lot. It was a relief to get away from the camera lights.

"I dunno." Woohyuk mumbled, pulling out some coins from his wallet, "Here." He handed some to Tony, "You choose first.

Tony chose some chocolate chip cookies and inserted the coins, pressing E3 gently. He watched the bag fall with a thud.

Woohyuk reached down and grabbed it for him.

Tony raised his eyebrows at him, "Thanks."

"Your back hurts." He simply said, fumbling with his coins. 

He felt something warm spread in his chest at that. Tony hadn't even told him his back was hurting, but somehow Woohyuk had noticed. 

Which if he thought about it, _was_ a bit creepy, but it was still sweet nonetheless.

Woohyuk bought a bag of cheese balls. He handed the bag to Tony so he could pull out more coins and bought two mini water bottles. 

.

.

"It's nice outside." Woohyuk said. 

They were sitting, balancing themselves on a bicycle rack and swinging their legs slowly.

"Yeah." Tony bit his cookie. "We should have a picnic when we're free. I think it'll be fun." 

Woohyuk almost dropped his chips, "W-we?" 

"Yeah. Unless you don't want to?" He cocked his head. 

"No, no, of course I want to!" He exclaimed. 

Tony smiled, "Good." 

He pulled a cookie out and offered it to Woohyuk, "Here." 

The wind blew gently. Hip hop music played from a distance. The sound of a basketball bouncing on a blacktop resonated softly in the street.

Woohyuk opened his mouth and ate the cookie, looking like a tomato as he chewed. 

"So is everything okay? You know, with your parents?" Woohyuk asked, brushing crumbs off his shirt.

Tony sucked in a breath, "I don't know. I mean, with my mom I guess I'm okay. I got answers to questions that I've been asking myself since I was little."

"Were the answers good?" 

He shrugged, "Most of them, at least." 

He was thankful that Jaewon suggested he visit his mother. He certainly didn't dislike her anymore. He would've probably still have that sentiment if he hadn't seen her. It wasn't good to hate someone without really knowing why.

"Oh." Woohyuk said, "Is that a good thing?"

Tony nodded, "Yeah. It means I was holding a grudge over nothing." 

_I'm just relieved that she loves me._

"What about with your dad?" Woohyuk asked. 

He cringed at that. It had gone horrible. He called home, fully expecting Jeong-ah to answer the phone. His plan was to have Jeong-ah there to help him find a way to explain the situation to his dad without making it seem as bad as it was. 

Except, it was his father who answered. And his mood wasn't that great either. 

_"How could you do this to us? To me? You told me—straight to my face—that you were going to see your mother and come back home when summer was over. Now you're telling me you won't be coming home?" _

It was like a punch to the gut. He thought telling his sister was nerve-wracking, but his father was downright scary. 

His dad didn't insult him or raise his voice. He didn't do anything like that. It was the low trembling voice that scared him. A voice that sounded like he was holding in tears. It wasn't like his dad to cry, especially in front of his kids. 

Euijun just wanted him to come home. 

Of course, he was mad at him for doing exactly what he told Tony not to do, but he was more hurt over the lie and the fact that Tony was in another country away from him for much longer than planned.

_"Don't call me again unless you plan on coming home and apologizing face to face. I can't do this over the phone. It's not right. I can't."_

And that was that. Euijun hung up without saying goodbye and that had been enough to make Tony breakdown. 

"It'll be fine." Woohyuk said. 

Tony sighed, "I hope so." 

He looked over at Woohyuk who was staring out into the empty street. His face looked soft, his mouth set in a straight line. Thinking.

Anyone would think Woohyuk was angry or in a bad mood, but Tony knew that he was anything but that. Woohyuks face was just like that. Serious. You just had to be close to him to know how he was feeling.

It wasn't until Woohyuk made eye contact with him that Tony realized he'd been staring at him for far too long. 

"What?" Woohyuk asked, his mouth quirking upwards.

Tony shook his head and looked away, "Nothing." He reached into his bag and took out the final cookie. He munched on it slowly, trying to make it last. 

He then found himself looking at Woohyuk again.

Why did Woohyuks presence make him so calm? It was like everything was okay now that he was with him. 

"You're staring again." Woohyuk said, "I know I'm hot, but—" 

Tony pushed him away, "I wasn't staring. Get your eyes checked." 

"Sure you weren't." Woohyuk said. He grabbed Tony's ear and pulled it softly.

"Stoopp." Tony whined, moving away from him. He jumped off the bike rack. 

"But they're so cute!" He cooed. 

"Get away from me!" He said, trying to get away from Woohyuks grabby hands.

The door creaked open, Heejun popped his face out, "Hey, stop flirting. We have to change our clothes again. They're almost done setting up." He had a different hat on and seemed to have gotten his makeup touched up.

Tony felt his face heat up. _Flirting? We weren't flirting! We were just— we were just—_

"Coming." Woohyuk said. He slid off the bike rack and crumpled up his bag of chips before throwing it away into the large trash can next to the vending machine. He slid his water bottle into his pocket.

Tony did the same and followed him back into the studio.

It was cold inside now. The air conditioner was going crazy. 

"Hurry up." Mr. Lee said, "This is the final shoot of today." He didn't even look up from his notebook. 

"Yeah." Tony said, jogging over to his changing room. 

Mr. Jung was sitting outside of it, fast asleep. He had a book over his face and his arms were crossed. 

Tony rolled his eyes and muttered, "Sleeping on the job." 

He slid open the curtain and stepped inside, closing it quickly. He took his clothes off and quickly slipped on the outfit that was already waiting for him. 

"Tony?" He heard one of the hairdressers call.

"Yeah?" He said, struggling to zip up his jeans.

"Are you done? I have to fix your hair a bit." 

He pulled the zipper hard. _Finally_. 

"Y-yeah. Hold on, I just need to grab my shoes." 

"Okay." He heard her walking away. 

Mr. Jung was still snoring.

He slipped his shoes on and hurried out of his changing room, making a beeline towards the hairdresser who was already waiting for him beside his seat. 

Tony sat down and closed his eyes when he felt a comb go through his hair gently. 

"I won't take long. I'm just going to add a little hairspray and make it a bit wavy." She said. 

"Okay. That's cool." he said.

The makeup artist came up to them and gently wiped Tony's face and added some concealer here and there.

"What's your skin care routine? You barely have any acne." She asked.

"I don't really do anything." He admitted, feeling embarrassed.

The hairdresser paused, "What?!" 

"Yeah. I don't really know much about skin care." 

"Must be genes." The make-up artist pouted. 

"Yeah, my sister doesn't really have any either." 

Heejun sat down in the chair next to his, "He's a magic monkey. He's here to make us jealous of his clear skin." 

"Shut up, Gizmo."

Heejun brightened up, "Gizmo? That's new." 

"Gizmo's cute." 

"I haven't seen the movie yet." He said.

"Shit, man you're missing out." 

"I'll make sure to look for it at the video store then." Heejun said, "Anyways, I wanted to ask something." 

"Shoot." 

"Are you and Woohyuk…?" He waved his hands around and gave him a curious look.

"Hah?" 

"You know…" he pressed both of his index fingers together and made a small kissy noise. 

"Oh!" Tony shook his head, "No, no— we're just….close."

"Oh." He looked a bit disappointed, "I mean I wouldn't give you shit about it if you were. I'm cool with all kinds of love." 

"That's good to know." Tony said. 

"So you really aren't?" 

"No." 

The makeup artist finished her work and moved onto Kangta who just sat down on the other side of Tony.

Tony looked at himself in the mirror, satisfied with the way his makeup looked and how his hair was turning out. 

"Do we give off that impression?" Tony asked. 

"Kind of. But I was just wondering, you know. I was just being nosey." Heejun said. 

Tony chuckled, "Okay." 

He didn't really mind that others thought they were together. To him it just meant that they were really good friends. To other people, good friends often looked like couples. 

Though he did wonder if maybe…

"There! All done." The hairdresser said, "You're ready to go!" 

"Thank you." He said, getting up and giving here a small bow.

"You're welcome, honey." She smiled at him and moved over to Kangta as well to touch up his spikes.

Heejun stretched in his chair and leaned closer to the mirror. He grabbed large hooped earrings and placed them in his ears lobes.

"I'm getting the urge to paint my nails." Heejun said in a small voice, "You don't think that's weird, right?" 

He shook his head, "No. I think you'd look cool. Whoever told you that it's weird is stupid."

Heejun smiled in relief, "Thank you."

"Who said it was stupid?"

"My manager." Heejun mumbled.

Tony swallowed. He had yet to meet him, but from what Heejun has told them, he was a scary man.

"Don't let him get to you." He said, "He's probably jealous that he wouldn't be able to pull them off."

"Probably."

Tony sighed and looked around the room. He spotted Woohyuk at his own chair. His hairdresser was placing his headband gently so as to not ruin his hair. 

Tony thought he looked cool.

Woohyuk blinked and they made eye contact through the mirror again. 

And when Woohyuk gave him a smile to acknowledge him, he got that _feeling_ once again in his chest. 

He gave him a small wave in return and turned his attention back to Heejun who was busy adding a smaller earring next to the larger ones. 

Tony thought about what Heejun said. About them looking like a couple. 

It was true, he did like Woohyuk a little more than the rest of them. He's even thought about making an offer to live together now that they moved to a better dorm.

Tony liked being around him. Woohyuk was fun to talk to and play around with. He was even a great pillow to sleep on and a good shoulder to cry on. He liked how Woohyuk smiled and how he frowned and how he laughed. Deep dimples formed on his face when he did. He wondered if he knew that. 

He liked how softly he talked. How carefully he chose his words sometimes. How high his voice went when he was embarrassed and began to stutter a bit. 

Tony liked….

He looked over at Woohyuk who was conversing with Jaewon about something that looked important. Woohyuk looked overwhelmed and thoughtful, his brow creasing in a way that brought back that _feeling_ in Tony's chest. 

Tony liked...

He shook his head, _what am I thinking?_


	11. embroideries

August 31, 1996  
  


"Where the hell is Heejun?" Mr. Yang asked. His voice was so soft, you wouldn't have been able to hear it had you not been concentrating.

"He said he wasn't feeling well, sir." Jaewon said. He fiddled with his hands nervously and visibly gulped. 

"Not feeling well?" Mr. Jungs voice boomed. It scared Tony to hear him raise his voice like that. 

"Y-yes." Jaewon stammered. 

"You know what I think?" 

He shook his head. 

"I think he chickened out." Mr. Jung said, "He bailed on you guys."

"Heejun wouldn't do that!" Kangta said, "You don't know him!" 

"Why else would he be missing? And without telling us?" 

"I _said_ he wasn't feeling well!" Jaewon raised his voice up as well.

Mr. Jungs eyes narrowed at him and he took a step forward to the youngest and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. Jaewon whimpered and looked away from him. 

Tony took a step but was stopped by Mr. Yang with a single glare.

"This is the second time that he's failed to show up, Jaewon." Mr. Jung said, "You live near him, don't you? Tell him to show up tomorrow or we'll send him up with Lee." 

Tony winced at that and his stomach did a somersault.

Heejun failed to show up two days in a row without warning anyone in advance. It was like he disappeared. He didn't answer the phone nor did he walk with Jaewon to and from school during the week. He was just gone. 

"Okay." Jaewon whispered and Mr. Jung let him go by pushing him back roughly. He was caught by Kangta before he hit the ground. 

Tony's manager left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. The door rattled so loudly that Tony thought the door would fall off.

Mr. Yang shook his head in disappointment and made a gesture that meant they were free to go home. With only a few days until their debut, they couldn't afford to miss practice. The 5 of them _had_ to be there or else they'll start messing up. 

Heejun is their leader and not having him around wasn't helping either. Woohyuk was trying his best as their "vice-leader", but he wasn't quite up to the level of Heejuns leadership yet. 

Tony watched as Jaewon frantically grabbed his backpack and gathered his stuff.

"What's going on?" Woohyuk asked, grabbing his backpack as well. Kangta and Tony did the same and followed them out the room. 

"I don't know. I'm really worried." Jaewon said, "We have to see Heejun now." 

They quickly walked out of the building, the cool air hit their faces roughly. It was windy.

"Um, I still have the car I rented the other day. I'm allowed to drive it for a few more days, I can drive us over there!" Tony called out, trying to move the hair out of his eyes. 

"Okay let's go!" They said. 

Since Tony didn't drive to the entertainment building, they had to run all the way back to the dorms for the car. It wasn't very far, just a couple of blocks down the road, but still, in a situation like this, even a couple of blocks felt like 10 miles. 

Once they reached the dorm building, Tony shrugged his backpack off and dug his keys out. He always had them in his backpack just in case. The car was right smack in the middle of the empty parking lot. He unlocked the van and pressed the button that unlocked the rest of the doors. The other four rushed inside, not giving much thought to the seats they chose. 

"Okay, tell me where." Tony said, struggling to put his seatbelt on.

He hadn't realized until now that he's never been to Heejuns place. 

Jaewon— who sat in the passenger seat— gave him the directions. Thankfully it wasn't that far. 

The entire ride was silent except for the occasional direction from Jaewon. 

"Turn left here." He said. 

In the corner of his eyes, he could see Kangta biting his fingers nervously. 

"It'll be alright, Chilhyun." He said. 

Kangta looked near to tears, "I hope so." 

"It's that one." Jaewon pointed. 

Tony followed Jaewon's finger and parked in front of the house. It was a small, cute house, obscured by a huge gate and tall trees.

They followed Jaewon out of the car since he was most familiar with the place. Jaewon opened the front gate and went inside, giving Tony a much better view of the house. 

He heard Jaewon knock on the wooden door and press the doorbell, "Mrs. Moon? Are you there?" He called, "It's me, Jaewon!" 

It took a few moments, but she finally opened the door. She was small, just like Heejun.

"Oh, Jaewon!" She exclaimed, "What are you doing here?" 

She seemed to recognize everyone but Tony since she gave him a confused look. He tried to stand behind Woohyuk, not wanting to cause any trouble.

"Is Heejun okay?" Kangta blurted out, "Please, he hasn't shown up to practice or school."

She looked sad all of a sudden, "It's been a tough few days, but he'll be fine. Please come in." 

The inside of the house was a bit stuffy. There were embroideries, photos and paintings everywhere. So many sentimental things hung on the wall and sat on the cabinets. 

She closed the door behind them and rested a hand on Tony's shoulder. She was warm. 

"Are you Tony?" She asked, "Heejun told me lots of stories about a boy with big ears. Is that you?" 

"Y-yeah." He bowed, "It's nice to meet you." 

"You're lovely. It's nice to meet you too." 

They stood around the living room awkwardly for a moment. Tony wasn't sure if he should sit down or not as she hadn't invited them to do so.

"What happened?" Jaewon asked. 

Mrs. Moon sighed, "It's my husband. Heejun's father. They had a terrible fight the other day and he left us, just like that. Heejun's taken it hard. He just needs a few days and he'll be alright." 

"Oh, I'm sorry." Jaewon murmured. 

"Is he here?" Tony asked. He wanted to talk to him. He went through something similar, maybe he could help. 

"He went out to get me some ingredients for dinner. I'm sure he'll be back any second." She said. 

"That's okay, we can wait." Woohyuk said, "We just want to make sure he's alright." 

She smiled, "You four are wonderful. Please take a seat anywhere you like. Heejun's day will surely get better once he sees you." 

She left them in the living room and left for the kitchen. Jaewon decided to join her and all Tony could hear was the sound of the stove turning on and dishes gently clashing with each other. They were also talking to each other, but he couldn't make out a single word. 

Tony sat on one of the couches and felt himself sink in from how soft it was. Woohyuk sat next to him and Kangta chose the chair across from them. 

Kangta wiped his eyes, alarming Tony who sat up straight, "Are you okay?" 

"I'm okay. I'm just angry." He replied with a shaky voice, "Heejun's dad is terrible." 

"Tell me about it." Woohyuk muttered, "I'd like to see him face to face and kick that ugly mug of his." 

"Has Heejun's dad always been a bad person?" Tony asked, scared that Heejun might have been getting hurt outside of practice as well. 

"As far as I know, he hasn't." Kangta said, "It was a gradual thing. 

"Yeah," Woohyuk said, "He just became a dick over time; disappearing for days, coming back drunk as hell and starting fights with Heejun and his mom." 

Tony nodded, "Wow." It was all he could really say. 

"But don't worry, he's never gotten physical with them." Woohyuk continued, "Well Heejun's always told me that he hasn't. I just hope he's telling the truth." 

Kangta agreed with him and wrung his hands together nervously. 

Tony couldn't help but worry despite Woohyuk telling him not to. He looked at the door every now and then, hoping that Heejun would appear safe and sound.

Jaewon and Mrs. Moon came back with small bowls of soup.

"You boys looked hungry." She said, "I had these leftovers from yesterday, I hope it's alright." 

"This is fine, Mrs. Moon." Kangta said, "It smells amazing." 

Tony grabbed a bowl and felt his stomach grumble once he got a whiff of the soup and he immediately dug in. 

It was delicious. It ran down his throat softly and filled his mouth with the delicious taste of tomato and other spices. He munched on the pasta softly. They were shaped like little sea shells. It warmed his body up nicely. 

Tony ate his soup in silence while the rest chattered amongst themselves. The air was tense, but everyone was putting a front and forcing jokes out here and there. They had to be happy for Heejun and his mom. 

He looked around and spotted a photo on the table next to him of a tiny Heejun with an adorable bowl cut hair that was typical of the late 70's early 80's. He smiled and touched the frame gently. Even then, Heejun was as bright as the sun, smiling as wide as his cheeks would let him and eyes full of innocence and a hint of mischief. 

He looked over at the photo next to that one which featured a much older Heejun with a girl that must be his sister. They were holding hands and smiling awkwardly at the camera. 

Tony's mood, however, soured when he spotted the man standing behind Heejun and his sister. 

_That must be their dad_. He thought to himself.

Feeling upset, he turned his attention back to his soup and continued eating. He was practically drinking the soup like it was water.

It wasn't long before Heejun returned. Tony had just finished slurping the last of his soup when the door opened. 

Heejun had multiple plastic bags in his hands full vegetables and other items. He was dressed a bit warmly, with a light sweater and a thin beanie. 

They waited in silence for Heejun to notice them. 

"Hey, mom. I'm back!" He called, kicking his shoes off. "I saw a weird car in front—" he finally looked up and his big eyes got even bigger at the sight of them. 

"Guys!" He exclaimed, "What are you doing here?!"

The happiness that surged in Heejuns face was enough to make Tony happy as well. Heejun had that effect on people. 

Kangta stood up and helped Heejun with the bags. 

"We wanted to check on you." Woohyuk said, "We were worried." 

And just like that, the light in Heejun's eyes dimmed a little. 

"I'll be okay." He said, "I promise. Did my mom tell you?" 

Mrs. Moon popped in the living room out of nowhere, almost scaring Kangta to death.

She nodded, "They're your friends. I had to tell them. This one almost burst into tears." She said, gesturing at Kangta. 

Kangta went red in the face and nodded. 

Heejun looked touched and gave Kangta a pat on the back, "Don't cry for me. I'll be back to normal in a few days." 

Jaewon bit his lips, "Yang and Jung asked for you to come back tomorrow." 

Heejun visibly tensed.

"I'll leave you boys to talk." Mrs, Moon said, grabbing the bags from Kangta and Heejun, "Are you staying over for dinner?" 

"U-um yeah, if Heejuns okay with it." Woohyuk said. 

"I'm cool." 

"Wonderful." She said and left the room. 

Heejun waited a few seconds and sat down , "What do you mean they asked for me?" 

"They were mad that you didn't show up. They said if you didn't come tomorrow they were going to send you to Mr. Lee." Tony said. 

Fear etched into his face, "O-oh." 

"But theye said 'if'." Woohyuk said, "They were just trying to scare us. I don't think anything will happen to you, especially since our debut is so near. 

"Right." Heejun said somberly, "I'm sorry for making you guys worry. I'll show up tomorrow. I promise. He won't do anything." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself. 

Tony gulped and unconsciously slipped his hand in Woohyuk's. He felt Woohyuk squeeze his hand and felt himself calm down a bit. 

"Are you okay though?" Jaewon asked, "Not this ' I'll be okay' shit. Are you actually okay? Like right now?" 

Heejun gave them a sad smile, "Well I've been crying myself to sleep and thinking some thoughts, but other than that, I'm okay." 

The boys shared a look with each other. Tony felt even more worried. 

"Well, just know that we're here for you." Kangta said, "If you need to talk or cry it out, we'll be here." 

Heejuns eyes were wet and his mouth was trembling. He kept opening and closing his mouth as if he were struggling with choosing what he wanted to say. 

"It's my fault." He said finally. 

"Huh?!" Jaewon said, "No it's not!"

"Yeah it is." His voice cracked. He spoke in a small voice. In fact they all did as to not alert his mom. 

"Why do you think it's your fault?" Tony asked. 

"He told me that now that I'm going to work he can finally leave. If I hadn't, then maybe he would've stayed." A single tear ran down his cheek. He wiped it with the back of his hand, keeping his gaze down, "So it's my fault." 

Tony stood up and sat on the floor next to Heejun's chair, "You're not responsible for his actions. He chose to leave on his own accord." 

"And if we're being honest," Kangta said, "He would've done it even if you weren't going to be a singer. It was only a matter of time. It's not your fault." 

Woohyuk didn't say anything. His face was dark, like he had a million thoughts going on at once. At times, it looked like he was going to say something, but he didn't. 

Heejun laughed. It was a painful sound, like it had been forced out. "Yeah, I guess you're right." 

Jaewon pressed lips together and reached over to hug Heejun, burying his face in his shoulder. Tony watched a few more tears escape Heejun's eyes as he hugged him back, "I'm fine—"

"It's not your fault." Jaewon whispered loudly, "It's not." 

"Jaewon—"

"Say it." 

Heejun swallowed. 

It was silent for a while. The only thing one could hear was Mrs. Moon chopping something and the blender running in the background. 

"It's not my fault." Heejun finally whispered back minutes after the blender had been turned off. 

Tony felt the lump in his throat go away once Heejun's voice reached his ears. He looked over at Woohyuk who now had red eyes and a red nose. Had he cried? 

Jaewon pulled away and ruffled Heejun's hair, "That's better." 

Heejun sniffed and finally cracked a smile. It was so refreshing to see him genuinely smile with the light returning to his eyes. 

"And don't you ever disappear on us like that again." Jaewon continued.

"Okay." Heejun said.

"Good."

"So who's car is that outside?" He asked like he hadn't been crying a few seconds ago.

"It's Tony's." Kangta said. 

"Oooh~ I never knew you could drive!" Heejun exclaimed, "When are you going to take me on a sweet ride?" 

Tony chuckled, "It's not even mine." 

"Awww, what a shame. I was already planning to do so many things in that car!" 

"Ew, Junnie." Woohyuk said, scrunching his red nose.

"What? I was talking about eating in the car, dumbass." 

"Oh, you mean like eating pu—"

Kangta covered Jaewons ears while Tony felt his face become hot. He ran out of the room to ask Mrs. Moon if she needed help before Heejun could give Woohyuk a reply.

.

.

.

September 6, 1996  
  


Sweat ran down his neck. His stomach churned. His heart was beating loudly in his ears. Tony was nervous. 

He was sitting on the floor in front of the huge mirrors staring at himself in their new practice room. This time it was a few stories high and they had huge windows that gave them a beautiful view of the city. At night, the sight comforted him with the billion golden lights floating across the city like an ocean.

But right now, he couldn't find comfort in them. He fiddled with his earring, taking it off and then putting it back on. His ear lobe was becoming irritated and red, but he couldn't help it. He was nervous. He needed to do something with his hands.

Tony took a deep breath and shook the front of his shirt to give himself a little air. Doubt began to seep into his mind like the devil itself.

_Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I should've listened to my dad. I should've gone home. _

It was the night before their official debut. In just a few hours, a group of cameramen were gonna burst in and film their final moments as regular people. And a few hours after that, they were going to be on stage, seen by every pair of eyes in the country that tuned into that particular channel. They were going to be official singers. They were no longer going to be ordinary teenagers. 

His hands shook and he tried to hide it by stuffing them under his shirt. He could still feel them shaking against his stomach. 

_Will they even like me? _

He recalled the drawing of himself in their albums mini 'photobook'. Mr. Lee had an artist come over and had them sit for hours for this person to draw them. Mr. Lee thought it would be a cool idea to have drawings of them instead of actual photos in the album. 

He wondered if the drawing of himself was cool enough for the people.

Tony had been preparing for this moment for such a long time. The others have as well for much longer than he has. Everyday he fantasized about this day. For the moment he could finally be on stage and sing with his members. 

But imagining it and actually doing it were two different things.

Tony knew he was scared. He was afraid of failure. He was afraid of the many eyes that will be on him starting from tomorrow and forever. He was afraid of what they might think of him. Of what they'll say about him. He was afraid of stepping on that stage tomorrow and embarrassing his members. He was scared he'll mess up while talking and seem stupid. 

"How do you say it again?" Kangta suddenly popped up next to him, releasing him from that dark doubtful cloud. 

Tony turned to his friend, feeling relieved all of a sudden, "What?"

"That bad word you were saying earlier." 

"Oh." He thought for a bit, "_Bullshit_?" 

"Yeah that one." 

Tony sounded it out for him slowly a few times until Kangta got it right. 

"Thank you!" Kangta exclaimed. 

Tony watched him stand up and playfully kick Jaewon on his side. 

"_Bullshit_, Jaewon!" He said. 

Jaewon looked annoyed, "What the fuck are you saying?"

"It's a magic word."

"No magic words allowed!" Heejun yelled from the other side of the room, he had his arms crossed to form an X.

"_Bullshit_!"

Heejun and Kangta proceeded to have a WWE match in the middle of the practice room. 

Jaewon turned on his side and fell asleep, hugging Woohyuk's hard backpack to his chest. For some reason it had cement all over it. What Woohyuk did with his backpack in his free time was something the world may never know.

Woohyuk stood over Jaewon, trying to take his backpack back, but he had a tight grip.

Tony's hands stopped shaking as he took in the sight of his friends. 

_I think I'll be alright._

Kangta let out a war cry.

_Hopefully_.

Woohyuk eventually gave up after seeing Jaewons iron grip wasn't going to loosen anytime soon. He walked over to Tony and sat down next to him. 

"Hey."

"Hey." Tony said, feeling butterflies in his stomach. He pushed the feeling down and averted his gaze. 

"Your hair looks nice." Woohyuk said with a smile so sincere, Tony felt the butterflies come back. 

He couldn't understand this feeling and why it only came up when Woohyuk was near him. 

"Thank you." He ran a hand through his short locks. It had been previously styled, though they hadn't decided if he should wear a hat or not for when the cameramen arrived. 

"So what's up? Why are you all alone in this corner?" 

He shook his head, "Just thinking." 

"About?" Woohyuk asked curiously. 

"Don't you think it's so weird how we're gonna be celebrities in a few hours? It's so weird." 

Woohyuk thought for a bit, "Yeah it does seem weird going from a nobody to a somebody." He smiled, "I'm kinda excited. I haven't been able to sleep all night." 

Tony knew the feeling all too well. He spent the night tossing and turning and thinking. He imagined himself so many times on that stage just like they've practiced. 

"I don't think any of us can." He said, looking over at Kangta and Heejun who were still wrestling on the floor. Their faces were sweaty and their hair clung to their gleeful faces.

"Thank god those two haven't showered yet or else Lee would've been all up in their face." Woohyuk chuckled.

" ' _Why are you ruining your hair and makeup~?!'_ " Tony imitated Lee Sooman's voice. It was one of Heejun's favorite things to do and it just stuck onto the rest of them. 

Mr. Lee had a funny voice. It would go up and down in pitch like he was singing. 

Woohyuk laughed and played along, " '_You're going to ruin everything if you don't stop that right now~_!!' " he pointed his finger out like a nagging grandmother.

Tony giggled as they continued imitating (mocking) him, often waving their arms around in exaggeration.

He didn't notice how close they were sitting until his thigh bumped into Woohyuks. Somehow they'd been inching closer to each other without even realizing it and Tony found that he wasn't annoyed by it at all. In fact, to his surprise, he was rather excited about it. 

Tony then rested his head on Woohyuk's shoulder, looking at him through the mirror in front of him. He felt the other jump in surprise but quickly eased down.

Somehow they looked perfect like that, he thought to himself. _What am I doing?_

Woohyuk's eyes met his, "Hi." He said.

Tony smiled widely and turned to look up at Woohyuk directly, "Hi." 

They found themselves lost in each other's eyes. Woohyuk's smile became small, but he still held a sort of happiness and fondness in his face that Tony thought was cute. 

"Tony, I…" 

Tony blinked, "Yeah?" He felt himself snap back to reality and moved away from Woohyuk once he realized how close their faces were. 

His heart was racing and the room felt extremely hot despite the temperature being 70°.

_What's wrong with me?_

He waited for Woohyuk to continue, but he never did. He just uttered a small 'nevermind' and went back to saving his backpack from Jaewon's deathly grip.

Tony couldn't help but feel a bit upset at that. He wondered what Woohyuk was going to tell him and that thought stayed with him all night. 

_Jang Woohyuk, what are you doing to me?_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. silence

September 1996  
  


_"Hey! Did you hear about the new boy group?"_

_"What boy group?"_

_"H.O.T. is awesome! I'm totally buying their album after school!"_

_"Oh, I'm jealous! I wanna buy it too, but I already wasted my allowance!"_

_"Haha, what a loser!"_

_"Kangta is so handsome! You think I have a chance?"_

_"Kangta? What about that Heejun? He looks like a doll!!"_

_"Did you see their music video?" _

_"Yeah, I didn't know you could show that much violence in a music video…."_

.

.

.

.

.

It was one cloudy afternoon when Tony realized he was famous for the first time.

He looked into his plastic bag and pulled out a large bag of chips he bought at the convenience store near his old dorm. It was barbeque flavored. Delicious.

He set the plastic bag to the side on the bench he was sitting on and opened the bag of chips. There he sat munching on the large thin pieces of potato and breathed in the scent of the outside world. It just finished raining actually. He loved the smell of rain. It was calming in a way. 

Tony heard a loud gasp and people murmuring quickly behind him. He reached for another chip and looked around, thinking there had been an accident somewhere or a good fight to watch. When he saw nothing, he shrugged and went back to his business. 

He hummed a song he heard on the radio at the convenience store.

A pigeon settled near his feet and watched him with beady, hungry eyes. Tony squashed a chip and threw the crumbs at the bird, smiling when it began pecking at it with haste. 

The murmurs continued much louder this time. He could only catch certain words like, "No...you do it….I'll do it if you do it…" 

He strained his ears. Maybe it was some hot juicy gossip. If so, he wanted to know. 

He heard some shuffling of shoes as he reached into his bag of chips and grabbed another handful. 

A quick tap on his shoulder made him jump and turn around. 

It was a young man, still in his school uniform. Behind him stood a group of students that stared at him with shy yet hopeful looks. 

They were intimidating to say the least. They looked like a group of students that would suit a manga about delinquent kids. Their hair was styled like it was the 1950's and their uniforms were torn and stained with what Tony hoped was ketchup. He assumed the one who tapped his shoulder was the leader. He had an eyebrow piercing and an unreadable expression on his face. 

_Oh...were they talking about me?_ He looked at the boy nervously and let go of the chips he had been holding. They fell back into the bag.

_I'm about to get mugged, aren't I?_

He felt himself sweat when the leader stepped closer to him and pulled out a crumpled paper lunch bag from his pocket and a chewed up pen. His face became bashful.

"Can we get your autograph?" He asked, holding the paper bag and pen out to him. 

And _oh….oH!_

Tony felt a rush of relief and excitement, "Y-Yes! Of course!" he wiped his hands on his pants and eagerly accepted the paper bag and the chewed up pen. He signed it and gave it back to the kid who had a smile so big, his face would've probably split in two. 

The other students gasped and surrounded Tony excitedly, pulling out whatever paper they had and asking for a signature as well. 

Tony gladly took his time signing them and even talked to them for a while after he was finished. 

He's never seen a stranger look at him like these kids were doing now. It was like they had seen a god with the way their eyes were shining and how quickly they talked to him with happiness evident in their loud voices. 

_Oh yeah huh, you're a celebrity now, stupid._

When he returned to his dorm, it was already late at night. He'd spent the whole afternoon and evening with those kids and other people as well. People had become curious as to what the commotion was about and as soon as they saw who was standing in the middle, their eyes lit up just the same and he was once again being asked for his autograph left and right. 

He felt tired, but it had totally been worth it to see the happiness in those people's eyes.

.

.

.

It was insane. H.O.T. was _huge_. The second they stepped on that stage, they became the talk of the entire _country_. You couldn't go anywhere without hearing someone talking about the new boy group that seemed to pop out of thin air and had captured the hearts of practically everyone.

The music scene had been bleak after the disbandment of Seotaiji and The Boys earlier this year, but it seemed like a fire had been lit on September 7, 1996 that only seemed to burn harder and spread wider with each day that passed by.

"The album is selling like crazy!" Heejun exclaimed, closing his eyes for the make-up artist so she could apply a bit of color. 

"This is unreal." Kangta said, "I've been crying every night because of it. We've been on the front page of the newspaper for days now. Can you believe it?!" 

"I wonder if it'll sell even more when we promote _Candy_ later this year." Jaewon said. 

"I think it will." Woohyuk said optimistically, "If _Warriors Descendants_ captured the hip hop scene and even teenagers, then I think _Candy_ will get the general public hooked."

"That would be so wild if it did." Heejun said, admiring his subtle eye look. 

"It's been hella wild even now." Kangta said. 

Tony reached over and grabbed a corn dog from the snacking area. He added a generous amount of ketchup and even wondered if he should put bacon on it as well. He's been burning up so many calories these past weeks and he needed all the food he can get.

Today was one of those days where SM was lenient with what they ate. SM ordered food from dozens of fast food chains and it was enough to keep them happy for an entire week. 

It was also a way of celebrating their success.

"Pass me another cheeseburger." Jaewon said. 

Kangta grabbed one of the wrapped burgers without looking and tossed it over to Jaewon. 

Jaewon unwrapped it and pouted, "I said cheeseburger not hamburger."

"Same difference." Kangta said, "I'll get you a cheeseburger after you finish that one. You already touched it."

"Okay, _Mom_."

"Make sure not to eat a lot. We're going to perform in a few." Heejun said, "I don't want you guys throwing up." 

"Yes, _Dad_." Woohyuk said, grabbing another box of chicken nuggets. He opened a packet of barbeque sauce and dumped it right on top of the nuggets. Nothing can top some good ol' nuggets.

Heejun beamed, "Damn right i'm your Daddy, Hyukie." 

Tony choked on his corn dog. 

"You wish you can be my daddy." Woohyuk humphed, "You can't handle all of this." he gestured all of himself. 

"Wanna test that?" 

Tony choked again. 

"Oh, come one." Heejun laughed, "Kangta hit Tony's back, you're closer." 

Kangta smacked him hard on the back a few times until the weenie he was choking on got coughed out.

"Are you okay?" Jaewon asked. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Tony croaked. His eyes were watery. 

Woohyuk passed him a napkin. 

"Thanks." Tony said. He wiped his mouth and cleaned up the weenie.

One of their managers poked their head inside and announced they had 10 minutes before they were needed on stage. 

Jaewon wolfed down his burger and quickly began to dig in a cheeseburger. He didn't want to miss the opportunity to eat one. 

"Y'all are weird." Heejun said, "Aren't you scared you'll end up throwing up in the middle of dancing?" 

Kangta bit into a rather thick hash brown, "I don't wanna be thinking about food while I'm out there." He eyed the box full of pancakes, "Breakfast for lunch? Don't mind if I do."

"I'm just hungry." Woohyuk said. 

"Me too." Jaewon and Tony echoed. 

Heejun grimaced, "I already feel nauseous just looking at you guys." He rubbed his stomach and looked away. 

When they got the 5 minute call, Tony chomped on another corn dog while they made their way down the hallway. Their mics hung on their neck and their stylists were doing last minute touch ups as they continued to walk. 

Jaewon covered his mouth and burped, "You know what? I'm thankful I only have one line here cause I can already feel myself having a burp fest." 

"Hold it in." Heejun whined, looking a little green. 

"But Heejun, what if I start to float?" Jaewon said. 

"That's not possible." 

"Or what if I explode." Jaewon continued, "Or is that a myth?" 

"Pretty sure it's a myth." Kangta said thoughtfully.

"I heard it happened to someone before." Woohyuk said, "Spontaneous combustion." 

"That's a different thing, Hyukie." Tony said. 

"What?" Woohyuk stuttered, "Really?"

"What the hell is spontaneous combustion?!" Heejun cried with his hands on his cheeks looking mildly perturbed. 

"It's when you explode out of nowhere." Kangta said. 

"That happens?!" 

"Yeah. I think there was a documentary on it or something." Tony said. 

Heejun sighed, "I'm adding that to the list of things I'm scared of now." 

"What's number one on that list." 

"Worms." Another sigh. 

Kangta nodded, "Valid."

They went through several halls until they came upon a door that led directly to the studio. 

Tony can hear the hosts talking to the person they were currently interviewing. The audience were laughing and clapping loudly.

Staff stood around them like bodyguards as they waited for their queue.

Tony's stomach began doing jumping jacks when he heard the host say goodbye to the current guest and began to introduce them. 

He would never be able to get rid of this nervous feeling. Everytime he was behind one of these doors it was like it was the first time all over again. Thoughts ran through his head a hundred miles an hour and his hands began to tremble a bit. 

The door opened widely as their queue to enter the studio was given.

As he entered, he saw the excited audience and their big signs and colorful balloons that said _H.O.T_. on them. 

Was it possible to be this nervous and this happy at the same time?

"...let's give a round of applause for H.O.T.!!"

The studio went wild and erupted in cheers and screams. Many of the audience members were chanting "H.O.T., H.O.T., H.O.T.!"

He could spot many of them still in their school uniforms and even some with their backpacks still attached to them.

_Warriors Descendants_ began to play loudly through the speakers and they each ran to their spots and began to dance making the audience cheer even louder. 

Tony and Woohyuk shared a look and Tony could see that Woohyuk was trying really hard to stop a smile from spreading across his face. 

Kangta was rapping now and Tony felt so proud of him. He was the first one to sign with SM and trained the longest out of all of them. He truly deserved to shine and receive all the praise he's getting these days as their main vocalist. 

The hairs on his arms rose as a chill went through him when he realized the audience was singing along. 

When he would watch interviews from big celebrities, he always found it difficult to understand when they would describe their love for their fans. He couldn't understand how they could feel that way for people who, at the end of the day, were complete strangers. However, now that he stood on this stage, hearing their fans sing along and move their balloons to the beat, he understood it. It was so easy for him to love them. He loved them and the strength they gave him as he danced and rapped his lines. 

Tony felt like it was just them and their fans in the world. Nothing else.

.

.

.

.

.

"Ah! My ass!" Heejun exclaimed when he sat down. 

Tony pulled his seatbelt on and sighed in content as he could finally relax, "I am so tired." 

"Jaewon's already asleep." Woohyuk said, pointing at their youngest who was passed out in one of the back seats. 

"My hand is cramping from all the autographs I had to sign." Kangta laughed, "I love it." 

Heejun reached into his pocket and pulled out a small Gizmo plush from the movie _Gremlins_, " Yo, look at what I got. One of our fans gave it to me." 

"Awww, it looks just like you!" Tony cooed sleepily. 

"Cute just like me." Heejun held up the plush and rubbed it against his cheek. 

"Are you guys ready?" Mr. Yang called from the driver's seat. 

"Yeah." They answered. 

It was funny, Tony thought as Mr. Yang started the van. As soon as they debuted, it was like someone had grabbed a remote and switched their managers to something different. 

Of course they still got scolded a lot, but it was _just_ scolding. None of them got hit anymore or grabbed roughly or even threatened. It was nice to live without the fear of getting hurt.

Tony knew why they were doing it. It wasn't like they stopped out of the 'goodness' of their hearts. If even a single paparazzi took a picture of them and managed to capture a bruise on their arms or legs, then it was all the media was going to talk about for weeks without end. They weren't taking any chances and decided it was best to do the bare minimum and treat them like humans to avoid getting the police involved. 

But to be honest, even though they were being fake about it, he was still thankful. 

He looked out the window sleepily. The windows were covered up with curtains, but he could still see outside through a small crack. He smiled when he saw some fans that were part of the audience run after the van with their huge H.O.T. signs with them. They were waving at the van and Tony decided to open the curtain a bit more and wave back at them. 

The happiness in their faces at his response warmed him up and allowed him to sleep peacefully for the rest of the ride.

.

.

Though now that he thought about it, he shouldn't have fallen asleep in the van because now he was wide awake staring at the smooth ceiling and listening to the _tick tick tick_ of the clock on his bedroom wall. 

He turned on his stomach and groaned pitifully. 

"I can't sleep." He said to no one. 

Tony turned to his side, the covers twisted and tangled on his legs and the pillow was dragged along. 

His hair resembled a birds nest from how often he tossed and turned in his bed. 

He pouted and looked at the clock, feeling like shit when he saw it was 4 am. 

"I have to get up in an hour." He whined to himself. 

With how popular H.O.T. was getting by the day, they were getting invited to shows from every channel left and right. Radio shows as well, they were even scheduled for a midnight one this weekend. He was exhausted.

They have a talk show to attend to today and they had to get up early to get ready even if the show was in the afternoon.

He kicked the covers off and sat up. He nursed an ache on his neck and let out a deep sigh. He stood up and peeked out the window. The roads were empty and the streetlights were a bright yellow orange.

Tony shivered and grabbed a sweater off the floor and put it on, he slipped on his fluffy slippers and left the room. 

_Maybe some warm milk will let me sleep?_ he thought to himself as he headed towards the kitchen, _old people are always saying it helps._

He pulled out the gallon of milk from the fridge and served himself in a cup. He placed it in the microwave and put a minute on it. He leaned against the counter and waited, running a hand through his messed up hair and then scratching his nose. 

Tony closed his eyes a bit, listening to the whir of the microwave and the silence of his dorm. 

Back at home, he was used to hearing noises in his house at any time. Day or night. Sometimes he would wake up at 1 am and hear his sister talking on the phone and grabbing her keys or sometimes he'd be in his room at 11 pm on a school night and hear his Dad come home from work. 

But here, it was always silent and it was then that he realized he didn't like being alone. 

The microwave beeped and Tony grabbed his now warm cup of milk. He stared at it, already regretting it. Warm milk doesn't smell good. 

"Whatever." He murmured and sipped it slowly. 

He passed out a few minutes later.

.

.

.

"So you also don't have anybody here, huh?" Tony said. 

Woohyuk rubbed his eye, "Yeah. You already knew that though." 

"Sorry, I was just thinking." 

"About what?" 

They were alone in the van, waiting for the rest to finish changing and join them so they can all go home. The talk show was a success. It was all live and they'd been informed that the ratings were especially high during their segment. 

"Just how much it sucks being alone." 

Woohyuks legs were resting over Tony's lap. The back of the van was pretty spacious. You could lay down and still have a bit of space left. Unless you were Jaewon, of course.

Tony played with the hem of Woohyuks pants.

"Yeah it sucks." Woohyuk said, "Sometimes I leave the TV on all night so I don't feel so alone." 

"Really?"

"Yeah." He said, "I would go crazy if it's silent all the time. Also I'm not the one paying the tv bill so it's a win-win." 

Tony's bit his lip and looked down, "Wouldn't you like it if someone lived with you?" 

"Like a girlfriend?" 

He shrugged, "Yeah." 

He didn't like how bothered he felt at Woohyuk saying _girlfriend_. 

_He doesn't have one, right?_ He wondered. 

"It would be nice, I guess. If I had one in the first place, I mean."

"Oh." Tony breathed out. 

_He doesn't have one...that's great. _

"Do you have one?" Woohyuk asked, "Is there a nice girl waiting for you back home?" 

He shook his head, "No, I don't really like— I mean, I haven't had one yet."

Is it just Tony or is it getting stuffy in here? 

_Just ask him. _

"Oh that's cool." Woohyuk said, eyeing Tony. 

"What."

"Nothing." 

_Let me try again. _

"What about living with someone who wasn't your girlfriend?" Tony asked. 

"Like a roommate?" 

"Yeah." 

Woohyuk put a finger on his chin and thought a bit, "Hmm, I wouldn't be opposed to it. I think it would be fun." 

"Oh, r-really?" Tony said, fighting the smile that was threatening to spread across his face. 

Woohyuk chuckled and removed his legs from Tony's lap and sat next to him, "Tony, if you want to live with me all you have to do is ask." He placed his elbows on his lap and rested his chin on his hands, looking up at Tony's flustered face.

"Wha— how did— how did you know?" 

"I just know." He said and winked. 

Tony's heart stopped. _He winked at me. _

"So do you wanna live with me?" Woohyuk asked. A faint blush covered his face, "I mean if you really want to. I— I think it would make our lives easier." 

"Y-yeah, I do." Tony said, "Please." 

Woohyuk grinned, "Cool." 

"Cool." Tony echoed. 

They looked at each other for a bit. Tony liked Woohyuk's eyes. 

Woohyuk was the one to break eye contact when the door slid open and Kangta's face popped in, "Hi." He said and crawled inside. 

Woohyuk sat up and Tony found himself missing the way they had been sitting so close to each other. 

"Are you guys done?" Woohyuk asked. 

"Uuhm, yeah, Heejun is just waiting for Jaewon to come out of the toilet. He didn't wanna be alone." 

The bathroom near their dressing room looked like something out of a horror movie. Each time they went, they had to bring somebody so the toilet ghost wouldn't get them. The lights flickered too which made it worse. 

"Oh." Woohyuk said, "Let's bring holy water next time we come here." 

Tony laughed tiredly, "Let's bring a whole exorcist."

"Oh, wait here they come." Kangta said, just as he was about to close the door. 

Tony opened the curtain and watched Jaewon and Heejun jog towards the van. Jaewon still had a paper towel in his hand and they were both visibly freaked out. 

"Wait for us!" He heard Heejun scream. 

Kangta moved away from the door and made space for them. They practically jumped into the car and slammed the door shut. 

"I am _never_ going back there." Jaewon said. 

"Why?" Tony asked. 

"I saw a freaking ghost. Fuck that." 

"What it look like?" Woohyuk asked. 

"Like a freaky bitch." Heejun said, "Ever seen _Evil Dead 2_?" 

"Oh shut up." Kangta laughed, "There's no way—" 

"No, I'm telling ya!" Heejun exclaimed.

Tony grimaced. He's seen _Evil Dead 2._

"It looked just like the one under the trap door." Jaewon said. 

"Okay, fuck that." Tony said and covered his ears. 

"Okay okay, let's change the subject." Woohyuk laughed, "Tony's about to shit his pants." 

"Fine." Heejun smiled, "What did you guys do this whole time?" 

"Just talked." Tony said, uncovering his ears. 

"Oh yeh?" Kangta said. He and Jaewon shared a look. 

"_Nothing_ happened." Woohyuk said, narrowing his eyes. 

"Sure, sure." Jaewon said, taking his homework out of his backpack. 

"We decided we're gonna live together from now on." Tony blurted out just for the sake of getting rid of the awkwardness he was feeling though it most certainly did not help. In fact it made it worse. 

Kangta and Jaewon 'ooooohhed' loudly and Heejun gasped. 

"Already?! But what about marriage?" Heejun asked. 

"What?!" Tony spluttered.

"Oh, whatever shall we do?" Heejun cried to Kangtas chest, "One taste of alone time and they're already moving in together." 

Kangta pretended to console Heejun, "There, there."

Woohyuk sighed and gave in, "Yeah we're moving in together before marriage, right Tony?" 

"Y-yeah." 

"Marriage is overrated anyways." 

"I'd like to hear you say that in 20 years." Jaewon snorted while working on a math problem.

Woohyuk stuck his tongue out at him and reached for something under the seat. He grabbed one of the empty water bottles that had been accumulating in the back of the van and pulled the plastic ring off the mouth of the bottle. He then grabbed Tony's hand and slid it in one of his fingers like it was a real ring and raised it up for all to see, "Look at that. Married. Quit hassling me." 

Tony blushed, "Shut the hell up." And pushed Woohyuk away from him. 

Heejun wheezed and Kangta and Jaewon once again 'oooohhed'. By the time Mr. Yang entered the van, they were in complete hysterics. 

.

.

As Mr. Yang drove them back home and half the van was near sleep or in deep sleep, Tony didn't take the plastic ring off his finger. Not even when he was back in his dorm all alone. 

He hugged his hand to his chest and the feeling in his heart that confused him so much only got stronger.


End file.
